Friday, September 30, 2005

it is the Stros year / bunny commando

if you dont think its the Stros year, your reading privileges for this blog have been suspended for one week. yeah thats right, i just grounded you. all you crazy readers out there, yeah you, there must be at least a billion of you...dont come back till October 7th if you do not believe in the Stros. the Stros will get to and win the World Series. get on board the wagon of truth.

in other news and notes, i chased a bunny rabbit for about 1/8 mile last night in an attempt to scare the little bastards out of my yard. see, where i live there are bunny rabbits instead of squirrels. where i grew up, there were ganders of suicidal squirrels that would play a continuous game of frogger on the roads due to overpopulation and pier pressure tests of bravery*. now you would think my front yard is a giant lettuce patch in which the bunnies want to live in my hedges and munch down on my yard. they have roosted in the dying bush nearest to my front door and i have now implemented the "shock and awe those rabbit bitches" tactical operation. every time i water my lawn i first put on my college lacrosse cleats, then i get out the high pressure hose attachment valve and spray directly at the rabbit bitch roost. upon "bunny exodus", i drop the hose and sprint after the rabbits. i have no chance of catching them, nor do i want to hurt them**, but i just want to chase them out of my yard. perhaps due to high daily stress imposition i will force them to go live somewhere else. they are killing the grass and the "shock and awe" is more than necessary. it is mandatory and i will prevail.

* speculatory comment - i have yet to survey the squirrels, but i will.
** may or may not be a true statement

Thursday, September 29, 2005


10 people who rank amongst those who are just a beating
(in no particular order)

rush limbaugh
katie curic
ll cool j
james "gollum" carville
siegfried and/or roy
the little fat kid with glasses in jerry mcguire
brent musburger
the two girls that do weekend update on SNL
kevin costner

Tuesday, September 20, 2005

addition by subtraction

When it works:

Eat less, lose weight
Getting rid of motorcycle cops
The Penguin (my old boss) talks less
Going from 10hrs of sleep to 7hrs
Shawn Bradley retires from basketball
Watch less Reality TV

When it does not work:

Paul McCartney without the Beatles
Less cops in general
Silence/Lack of noise (quiet is underrated)
Going from 7hrs of sleep to 4hrs
The Vikings sans Randy Moss
Removing ham from the ham sandwich


I really like fog in the morning.
I don't think it's possible to have fog in the afternoon in Texas.
It just makes everything calm.
I could commute for hours in fog.
Very relaxing.
I need coffee.

Friday, September 16, 2005

Football Rant & Solo Going Out


I have heard analysis of the Texans/Bills football game all week. Bottom line, Texans played poorly, Bills played good, Bills won. Is there really a need to analyze one game for a whole week? I hate that about sports radio. Everyone has their opinion and speculation about how the Texans lost the game. I have played many sports, and winning or losing boils down to a few things:

1) Ability- some people are faster, bigger, or stronger than others. This is obvious.
2) Coaching/Adjustment- if you're getting burned the same way over and over, adjust. If you're getting pummeled, motivate your players to play better. If you're winning, motivate you're
players to stay focused.
3) Preparation- no matter how much physically ability or intelligence you have, if you aren't
prepared mentally and physically to play, the results will not be good. The flipside to this is...
4) Luck- play calling, audibles, bad spots of turf, injuries, etc. Some of the things have a science
to them, but in many ways it's a GUESSING game. No one knows for sure what is going to
happen. Sometimes you are prepared out the wazoo, but the other team somehow keeps
beating you.

In Conclusion- the Texans offensive line is their biggest problem. That's it. The defense gave up 22 points- but they were on the field for 95% of the game. 5 field goals and one touchdown. If the offense gives these guys any rest-THROUGH THEIR SUCCESS ON THE FIELD- the defense allows maybe 13 points. So the defense is not a problem. David Carr is good- give him time. Andre Johnson is good, let David Carr throw to him. Domanick Davis is adequate. Corey Bradford can catch, just give David the time to get him the ball. This paragraph is ALL that needs to be stated about the Texans- not an entire WEEK of sports radio.

In other news...

I went out by myself last night and had fun. It's an interesting thing to do. I recommend trying it to all of our single blogreaders out there in realworldland.

confusion amidst, coupled with lovely tunes

on my way from dunkin donuts to work this morning, i saw a very strange sign. it had three statements that rotated, creating a message that i cannot figure out. here it is...

"Bait cars deployed"
"all over the city"
"steal one, go to jail!"

huh? so...the new goal of the police is to leave assorted stealable cars just taunting people to theive them, just to see if people will steal them, so the cops can then hunt you down like a dog and throw you in jail. if i understand this correctly, the police are now creating crime. good work dallas law enforcement, keep on keepin on.

and in other news, i have been on somewhat of a strange online music purchasing kick in which i purchase rather gay songs because they are funny to jam out to in the office. the most recent..."All Out of Love" by Air Supply. love it. such a lame song, yet so great to turn up to uncomfortable volumes in my cubicle while slowly spinning in chair, holding #1 finger in the air and a lighter in the other hand. it is magical, you should try it. also of note, i purchased this song while listening to "Spin the Black Circle" by Pearl Jam. my music taste has no consistency.

Thursday, September 15, 2005

The Stupidity of America

Brevity is my friend, brevity is my friend...

Here are some interesting things to consider about America

-Labor unions have come together to demand higher wages for laborers, health benefits, 401K's, daycare, etc in many parts of the country. We pay manual laborers an UNBELIEVABLE amount more than any other part of the world.
And yet we complain about factories and jobs sent overseas......

-Illegal immigration is completely out of control. I don't even want to start discussing this in detail. I would be here for years. If we could control it, more jobs would be available to American workers.... if they would take them.

-In the South, the vast majority of manual labor is done by Hispanics, some legal, some illegal.
Every construction crew, every landscaping business, every janitorial service, in short- every job not wanted by Non-Hispanic Americans is DOMINATED by an imported labor force.

What drives me insane is this...

We whine so much about the condition of our economy, about low wages for the working class, etc. and we are losing our country to people who come into our country illegally to find higher paying jobs. We have become too proud. There is nothing wrong with working for minimum wage. I have done it. I wasn't trying to support a family while doing it, but then again, I wasn't stupid enough to go out and start a family with a minimum wage income.

I'm not saying unfortunate instances do not occur. I am saying "Suck it up" to American people who whine about their wages/benefits, etc. If all Hispanic immigrants decided to stop working or form a labor union- the Southern US would be done in a second- with the rest of the US quickly to follow. We have put ourselves in an inestimable state of fragility through pride.

The equation is simple for Corporate interests:

American Laborer = $10/hr. + BENEFITS.
Foreign Laborer = $.50/hr + air.

Where would you build your factory?

Brief Music Rant

The Rolling Stones have released another album. What I want to know is why? Why? What do they have left to prove/accomplish as a band? Nothing. They haven't written anything interesting in circa 30 years. Instead, they decide to regurgitate the same "Stones" sound over and over, thus watering down their good stuff with this crap. This is my official plea to the Rolling Stones to stop making music. Now.

sore losers/winners?

the activity in this picture drives me crazy. what is it about baseball? why does the winning team only shake hands/hi-five with itself, while the losing team scampers off with haste into its own dugout with their tail between their legs? i love baseball. love it. but why (after the high school level i think) does this sour phenomenon present itself after every game? all other professional sports congratulate and/or shake hands with the other team after the game...why cant baseball?

maybe it has to do with what i call "baseball rage". baseball players rage without warrant more than any other sport. really it should be called a tantrum. a call doesnt go their way so they fly off the handle and punch water coolers, dugout walls, or throw their helmets. of course there are plenty of players who do not rage like this, but it seems like it happens way too much in a non-contact sport like baseball. perhaps this rage prohibits basball players from shaking hands after the game? as if there is so much risk that one might flip out and start a hair pulling riot that they just cant chance it. shake hands with the other team and like it.

Tuesday, September 13, 2005

raise your hand if you understand this

one of my personal goals is to appreciate art. that statement may sound broad and ambiguous but it is supposed to be. sure, a lot of crap out there gets called "art" that maybe shouldnt be...or should it? diagram A, please look at the painting below and try to take something from it. try and appreciate what it took to make this, what the artist was thinking, or dismiss it as total bunk.

the name of this artwork is simply titled "painting". i am a critical person, so when a painting like this is actually called "painting", i get a little annoyed. however, this particular work was done by Jackson Pollack, who is the most popular abstract painter in the history of the world. so, isnt it worth another look? i think so. in an effort to further my culturedness i have made this my desktop wallpaper until i appreciate it.

Hearts and Beers

So.. I have had heart palpitations/arrythmia for sometime and decided to have it checked out yesterday, as I have had more frequent occurrences over the last few months. They decided to fit me out with a heart monitor for 24 hours, which looks like a giant Ipod on my belt. However, I still managed to do a backflip at Young Life club with the heart monitor last night.... can't wait till they see what my heart did circa 8:45 pm yesterday.

Saturday was my brother's 21st birthday which was good times. He did his fair amount of drinking, while keeping his composure. It's kind of odd that he is a legal adult now, but it's more odd that I am going to be 27 than it is that he is 21. Just one of those things. Back to work.

Friday, September 09, 2005

crazy swedes

This could be one of the funnier pictures ever.
Happy Friday.

Thursday, September 08, 2005


it is unreal how little the general public pays attention to the world around them. much of the time, it is as if they act like no other people exist. this may be most obvious while driving, as some people make no effort to watch where they are going or who else is near them. i was at supertarget last night getting groceries and right as i am about to pull into a parking spot there are two shopping carts right in the middle of the spot. this drives me crazy to begin with, but in this case, this spot was immediately adjacent to the cart depository. RIGHT NEXT TO IT. how much more effort is it to roll the cart 8 feet to the dropoff location. and then, someone else must have figured, "well, there is already one cart here, i guess its ok to put mine here too." unbelievable.

once inside the supertarget, i am walking down the bread aisle with my wife, and she is walking in front of me as i push the cart behind her. (of course i follow, i dont know what the heck is going on in grocery stores, i may as well be asleep since i assist only by pushing cart). there is a woman in the aisle about midway down, and it is already clear a situation could be upcoming. she is taking up approximately 60% of the lane width due to her cart and her 2 kids in the cart reaching for the shelves with both arms and legs like drugged up orangutans. my wife walks past her on the left and i am not more than 6 feet behind when Mrs. Oblivion steps right in front of my cart (i nearly hit her) to bend over and stick her big ol ass up in the air as she carefully and very slowly analyzes the 20 different kinds of peanut butter on the shelf. i kind of shuffle the cart a little but dont say anything, and eventually throw a foot shuffle/throat clear to alert her of my presence. the woman is rather plump and there is no way i can pass without her moving, as she is directly in between cart with orangutans and the shelf she is looking at. she does not move, look at me, or say anything. so i stand there. my wife starts to p-chuck* a bit as she notices i cannot do anything except wait for Grimace to step out of the way. the impass lasts circa 1 minute and i cannot help but giggle as she finally hoists herself out of her crouch and finally turns and sees me as i walk past.

people are so oblivious.

* p-chuck is short for "personal chuckle". that little half-snicker you get when you witness someone else take an unavoidable beating

Wednesday, September 07, 2005

Disturbing Trend

I have found that, in a somewhat not-so-ironic twist, that Nascar fans happen to be some of the worst drivers in the world. Honestly. I may have to start tracking the bad driving of people with "24" or "Dale Jr." stickers. Seriously. Lay off the Nascar. We already know that these are the most talentless group of auto-racers on the planet. Sadly, not only do you endorse them- you emulate their driving style at 1/3 the speed. The next S-1o with a Jimmie Johnson sticker and a Confederate flag is likely to face my instinctive rally car talents- replete with a Macintosh sticker and the bird.

Tuesday, September 06, 2005

A Few Things Straight....

A list of things that need to be stated:

1- George Bush does not dislike black people.
People who say sensationalistic things like this who have positions of national attention should have slander laws enforced against them.

2- George Bush is not responsible for the conditions that allowed Hurricane Katrina to reach the magnitude that it did.
In the interest of brevity, I refuse to rant about how overblown supposed "Global Warming" is. The Kyoto Protocol would have done
NOTHING to stop what Katrina became.

3- The Government knows more than you do.
This needs to be stressed. There are people in the government who work. Most of themwork much harder and more hours than the typical American worker. If you do not trustthat these people want the best for our country regardless of the geographic location or race of the victims involved- MOVE TO ANOTHER COUNTRY. You don't belong here. CNN, Foxnews, Yahoo, whom or whatever your outlet for news is, does not know anywhere nearas much as the people WHOSE JOB it is to take action in these times of crisis. Mobilizing tens of thousands of National Guard troops over an entire country, sending in emergency vehicles for rescue efforts, and allocating shelter and food for HALF A MILLION people cannot be achieved with a few phone calls or e-mails. Shut your mouths. Our country is the most benevolent, selfless nation that has ever existed in the history of man. The fact that almost every person in the city was evacuated within a week shows an efficiency and organizationalstandard that is impressive to say the least. If you don't like it, move to Mexico- I have too much respect for Canada to tell you to go there.

Friday, September 02, 2005

the wombattus

a new animal was discovered...

this is a picture of the wombattus (yes, the one of folklore). this is the only known photo taken, and its place of origin is debated. some even debate if it is an actual photograph or not...

and in other news, the haste of the dutch squirrel rushing past my cubicle just made a few loose leaf papers in my inbox flutter. have a good labor day weekend and please help the victims of Hurricane Katrina with your time, donations, and/or prayers.

Thursday, September 01, 2005

mda003 update, new orleans, gay love solved

yesterday morning, i was required to move desks. no tellin if this had anything to do with the mda003 chronicles, but lets go ahead and assume that it did. it probably had more to do with a new hire bumped two people out of their seats, who then took my seat and the mda003's seat, so we both had to relocate. mda003 went down to the regime headquarters on the other end of the building and i had to choose between three terrible locations. i do have a window to look out of now though, which is nice. i can no longer account for mda003 activity though and am in much more danger of the sneak attack by not only mda003, but other agents as well.

i was listening to the radio on the way to work this morning and heard of looters/hooligans in new orleans stealing guns and going on a theft spree as armed robbers. i understand there is some desparation here, but i also heard that one group of armed looters were shooting their weapons at a RELIEF HELICOPTER that was trying to bring in supplies, assess the situation, and provide aid. terrible.

so explain this: if people believe that gay folk are born homosexual and it isnt their fault, then with this same theory, why are there no gay animals running around out there? at least we could find some gay dolphins right? they are supposedly the only other animal who derives pleasure from sex i think, so certainly some of them will eventually go gay. perhaps Free Willy means something different than we thought? i think he was a killer whale, but maybe he was trying to be freed from the persecution of the straight whales due to his gayness? a bit insensitive, i know. i never saw the movie anyway. i still want to start a reality tv show called "straight eye for the queer guy" and have cool straight guys teach gay guys how to walk non-gay, how to talk non-gay, and how to like football and beer more than the joan rivers red carpet fashion review and cosmo's. just a thought. i bet it would be an unbelievable success.

how about this for a gay marriage solution...prescription drugs. seems to be the answer for everything else right? can it be that hard to make a pill (or gelcap if you prefer) to turn a gay dude into a hetero dude? people with other issues/diseases/dispositions seek help and find remedy that way, why not gay folks? the thing is, gays dont think being gay is wrong, they embrace it. but should non-gays be forced to accept/embrace gayness by making gay marriage socially acceptable and lawful? i agree with andTim on this one, love the sinner, hate the sin. cause that is what we are all asking for right?

Gay Marriage

I was watching Bill Maher's show on HBO last night, which is a fairly predictable onslaught on Conservatism and Christian Values, and there was a guest named Dan Savage (a columnist) on his show last night. Savage is a well-spoken and intelligent man. He is also gay. He stated that he has been with his partner for 10 years, and that they have a 7-yr. old adopted son that they are raising. Savage was doing a great job of using a defensive tone against the "aggressor" Mike Huckabee. Huckabee is the Governor of Arkansas, and while I had never seen him speak before, I was quite impressed by his demeanor, his reasoning, and his position on most of the topics that were addressed on the show. Huckabee was never hostile or anything less than cordial with Savage, but Savage unfortunately takes the victim's position as is popular with any "minority" group in America.
Something jumped out at me during the course of the show though. As much as Huckabee probably wanted to say something outright about gay marriage, he didn't . Part of me does not blame him at all. It is such a divisive issue in America that speaking anything in opposition to it could mean the end of a future opportunity at higher office. I realized that I wanted to say something at that moment, "Gay marriage is wrong." It is a simple statement. In accordance with my beliefs as a Chrisitan man, homosexuality is a sin. Marriages exist in large part as a proper arena for sexual interaction between a man and a woman, not for hedonistic purposes, but for reproduction! Here are passages that support this from the Bible: (from Romans Ch. 1)

20For since the creation of the world God's invisible qualities—his eternal power and divine nature—have been clearly seen, being understood from what has been made, so that men are without excuse.

21For although they knew God, they neither glorified him as God nor gave thanks to him, but their thinking became futile and their foolish hearts were darkened. 22Although they claimed to be wise, they became fools 23and exchanged the glory of the immortal God for images made to look like mortal man and birds and animals and reptiles.

24Therefore God gave them over in the sinful desires of their hearts to sexual impurity for the degrading of their bodies with one another. 25They exchanged the truth of God for a lie, and worshiped and served created things rather than the Creator—who is forever praised. Amen.

26Because of this, God gave them over to shameful lusts. Even their women exchanged natural relations for unnatural ones. 27In the same way the men also abandoned natural relations with women and were inflamed with lust for one another. Men committed indecent acts with other men, and received in themselves the due penalty for their perversion.

This passage is to me the most clear passage about homosexuality in the Bible. There is also the passage in Genesis 19 about Sodom and Gomorrah, where the men of the city threaten to break into Lot's house to have sex with the two Angels that have come to visit him. (The Bible does state that they appeared in the image of men, not women.) The one example used to display the wickedness of Sodom and Gomorrah has to do with sexual perversion VIA HOMOSEXUALITY. There is no doubt that there were other sinful acts being committed, but out of everything that could have been written about in the Bible, it is homosexuality that is spotlighted. Is there any doubt that homosexuality is wrong in the eyes of God, and that as Christians we need to continually be vocal about our opposition to gay marriage? I don't think so. Think more deeply... Love the sinner, hate the sin.