Tuesday, November 15, 2005

parents / soccer is barely a sport

the parent topic is one that just begs to be criticized, isnt it? everyone parents a certain way because either thats how they were brought up, they live vicariously through their children, they take their life stress out on their children, think it is the best way to raise kids, dont care, or for whatever reason. i am pretty sure i could write a book on my opinions, however it would carry no weight since i do not have any kids. kind of like andTim's marriage counseling. i will propose the following thoughts for our one reader (Dr. Swiss of Limberger) to ponder (listed as thoughts directed toward the parent of an elementary school child) :

1. believe it or not, your child is not daddy's little angel 100% of the time
2. if your child receives a grade of 98 instead of a 100, and your child is under the age of 8 years old, this will not destroy their chances of getting into the ivy league school you chose for them upon womb exodus
3. if your child receives discipline at school (getting a "check" by their name) this is not an invitation for you to verbally assault the teacher with your only point being "my little Johnny would never do such a thing!"
4. it is your job to discipline your child at home so they behave better at school, not the other way around
5. the school district is not out to get you
6. do not try to protect your kid from every possible situation. for example, if there is another child who says that your Johnny is a "poopyface" because your Johnny kicked them, this does not make Johnny the victim. if Johnny kicked another kid, he should be willing to accept such consequence as being called a "poopyface"
7. do not do your child's homework for them. it is pretty obvious when the teacher's husband grades the paper and the handwriting is by someone who doesnt write backwards 4's and inverted letter R's

i just realized this isnt as interesting on paper as it is in my head, so, next subject.

soccer is terrible. anyone who knows me knows that i hate soccer. however, i will always give it a chance. the Major League Soccer Championship game between the New England Revolution and the Los Angeles Galaxy was televised over the weekend, so i figured i should watch some to give it a shot. bored out of my mind, i continued to watch. "but you dont understand, soccer is exciting, you just dont see the plays and the strategy." yeah...i think i do. the plays dont exist. the play is as follows: kick the ball and hope the other team doesnt either intercept the ball or kick it out of bounds. once the ball is "contained" by the receiving player, just try and hang on to it as long as possible, until it is either stolen, kicked out of bounds, or kicked backwards. oh yeah, i almost forgot. whatever you do, dont kick it at the goal. the only actual "play" in the playbook is to not have the other team steal the ball. in fact, thats why there is no soccer playbook. the "playbook" is a sheet of paper that says "kick, chase, dont use hands, chase, kick, flop, repeat". keys to the game? try and not let the other team within 50 yards of the goal (not very challenging as soccer players are taught from an early age to fear the goal and stay away instinctfully.)

care to argue? the MLS Championship went to double overtime with a score of, you guessed it, NO SCORE. 0-0. 0-0? dont ya think maybe we should make some rule adjustments so someone scores A goal after 90 minutes of gameplay? "awwwww, but you just dont understand the defensive battle and the skill involved." yeah i do. make the sport be conducive to deciding a winner, and you may lure me in. the "strategy" you speak of is obvious. kick the ball upfield, hope your dude gets there first, and if he doesnt, flop on the ground like a third grader acting like you got fouled. i have such a passionate dislike for the soccer. at one point during the MLS Championship, they broke to commercial, except they didnt really break to commercial. they went to a split screen so you didnt "miss out on any of the action". i wouldnt say i had been missing it Bob. i found myself watching the commercials instead and was more entertained. once the commercials went away, i changed the channel.


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