Monday, November 14, 2005

Message to Chicks- "The POSAS"


We (young single adult men) are tired of your games. Most of them are inane and stupid. Due to the pervasiveness of the gay mafia (see blog circa July), general hedonism, and Desperate Housewives, you somehow feel that you have a generational license to act like complete illogical morons. This is not a new revelation, it is just a statement of fact. Most of you geniuses think that you want kids/family with a husband who is loving, caring, attentive, respectful, thoughtful, etc. The irony is that when presented with a palpable solution to the family/spouse situation, you most often act like, well... this is a family blog and I won't express my true feelings here.

There are a few noteable classic dating break-up lines:

"It's not you, it's me."

"I just want to be friends."

"It was just going too fast."

"I need some time/space."

"Your breath is terrible."**

**I started brushing 3 times a day after this.

But... this is my new favorite, and perhaps the ultimate because it conveniently requires no confrontation. Long story short, I meet a girl out dancing the other night; we enjoy dancing with one another, we talk a fair amount, etc. At the end of the evening I ask for her number.

This is the important moment.

The girl has four options:

A) Give the number
B) Not give the number
C) Give fake number
D) Throw drink in face of requesting party

(Girl reading currently recoils in horror at the idea of option B)

Option B is great! Well, rejection is generally not fun.. but option B is definitely the best method for it. Just give it to us straight, we will respect you more. Here is how my most recent story unfolded. The offending party is Ashley, and if I knew her last name I would openly share it with all readers of, as it is a good place for us young guys to share our struggles and triumphs. Alas, I do not know her last name. For our story we will call her POSAS (Purveyor Of Suck And Stupidity).

Friday, November 11th, 1:00 am
-andTim receives the POSAS's phone number

Saturday, November 12th, 2:00 pm- 5:00 pm
-andTim's flag football team dominates at FCC Men's Retreat
(relevant to the story as a further display of having very high quality athletic genes- something
considered generally good amongst the female population looking to procreate. )

Sunday, November 13th, 1:30 pm
-andTim puts in casual phone call to the POSAS to see if she would like to go to dinner. This is a good gap after initial meeting, as we are now at the 60 hr. post initial meeting mark. The POSAS remembers meeting andTim at Tumbleweed Texas, and says that she would like to go, how about 8:00 or 8:30? andTim wishes it could be more like 7:00, as he will be ravenously hungry by 7:30, but allows for the time difference and says, "That would be good". The POSAS informs andTim that she will call him around 4:30 to make sure she will be home from scheduled event in enough time to go to dinner. They discuss restaurants and decide on Italian food. End of conversation.

Sunday, November 13th, 6:45 pm
-andTim begins to feel the pains of rejection. He calls the POSAS, who does not pick up, and he leaves the message,

"Hey the POSAS, I am going to head out of here in the next 30 minutes or so, and just wanted to tell you where Macaroni Grill is near Willowbrook. Give me a call when you get the chance."

The POSAS responds with the following, approximately 2 minutes after receiving message:

"Sorry... not going to be able to make it."

This is verbatim. How can I be sure? IT WAS A TEXT MESSAGE. Giving the POSAS the benefit of the doubt, I text back... "Another time?" Of course, the POSAS does not respond, so andTim feels it necessary to send the following text messages:

"If you aren't willing to go to dinner with someone, don't bother to give them your number. It's difficult to respect someone who acts 13 instead of 27. The outright rejection is much more considerate."

Follows with:

"Good luck in Colorado if your travels take you there."

andTim note: I thought it was especially cutting to show her that I had paid specific attention to her age and the fact that she shared that due to company downsizing, she might have to move to the company's headquarters in Colorado to keep her job.

The POSAS and her ilk are personally responsible for a good deal of the evil in this world. You are the spawn of Satan, and you will die out due to your inability to act as a rational human being. Feel free to e-mail me all you women who side with the POSAS, but keep in mind... this sort of action only assigns you the title of POSAS.... Purveyor Of Suck And Stupidity.


At 11/16/2005 12:09:00 PM, Blogger Pope said...

andTim -
Clearly this POSAS has the mental sensibilities of an 11 year old. Not only did she give you her number, arrange a date and then back out, but she also clearly has no ability to recognize your excellent sense of style (that is obviously evidenced in your boot choice a few entries back). Your response was perfection.

...and yes, our team was the definition of domination on Saturday!


Post a Comment

<< Home