Friday, November 04, 2005

man vs. woman - episode 1

Episode 1 : compare/contrast the time it takes for each to get ready in the morning

say you have straight two-laned drag strip of arbitrary length. one side is the female side, one side is the man side. female side contestant: toddler. male side contestant: just a Regular Ol' Dude (we will call him "Rod" for short).

on the female side of said drag strip, all female pit crew (with controversially underzipped coveralls, not a bad visual) buckles in toddler on a tricycle with a helmet (one of those old school motorcycle sidecar helmets, nothin aerodynamic). pit crew then lines up said toddler on the starting line, with all necessary winnie the pooh fire retardant protective gear, cute Blue's Clues socks, cute shoes, assorted cute jewelry, etc. everything matches. these items must all be put on as toddler rides tricycle down the track. the toddler is not allowed to put on helmet until last possible second as to not mess up hairsprayed/teased hair, which is most likely near the very end of the race. toddler lines up to starting line, and starting pistol is fired. toddler begins race.

on the man side...
Rod is asleep in futon next to drag strip. Rod sleeps for another hour, hitting snooze button every 7 minutes along the way. for the last three snoozes, Rod is quasi-awake scratching genetalia. Rod climbs out of futon, takes three steps and takes a whiz in the grass. Rod looks at clock. Rod freaks out due to oversleepage and realization of guaranteed late for work situation, and enlists into full-hustle-prevent-so-late-could-be-fired-today mode. Rod then climbs into jet fuel powered funny car, starts engine, and mashes gas pedal.

at this point, toddler has been riding bicycle for about an hour, all over the drag strip with no regard to lane designations. toddler leaves assorted clothes/toys/food all over the track as hazards for Rod to dodge. we are unsure whether this is strategery on the toddler's part or if it is complete disregard for actions and/or so-busy-no-time-to-pick-up-after-myself mode. either way, Rod must clear track of said items as he races down track at warp speed. Rod sometimes dodges obstacles just out of survival. Rod finishes race in 12 and a half minutes, toddler finishes race approximately 5 min after Rod. Rod is the victor. toddler looks on in amazement of Rod's ability to sleep during most of the race, then still finish before toddler.

man: 1
woman: 0


Post a Comment

<< Home