Thursday, October 06, 2005

my nemesis = lawn sprinkler

looks harmless doesnt it? hardly. the evil machine pictured on the right is my actual nemesis. it is terribleness parceled in a manufactured product. just add water and you have one of the more hazardous items you can find in your garage. a few things to note about this villain...

1. rather harmless until provoked by administering a "hose enema".
2. often flops around like a fish out of water when turned on. when this occurs, the only way out is to either run away or chop off hose enema using a machete at some point between flopping nemesis and faucet.
3. has a "control knob" close to its base that is more enticing than a tennis ball to a labrador. one thinks that this machine can be controlled using this control knob, but more often than not, the control knob causes the "angry metal sprayer bar of horror" to shoot water directly into the users eyeball. this will most likely cause the human to be sprayed with intensity and end up looking like a wet rat after associated battle with nemesis.
4. if the "control knob" and "unpredictable plastic bar of havoc" disengage from one another, you have caught the nemesis in its one and only one state of vulnerability. however, it is always advised to remove hose enema before attempting to reconnect "control knob" to "unpredicatble bar of havoc".
5. NEVER, EVER, EVER attempt to remove hose enema before executing a "faucet shutoff". this will result in a "soak all humans within 6 feet" attack.
6. dont ever mistake executing a "faucet shutoff" for complete and total sleep mode for the nemesis. this is never the case. a "faucet shutoff" should be followed up with very careful and planned subsequent measures of careful hose enema removal, and ultimately, nemesis removal.

please take this product of destruction seriously. you have been warned of its capabilities.


At 10/06/2005 09:23:00 AM, Blogger Jessica Klarkson said...

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