Tuesday, March 07, 2006

Quadrupeds and Evolution

I saw this article on Yahoo today and felt it was somewhat interesting, but also tremendously stupid.

This is my favourite part: ("favoUrite because he's British. We're culturally sensitive here at mikeandtimblog.blogspot.com. The link for the article is here.)

Nicholas Humphrey, evolutionary psychologist at the London School of Economics, told The Times the discovery opened "an extraordinary window on our past".

"I do not think they were designed to be quadrupeds by their genes, but their unique genetic make-up allowed them to be," he said.

"It has produced an extraordinary window on our past. It is physically possible, which noone would have guessed from the [modern] human skeleton."


Have you ever seen a high school American football practice? (Probably not, I will forgive him for not having witnessed this.) I have two words for you: BEAR CRAWLS. There is your proof that people can walk on all fours. In fact, people can run on all fours! And you are correct, the modern human skeleton is not designed for quadrupedal motion. Intelligent, EVOLVED***** human beings walk on two feet.

More from the article:

"All five are mentally retarded and have problems with language as a result of a form of underdevelopment of the brain known as cerebellar ataxia."

Here is some of the profound logic as I find it:

-We discover a family of mentally challenged people in Turkey
-They walk on all fours
-We find this to be a great discovery and a great window into our evolutionary past

The problem? If we look at the ideas of natural selection and predator/prey relationships these bear crawlers would have been dead meat. Problems with language? Mental retardation? If, if, if these guys existed 3 million years ago, they would have been sitting ducks for any predator. Communication on a human level is light-years beyond any other creature and if we were relegated to a world of no technological development, we would still win the survival race because we can communicate and organize.

Here is my logic:

-I have seen Forrest Gump
-He is a mentally challenged person from Greenbow, Alabama
-He finds a way to keep his boat floating in a storm, and thus monopolizes on the elimination of all competitive interests in the shrimping industry
-He has his money invested in a "Fruit Company"
-He "May not be a smart man, but he knows what love is."

My conclusion:

If I beat my head against my desk enough times to cause myself mental retardation, I can learn how to navigate a ship, make millions and millions of dollars, and find love. People will revere me as a key part to the evolutionary chain in the future. People all around will start to intentionally impair themselves to evolve as a result of my success. Yeah, let's honour (for the Brits) the amazing find of the quadruped, sure to influence all of our concepts of human evolution and sure to benefit the brainwashing in biology and life science classes from here on. Reggie Bush, Vince Young, Matt Leinart? The real first pick should be the guy who learns to run on his hands as well.

***** I don't think macroevolution is science any more than I think I will benefit in life from bashing my head against my desk.


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