Wednesday, November 02, 2005

greatest hits? & retire now please

i was looking for the theme song to the Sopranos on iTunes this morning (it is called "Woke up this Morning" by A3) and took a perusal around the front page of the music store. to which i found Greatest Hits albums for the following bands...

blink 182

i thought greatest hits albums were reserved for bands that had stood the test of time and had an entire repertoire of music over their career to draw from, and that were great and successful hits in the public arena. not so. NOT SO, amigo. the title "greatest hits" is now synonymous with "i have released one or more albums in the past and need some money, so buy this album". it is also synonymous with "i self-promote my music career thru one hit wonders and/or my terrible acting on the disney channel, and the only two people who think i should release a Greatest Hits album are my agent and my own mother, so buy this piece of trash album so i can continue spending $30k on ugly handbags and $90k on a car i drive to and from my hairdresser."

let me share a list of musicians and "imposter musicians" who have released "greatest hits" albums (i had to do some research, some one evidently beat me to this rant) :

the offspring (huh? you have 3 good songs, maximum)
the backstreet boys (no comment needed)
sheryl crow (as far as i can tell, you only have 4 albums. someone made a sheryl crow tribute album, which may be grosser than your greatest hits album.)
mandy moore (go away)
bette midler (you have enough music for a greatest hits album, however, you have TWO greatest hits albums. one released in '93, the other in 2000. the 2000 greatest hits album has all 14 songs from the '93 album, in the same order, and you added 4 songs to that. gross.)
hilary duff (you dont even have A top 10 single. you also only have 29 songs. how does one justify a greatest hits album of 12 songs, when you only have 2 albums to draw from? by the way, your music sucks)
britney spears (vomit)
sugar ray (i veto your request for greatest hits album)
martika (you may not even know who this is. she had that song "toy soldiers" circa 1985 and that was it. released so-called "greatest hits" album after eminem sampled toy soldiers in one of his songs)

thats just sorry. please recall all taxation without represenation style greatest hits albums. you do not warrant such notoriety.

bands that should retire immediately, if not sooner:
the rolling stones
bon jovi
michael jackson
barry manilow
elvis costello
paul mccartney
bb king
green day
neil young


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