Tuesday, March 28, 2006

east coast bias

is your bracket busted?

have you seen any of the teams that are now in the final four play before the tourney started? or had they even been talked about?

all i heard this year in college basketball was BIG EAST, BIG TEN, MISSOURI VALLEY CONFERENCE (still havent figured this one out) and how no one can compete with them and how the top teams will cruise through the bracket this year.

what a load of crap.

this just shows how east coast biased ESPN (and the rest of the media) really is. i recall Jay Bilas (among others) bitching about how Hofstra or Cincinnati should have gotten in before George Mason. please remove foot from mouth long enough to say you are sorry. i certainly didnt predict the final four as it came out, but partially because i knew nothing about any of these teams. so much was made of UConn, Duke, Ohio State, Georgetown, Iowa, etc etc that we had no time to think about UCLA, let alone the other three.

i have officially determined that i am just as qualified to talk college basketball as some analysts out there. this is somewhat similar to how i feel about weathermen. they basically are no more qualified to do their job than you or i.

Monday, March 27, 2006

Happy Birthday andTim!

and always remember Ray's 40th...another classic party

Wednesday, March 22, 2006

featured reader turns featured blogger

a sequence of events to tickle you and your humorsaurus. or whatever. i would correct spelling/gramatical errors, but if you know "Ben" then you know it is just part of the deal. enjoy...

From Formerly Fetured reader "Ben"
Last night dialgue between "Ben" and Roomate.

Roomate: Hey,You want anything from the store.

Ben: No

Roomate: Okay, see ya, (exits house)

1.5 minutes elapse.

Roomate: (reneters house) Hey, Where are you keys?

Ben: On the counter.

Roomate: No, your car keys, your alarm is going off.

Ben: Ohh, (slightly surprised) upstairs. I'll go get them.
(From upstairs) Why is my alarm going off?

Roomate: (From Downstairs) I bumped it.

Ben: (While walking down the stairs) Ohh.

[Now we are both outside.]

Roomate: (While hunched over the car) Looks like there is some body damage.

Ben: Oh.

Roomate: Sorry man. Want anything from the store?

Great Scott- A Tribute

Many of you readers out there may be into name studies. I have learned from some experiences that there are names I want to stay away from, but the Scotts I have known have been an interesting bunch. Here are some of my favorites (most of these guys are on their own planet):

Scott Moore
-Grew up in Texas, went to the University of Texas (Now roots for OU football!?)
-Around 28 years old, he and his wife moved to Japan after a job transfer.
-Raised his family in Japan for 15 years, started an immensely successful company, and spent the better part of his last 3 years in Japan playing Tennis, Badminton, Mallet Golf, and Snowboarding. Started his own English school, worked part-time as a wedding minister, started his own Recreational Camp, and now lives in Colorado Springs with his family.

Scottness: 9 stars (out of a possible 10)

Scott Perkins
-Origins unknown
-Graduated from Texas A&M, has a dentistry practice and invents dentistry stuff
-The "Crazy Dentist". Simultaneously brilliant and crazy. Likes to inject near-boiling bleach into teeth for root canals. Makes a lot of money. Don't get him started on dental schools and how they stymie creative innovations in dentistry.

Scottness: 8 stars

Scot Pollok
-Origins believed to be Texas
-Graduated from Texas A&M
-The most Spiritual of the Scotts- which is saying something. Percussionist (Scott factor: 10), former youth minister, current seminary student. Married an Australian ballet dancer and has two kids. Great speaker, incredibly passionate. Spells his name with one "t". (?)

Scottness: 8 stars

Scott Sharp
-From Abilene, Texas (?)
-Graduated from Texas A&M
-The most Intense of the Scotts- which is really saying something. Crazed athlete, LOVES Ultimate Fighting, LOVES researching cases of stigmata. Currently in medical school and believed to be married.

Scottness: 7 stars

Scott Schwandt
-From Texas
-Graduated from the University of Texas
-The most Normal of the Scotts- which is really really really saying something. Has two kids, an MBA and an Engineering degree- very successful in business. Lost his hearing in one ear after having a brain tumor removed. (Cyst, tumor... can't remember) Phenomenal swimmer. Has participated in a minimum of 8 Nutcracker Ballets in the party scene. (Unfortunately, my own father has now been in 13 straight.)

Scottness: 6 stars

and finally....

Scott Kleist
-From The Woodlands, Texas
-Graduated from Houston Baptist University
-Probably the most successful car salesman in Toyota history. Constant conflict between knowing what is ethically correct in business, and actually abiding by it. Does not have direct access to the money he makes. Youth Minister, Car Salesman, Professional XBox player, local Soccer legend. (If legend is based on a 1:1 goals to red-cards-received ratio) Married- God bless and help you Cindy.

Scottness: NA

Monday, March 20, 2006

ncaa tourney and mikeandtim book?

well, i went to the first and second rounds of the ncaa final four tournament and got to see some good basketball. however, i have seen 6 live games total between friday and sunday so i am pretty sick of basketball right now. it was great times, but my bracket is busted and my aggies lost. so, enough college basketball.

in other news, it is mikeandtim's blog birthday today, as we began this journey of tom foolery one year ago. a mikeandtim "book" is now available for order. there will be a commemorative printing of the first year of mikeandtim entries into a quasi-bound booklet for anyone who would like to purchase one. they are $5 each (plus shipping) and will include some artwork as well. they will make excellent gifts and bathroom reading material. or it is pretty cheap kindling for your campfire. please email us at mikeandtim@gmail.com or reply by comment indicating how many copies you would like. please allow us a little time to construct the book and mail it to you. most (if not all) of the proceeds will go towards the development costs of the new mikeandtim.com site.

thanks for your support and for reading!

Wednesday, March 15, 2006

You Do It To Yourself

I hate to post just after a quality Mike post, but I haven't written in a little while and this is actually something cool I ran across.

There is a collection of bands doing covers of Radiohead songs for a Radiohead tribute. Now, it is well-documented that Radiohead may be the best-loved band between mikeandtim- so any attempt to cover their songs must be thoroughly scrutinized.

I have hope though. I thought this cover was pretty cool, and I really thought the video was cool- so here is the link to it- this one is the high quality, so you mikeandtim readers using dial-up may want to check it out on low-fi. For more information, a low-fi link, and a tracklisting please check out greenplastic.com.

Also- we are still welcoming suggestions for mikeandtim.com features. GSS (Gender Speculation Symposium) has made the cut, and we will be featuring a store of stick figure art and the Saga of Nemesis #2. Happy Birthday to my sister by the way- Katie is 24 today. Drop her a line if you'd like: kathrynmlancaster@hotmail.com.

the most underappreciated band ever?

this is always somewhat of an interesting topic of conversation because some people are fanatics of bands that most other people dont really like that much. there is a Fox Sports Grill opening tomorrow pretty close to where i live and this past monday night, they had a pre-opening concert. the band was Third Eye Blind, of whom i love. i consider them one of my favorite bands and think they are perhaps the most underappreciated band of our generation.

this Fox Sports Grill is very similar to George Brett's Restaurant in Kansas City if you have ever been there. Fox Sports is a competitor of ESPN and probably has seen the success of the ESPNZone in assorted places across the country, so they decided to open a few sports restaurants and see what happens. i heard about this concert the Friday before on The Ticket (radio) so i pretty much did everything possible to get tickets to the show. it was free, but you had to call some third party and just kinda hope they would leave you some tickets at will call. well, i ended up going up there to the restaurant and talking with a manager and got a call over the weekend saying that she could leave me a few tickets at the show. i was pretty pumped that Third Eye Blind would be playing a show like this and had to get there somehow. i really wanted to invite a few people up for it (my brother being #1 since he loves them too) but i had no idea how many passes i would get, if any at all. i didnt even know until the evening of the show how everything was going to work out.

regardless, the concert was greatness. my wife went with me, which was so much fun since she knew almost all the songs too and i love when she goes to concerts with me. we were about 10 or so people back from the stage, i would guess there were 2,000 people there but i really have no idea. they put on a great show, with great tunage and i loved it.

upon telling people about this concert, i realized that i think i only know 3 people who are truly fans of this band and know songs other than their radio hits. most people think of "semi-charmed life" or "how's it gonna be" when they think of this band, but they are so much more than that. if you have not listened to them much, i encourage you to get their most recent album titled Out of the Vein, or get their first one if you dont have it already. i cannot think of another band who is underappreciated more than Third Eye Blind. here is a short list of bands i think more people should get into...

1. third eye blind
2. ben folds
3. everything but the girl
4. stroke 9 ("little black backpack" is far from the best of this band)
5. guster
6. damien rice (the album "O" is a must own)

if these bands arent in your collection, you might consider adding them.

Monday, March 13, 2006

The Saga of Nemesis # 2 Ends?


the ever treacherous nemesis # 2 (pictured at left) was captured this morning in the "hav-a-heart" live animal trap. i noticed thru the backyard fence that the trap door had closed, but this sometimes happens due to heavy rain and/or winds. i had set the trap up inside my fence, so that the opening to the trap was pushed up against the one spot of my fence that has a hole in the bottom. the bunny used to come in the backyard thru that hole in the fence all the time, but has since wisened up due to my other non-violent bunny removal tactics. the trap was setup in a way that if the little bastard came in the backyard thru that hole in the fence, it would instantly be in the trap and would get closed in. i had put grass and mulch inside on the bottom of the trap so it was more like the ground instead of the metal cage, and it proved successful.

i cannot tell you how excited i was at 7am this morning when i saw him in there. i immediately got down close to the cage and started taunting the little guy. actually he is quite the large rabbit, probably due to all the munch festivals he had in my front and back yards for the last 9 months. but i got you now! my camera is broken, so i took a picture of his bitch ass in the trap with my cell phone. i will make my best effort to find a way to get it uploaded to the site.

i considered torturing him, but he looked so incredibly frightened while i evil-laughed in his face while he was still in the cage that i decided i should release him before i went to work. so i drove a couple miles away to a nice looking park with plenty of fresh grass for him to eat, and set him free. i have never seen him run as fast as he did when i opened the trap door. never. not in all the times i have chased him out of my yard/down the street.

good riddance to you and yours nemesis # 2. good riddance.

Friday, March 10, 2006

featured reader "Ben"

Age: One quarter of a century

Height/Weight: 6'1 180lbs

Birthplace: Tyler, Texas

Most people don't know that I: As a little kid I used to sing in a choir. Until one day, this punk girl told me that I was supposed to "sing" the words and not just "say" them. I got mad and quit.
Favorite zoo animal: The giraffe.

Favorite meal:
Ingredients: chicken and cheese and tortillas and salsa
Prepared: Quesodilla, Soft Taco, Hard Taco, Burrito, Casserole

If stranded on an island, I would take these 3 things: Laptop, cell phone, ipod nano...unless I was going to be stranded for more then a couple days, then I would take, a sleeping-bag-tent, tool box, water purifier.

The one thing I would not sell for any amount of money is: Nothing, you can't take it with you when you die, so all of my material possessions are "for sale". Though the price would be very high on a few things.

Something I just don't understand is: The insatiable greed of man. And the Giraffe, (When I look at a giraffe, It does not make sense to me)

Would you leave the U.S. forever for 10 million dollars?: Of course. I would leave and then just sneak back in though Mexico like everyone else does.

I invented: East Texas Sweetwater

Thursday, March 09, 2006

premature coffee burglar

we all know this wildman. look at his face. that is the face of unwaivering greed and determination to get his coffee before all others get theirs. i can give the premature coffee burglar some slack if he/she chooses to break coffee production cycle at any point after halfway, but this morning's PCB took the thievery to a new level. here is how it went...

i sit close enough to the front door that i can know who comes in when and what activities they may or may not partake in before going to their designated workspace. i was pretty early today so i actually made both pots of coffee this morning. today's PCB walked right in the front door, immediately to coffee bar (which is between front door and my desk) and poured himself a cup of coffee. i was a little surprised to hear the pot rattling noise identifying someone removing pot and pouring coffee, since i had just sat down maybe 2 min before from starting the brew. he then walks right by me and immediately to the water cooler, dilutes his espresso-like potent coffee with hot water and goes upstairs to his desk.

i checked out the coffee pot immediately. a few drops that were just perkalated into the pot were visible, but other than that there was nothing. the PCB poured the entirety of the just made coffee, which was less than a cup, into his cup and then had to ADD HOT WATER to get to full cup level. this is a disgrace. anyone who drinks coffee knows that the early coffee drippings are the most potent because its the first water to make its way thru the grounds. the PCB has changed the potency of the first pot of coffee immeasurably and should be suspended from coffee for the rest of the week.

Wednesday, March 08, 2006

dont act like you didnt watch...

and yet another couple brought together by The Bachelor television show breaks up. this means that there still has not been a couple that has stayed together after meeting on the show. i had to look that up, i am not a Bachelor pro. or maybe i am?

the reason they broke up? both of them said that between November and February they were not allowed to see each other since this was the period of time between the end of filming and the final episode. obviously, 4 months apart is going to be a trial for anyone's newly found relationship. no wonder none of the couples have ever worked out, thats way too long. especially when your relationship depends on a half dozen dates in Paris. plus you are on tv, which is even more uncomfortable. thus proving that "reality tv" is not in fact similar to reality. the show is for tv only. with the current setup, it seems that one really cares if the couple stays together or not, only if people watch the show.

i would like to express my personal recommendation that andTim apply for the next Bachelor or similar type show. he would be great. come on, back me up on this one. he has what the producers most likely look for in a bachelor: good guy, opinionated, emotional, interesting, ladies think he is handsome, etc. would be rather entertaining to watch andTim give those girls a hard time. i am 99% sure it would make for entertaining television.

Tuesday, March 07, 2006

Quadrupeds and Evolution

I saw this article on Yahoo today and felt it was somewhat interesting, but also tremendously stupid.

This is my favourite part: ("favoUrite because he's British. We're culturally sensitive here at mikeandtimblog.blogspot.com. The link for the article is here.)

Nicholas Humphrey, evolutionary psychologist at the London School of Economics, told The Times the discovery opened "an extraordinary window on our past".

"I do not think they were designed to be quadrupeds by their genes, but their unique genetic make-up allowed them to be," he said.

"It has produced an extraordinary window on our past. It is physically possible, which noone would have guessed from the [modern] human skeleton."


Have you ever seen a high school American football practice? (Probably not, I will forgive him for not having witnessed this.) I have two words for you: BEAR CRAWLS. There is your proof that people can walk on all fours. In fact, people can run on all fours! And you are correct, the modern human skeleton is not designed for quadrupedal motion. Intelligent, EVOLVED***** human beings walk on two feet.

More from the article:

"All five are mentally retarded and have problems with language as a result of a form of underdevelopment of the brain known as cerebellar ataxia."

Here is some of the profound logic as I find it:

-We discover a family of mentally challenged people in Turkey
-They walk on all fours
-We find this to be a great discovery and a great window into our evolutionary past

The problem? If we look at the ideas of natural selection and predator/prey relationships these bear crawlers would have been dead meat. Problems with language? Mental retardation? If, if, if these guys existed 3 million years ago, they would have been sitting ducks for any predator. Communication on a human level is light-years beyond any other creature and if we were relegated to a world of no technological development, we would still win the survival race because we can communicate and organize.

Here is my logic:

-I have seen Forrest Gump
-He is a mentally challenged person from Greenbow, Alabama
-He finds a way to keep his boat floating in a storm, and thus monopolizes on the elimination of all competitive interests in the shrimping industry
-He has his money invested in a "Fruit Company"
-He "May not be a smart man, but he knows what love is."

My conclusion:

If I beat my head against my desk enough times to cause myself mental retardation, I can learn how to navigate a ship, make millions and millions of dollars, and find love. People will revere me as a key part to the evolutionary chain in the future. People all around will start to intentionally impair themselves to evolve as a result of my success. Yeah, let's honour (for the Brits) the amazing find of the quadruped, sure to influence all of our concepts of human evolution and sure to benefit the brainwashing in biology and life science classes from here on. Reggie Bush, Vince Young, Matt Leinart? The real first pick should be the guy who learns to run on his hands as well.

***** I don't think macroevolution is science any more than I think I will benefit in life from bashing my head against my desk.

nintendo funtimes

i have busted out my old school nintendo recently and have been playing Zelda. such a great game. i have 4 out of the 8 triforce pieces after playing last night, and the game seems quite a bit easier than i remember. although this game is great, i will rank my top 10 nintendo games of all-time.

1 - Castlevania
2 - Baseball Stars
3 - Tecmo Super Bowl
4 - Ice Hockey
5 - Metroid
6 - Zelda
7 - Tyson's Punch Out
8 - Megaman
9 - Golf
10 - Super Mario 3
with Super Sprint being a close 11

what ya got?

oh, and if anyone out there still has old nintendo stuff, i will buy it off of you. i love it.

Monday, March 06, 2006

caught sleeping at work? try this...

this list is courtesy of a good friend of mine. for sake of anonymity, we will refer to him as "Ben"


10. "They told me at the Blood Bank this might happen."

9. "This is just a 15 minute power nap they raved about in the time management course you sent me to."

8. "Whew! Guess I left the top off the Whiteout. You probably got herejust in time."

7. "I wasn't sleeping! I was meditating on the mission statement and envisioning a new business strategy."

6. "I was testing my keyboard for drool resistance."

5. "I was doing a highly specific Yoga exercise to relievework-relatedstress. Are you discriminatory toward people who practice Yoga?"

4. "Darn! Why did you interrupt me? I had almost figured out how tohandle that big accounting problem."

3. "Did you ever notice sound coming out of these keyboards when youputyour ear down real close?"

2. "Who put decaf in the wrong pot?!?"

And the NUMBER ONE best thing to say if you get caught sleeping atyourdesk........
1. Raise your head slowly and say, "...in Jesus' name, Amen."

Thursday, March 02, 2006

Math and Mardi Gras Crime

andTim reporting from New Orleans....

I have been hearing on the news all day (as I was in the car for 90% of the day) that Mardi Gras arrests were significantly less this year than last, which apparently should give people hope or something. Of course then they followed with the stat that approximately 300-350,000 people attended this year, down from around 1 million last year.


Simple math from andTim:

2005- 1574 arrests
2006- 632 arrests

2005- 1,000,000 attendees
2006- 350,000 attendees

2005- 1 arrest per every 635 people
2006- 1 arrest per every 582 people

The arrest rate actually increased around 13%! And that's assuming conservative figures! Unreal...So the number of crimes was low, but the crime rate was not. More math to come in future blogs....

GSS - Puff the Magic Dragon

it has been a little while since our last Gender Speculation Symposium, so it felt like a good time to do one. plus, who doesnt often debate the gender of Puff the Magic Dragon? i am pretty sure we are all guilty of that.

here are a few tidbits i found on Puff's myspace profile:

name: Puff
scientific name: greenus homo-perhapsus dragonus
height: 11' 7 3/4"

weight: unknown, wont tell anyone
age: immortal
skin tone: broccoli
favorite new musician: josh groban
interests: playing with little children, swimming in assorted lakes, playing with little children, tennis, likes to make birdhouses, playing with little children
favorite drink*: the "dragon" shake. throw all of the following in a blender: V8, metamucil, small cat, various non-biodegradable plastics, black licorice, and a pinch of hand sanitizer. then hit "liquify".

based on the facts above of this mysterious dragon, Puff is a rather difficult GSS candidate to pin down. since Puff is referred to as a "he" in the popular song named after Puff, the only logical conclusion is to believe that he must in fact be of male gender, but is undeniably a little too in touch with his feminine side.

thus concluding that Puff is in fact a male dragon with gayish tendencies.

*this is a fictitous and most likely poisonous concoction. do not attempt to make or consume such toxic waste.

Wednesday, March 01, 2006

not guilty by reason of insanity

have you heard anything about this Dena Schlosser trial going on in Dallas, TX? Ms. Schlosser cut off the arms of her 10-month old baby, and the baby died. She faced Capital Murder charges in a Plano, TX courtroom, but the trial has recently ended. this is a sickening story. the trial ended due to a hung jury, and i thank the one person who decided that "not guilty by reason of insanity" was not the correct verdict, but that she was guilty. i mean, of course one would probably be classified insane to cut off her own baby's arms and thus killing the child, right? wouldnt someone who intentionally murders be able to claim that at that one point in time they were insane or out of control of their emotions/actions but most of the time they arent like that? so i ask the question...

is it possible that anyone who would commit this act (or similar acts) is not "insane"?

i guess it somewhat comes down to the definition of insanity as identified by the law and court system. people who commit such crimes of this magnitude need to be quarantined from society. why? so they dont do it again. is that not a good enough reason? perhaps they need treatment, but any and all such treatment should be handled behind bars. there should be a merge of psychological treatments/evaluation with the prison system. i believe this would benefit both society and the people who commit such crimes. these convicted murderers should be designated "guilty by reason of insanity". a person is guilty of the crime, regardless if they flew off the handle and had an insane moment. this exemplifies that these people have the capacity to commit such acts and they need to be contained and treated accordingly. whether or not people can be released after treatment would be up to the combination of the Dept of Corrections (familiar with criminal behavior) with the balance of psychiatric professionals who are familiar with the behavior of the insane/dependent. the initial conglomeration of such areas would cost additional money at first, but i have no problem with the small tax hike it would necessitate. get these people help if they need it, but dont give them a bottle of pills after 6 months in a psych hospital and send them back into the public domain. that doesnt seem like a very good idea.