Tuesday, October 17, 2006

generic miscues

on occasion, we here at the mikeandtim laboratories feel the need to run tests, experiments, and tests on certain goods. many things are tested here at the labs. by many, i mean a lot. we procure items from stores, and we test them. it is that simple.

this particular write up protects the penny-pincher from him or herself. at the super secret mikeandtim product testing labs, we have recently selected a few name-brand products and thrown them in the octagon of battle against an "equivalent" generic item. now i come from the world of construction and submittal processes for a specified item "or equivalent", and more than once in the course of history the "equivalent" item substituted for the real mccoy is not quite of equal value. the following are a few items of which have been declared unsuitable to purchase the equivalent generic item in place of name-brand.

1. Kleenex - the Kleenex (of Puffs) tissue is of a much higher quality than the generic brand tissue. if you buy the generic brand made by your local grocer, you will be sorry. it is cold/flu season and i subjected myself to the Kleenex imposter only to rip hole after hole in tissue paper while blowing my nose and i am telling you, there is not much worse than having a sore nose and snot on your paws when you already feel like dogcrap. do not buy generic tissues.

2. Q-tips - do NOT under any circumstance spend money on generic brand "cotton swabs". these are not even close to the Q-tip. the Q-tip has at least 50% more cotton on the end of the swab and you are in danger of damaging your earhole if you use a cheapo swab. i could not be more serious about this. protect yourselves and your loved ones from imposter Q-tips.

3. Toothpaste - yes, i realize that we are on a trend of toiletry items here, but these are the most commonly purchased generics on the market. do not buy cheap toothpaste. it tastes like mint flavored socks. you heard me.

4. flip flops - if you buy a $3 flip flop at a gas station or some such, prepare to buy yourself another pair of flip flops within 72 hours.

5. multi-vitamins - stay away. i dont care if it says they have the same vitamins and ingredients as Centrum or another name brand. we have a bottle of generic vitamins and i think my wife and i have both eaten 1 each, and that was at the same time. within 5 minutes we both thought we were going to vomit due to stomach discomfort.

write those 5 items down. many items you can buy super cheap generics in lieu of, but the five items mentioned above have been proven to be bad generic purchases. there are more, but 5 is enough for today, and our scientists are tired.


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