Thursday, December 29, 2005

behavior tips (part one)

a few things any self-respecting dude should never do:

1. get a pedicure
2. drive a VW Bug convertible
3. say "YOU GO GIRL!!"
4. purchase a hair brush
5. intentionally watch "Meet the Barkers"
6. make a cassarole
7. "draw" yourself a bath
8. get anything waxed*
9. correctly use the word "duvet" in a sentence
10. wear white socks with sandals

*acceptable if you have "squatchback" or "yeticoat"

Wednesday, December 28, 2005

Nemesis # 2 vs. Hav-a-hart Live Trap

we are reaching the end of the line with my non-violent solutions to the rabbit problem i have in my front yard. the live trap will probably be the final challenger that does not involve some form of air rifle or gun. the nemesis # 2 has proven its adaptability, resilience, and ferocity, and if it does not go quietly by getting trapped inside of the cage pictured, i will be forced to violence. i have purchased the trap, will bait and set tonight. if there is any update tomorrow morning (and i certainly hope we will find one of these bastards in there) i will blog before i even check my work email tomorrow morning.

Friday, December 23, 2005

technology question

our society is built around convenience, isnt it? everything is made to be faster, easier, etc. For example, we have drive thru dry-cleaning. dry cleaning itself is a time saver, you dont have to clean or iron. but now we can drive up and someone runs out to our car and puts the clothes in our car for us so we can hurry off to our next destination. we have computers that do calculations and spreadsheets and allow us to find information incredibly faster than ever before. we have microwaveable dinners. we have movies that are delivered to our mailbox so we dont have to drive two blocks to the video store. we have everything imaginable online available for purchase for ease of finding gifts and shipping them so we dont have to go to the store. we have fast food, cell phones, maids to clean our houses, online bill payment, little thingys on our keychains to make our gas purchase a split second faster than swiping a credit card at the pump, etc etc etc. we could go on for days, there are millions of examples.

so my question is...what are we doing with all this extra time we have?

what are you doing with all of your extra time? things as simple as washing dishes and clothes took people hours barely a century ago, and we just turn a knob and let a machine do the work. do you spend more time with your family? do you spend more time with God? do you spend more time at work so you can do even more things faster to make more money to buy more things that do things faster? what is our hurry? why do we want things done faster? is our utopia to be able to sit back and do absolutely nothing? perhaps. i think one generational chasm we currently have is that the generation 30 and under right now is very wrapped up in making everything faster. many people over that age know the value of slowing things down because their parents made them do all kinds of things they didnt want to do, but are probably retrospectively thankful.

isnt there some value in learning patience and not having everything instantly? i predict the general trend of public desire will shift toward "doing things the old way" and taking vacations to where people can slow down and enjoy the old west cowboy life, go on a camping/hiking trip where you are self sufficient and cook over a fire, or maybe even go on a Viking retreat. i think many people get old cars to work on, get into sailboats, or do puzzles because they subconsciously would like to do things that take time for the sake of maturity. maybe my new years resolution will be based on thinking this thru and determining how i want to allocate the electricity i generate by running on my human hamster wheel. something to think about anyway...

Tuesday, December 20, 2005

Rock Radio

Rock radio is so disappointing. I know this is something that is not lost on most people, but let me explain further.
FM radio is not nearly as popular as it once was. I don't think the format is entirely dead yet, but it is digging its own grave. (Interestingly, AM radio- mainly talk stations- is more popular than ever.)
Radio used to be a place where the DJ's loved music. They were "In the Know" about music and bands and for most of them DJing was much more than a job, it was a way to share their passion for a creative art with the rest of the world. However, for a variety of reasons it has been rendered the status of an annoying and repetitious medium primarily existing for the sake of its own ad revenue.
When was the last time a radio station played something risky? Something that the majority of its listeners were not familiar with? Let's take Radiohead for example. They have sold millions upon millions of albums worldwide, sell out concerts in a moments notice, and have released some of the best alternative rock music in the past 10 years. And yet, the only Radiohead song you are ever going to hear on the radio is "Creep". At one point in time you might have heard "High and Dry" as well- but not anymore. Clear Channel and Corporate America have ruined radio. It is perhaps the worst example of the attempted coexistence of art and capitalism.
This is my plea to rock radio: go back to the music. Stop playing rap music samples in the background everytime a DJ talks. Just let the DJ talk over silence. Play music that is original and groundbreaking, not Nickelback. Hire DJ's that are obsessed with music, not pop culture, not sex, not themselves; music. And do it quickly. The former playground of Jimi Hendrix, the Beatles, Elvis and countless others is but a glip on the listernership radar compared to the likes of Rush Limbaugh. And I like Limbaugh. But there is no way he should "outlisten" good rock radio. Put an end to it.. please.

Wednesday, December 14, 2005

rare breed of restroom goblin / victoria's secret?

the bathroom door handle. some protect themselves from it, some dont. some are not able to due to the hand dryer installation instead of paper towel dispenser. crazy environmentalists. regardless of what method of sanitation or lack thereof you exhibit upon restroom exodus, i witnessed a new one today. a coworker of mine went to the urinal to do his deed, then upon leaving the restroom, he grabbed a paper towel then used it to shield the door handle germ emporium from contaminating his hand and walked out the door. "what is so odd?" you ask...havent we all seen this?" the answer is no, no we have not. you may not have noticed, but i never said this particular restroom goblin ever washed his hands. that was because HE DIDNT. the dude took a piss, walked to the paper towel dispenser sans handwash, then tore paper towel off, grabbed door handle, and walked out.

well, call me old fashioned or call me gay (i prefer old fashioned), but i have issue with the nationally-televised-on-a-major-network Victoria's Secret fashion show. i know i will get ridicule for this but there needs to be some censorship somewhere. i mean, what non-gay dude with a dr. dingus doesnt want to watch this? all guys do. in fact, the gay dudes probably want to watch so they can check out the "fashion". my issue is that these women are asymptotically* approaching the tangential line of full nudity, which i am also not in favor of showing at 7pm on ABC. put this lingerie show on HBO or somewhere else where it is easier to shield a 9 year old latchkey kid with a remote from watching naked women on tv. whats next? all we have to do is look at the Sports Illustrated swimsuit issue and we know where this is heading. you basically cant get any closer to nudity without the actual naked. SI figured it out, they now do body-paint swimsuits. the girl is nude but they are painted so its ok. so how long until we see painted-on lingerie? or see thru? or the actual sex on primetime television? not long enough.

* consult if you do not understand this metaphor

Friday, December 02, 2005

the misuse of the word sexy / blog gets ranked

there is this one dude at my office that initiated the Penguin Theory, and although he is not the first ever penguin, he was the first one to be identified as such and basically serves as the benchmark for other potential penguins. andTim and i will reveal more about the Penguin Theory as time goes on, but one characteristic of the penguin is the misuse of words in the english language. well, the penguin has ventured into other languages and makes bad calls in french now as well, which may be even more of a beating. anyway, in the instance of yesterday, the penguin misused the word "sexy" and has probably done so 100 times. a direct quote from the penguin to a co-worker yesterday at work occurred as follows:

"Bucky*, I never see you workin' on anything sexy."
*Bucky is my default name for anonymity

the penguin is the king of creating work for himself (and even more so for others) in an effort to prove his sweetness to the prospective client, and tries to find "sexy" new ideas or proposals to impress said client. he calls anything that he finds interesting or new, "sexy", and i have been hearing this word on sports talk radio a lot as well saying the Bears arent a very sexy team since they arent flashy and dont have much offense. this is improper usage. sexy is a hot babe in lingerie. sexy is a hot babe in a nice dress with high heels. sexy is reserved for hot babes. stop using it to describe the new innovative estimate you did penguin that neither impressed the customer nor won us the deal. to ESPN radio: if you think a football team is sexy (like the Colts, as multiple ESPN dudes have said this year), you are all homos. the penguin also uses the word "caveat" as a verb, which drives me crazy.

in other news, mikeandtim got ranked the #304 best blog in the world by a known blog tracking entity. here is the link if you do not believe. not sure how this happened though, since the only regular reader is one "Dr. Swiss of Limberger".

happy friday kids.