mikeandtim

At Long Last!

2007-02-21T13:23:00.000-08:00

MikeandTim.com has arrived! Rejoice readers! Click here for the link:

ilovemikeandtimandllamas

Thank you for readership and/or potential patronage.

Sincerely,

mikeandtim

the genius of Gary Larson

2007-02-08T14:41:00.000-08:00

i dont really know the typical age of a mikeandtim reader, but i would be willing to bet it is somewhere in the 30 year old range on average. this means that most of you folks have a pretty good idea of who Gary Larson is and his accomplishments. if you do not, perhaps you should be learned. dont say mike and/or andTim have never learned you anything. follow that?

please see picture at right. it gives you an idea of a typical "The Far Side" comic. we have a farmer, some animals, and the thought of what life would be like if animals were more like humans than we think. the fact that he would think to have a farmer give a sheep an "airplane" ride cracks me up. check out the stoic face of both the cow and horse, just hoping to be chosen next for the ride. without analyzing this comic too much, i just think this fella is hilarious.

something you may not know about Gary Larson is that he has a very strong passion for environmental concerns. (insert sigh by andTim here). the calendar that i have on my desk has multiple adverts for Conservation International and Mr. Larson himself had a short letter on a page stating his position on supporting environmental conservation and being an activist. he mentions that it is rather fitting considering the financial success he has had by poking fun at animals and the environment, so he feels the need to give back. pretty interesting thought. anyway, i think that if i could choose my ideal way to make a living it would be to come up with silly little comics like these...only mine would be less funny, less artistic, and less funny.

Super Blah

2007-02-02T06:21:00.000-08:00

The Super Bowl bores me. I am neither a Colts or Bears fan. In fact- my team has never played in the Super Bowl. (This has recently changed from the Texans to the Saints for a variety of reasons- passing on Reggie Bush in the draft, Saints' focus on offensive football, moving to LA, etc) The commercials continue to get dumber and dumber, guys waiting to see stereotypes of guys acting like idiots, and then laughing. ("Hidden beers in the office walls!"- terrible)

The funny thing is, we get all excited for the game every year and every year I just feel like, "Eh, whatever... where are the chips and salsa?". 95% of women and probably 75% of men really don't care about the outcome of the game or even WATCH more than half of the actual plays. I mean- what kind of sporting event is it if people WAIT FOR TIMEOUTS so they can run to the TV and watch the commercials? (Which are eternally predictable... commercials with talking animals, commercials with men acting like animals, token Office Space theme rip-off, token "epic product launch" from Apple, Microsoft, Dell, Nike, Coke, etc, annoying promotionals for new Network shows that will suck.)

There are the token arguments.. "It's not just the game... it's become a cultural touchstone", "It's a great excuse to get together with friends and eat fatty food", "It's an American icon" - I don't buy it. A few years ago I hung out with the girl I was dating at the time, cooked dinner, and watched a movie during the Super Bowl. It was great. Meaningful time spent in conversation, eating healthy food, not making small talk and playing armchair quarterback. ("I can't believe they ran a draw on 3rd and 6!!!", etc from some moron like me who didn't even play football.)

The question at hand is... "Will I watch anyway?" and yes... I will. I feel like it is one of those additional homework assignments that you do in high school to make up for a poorly completed or missed assignment. ("Go home watch 60 Minutes and describe Andy Rooney's tone and diction. Does his nose hair detract from his delivery? Discuss...") If you don't do it, the teacher will know, even if you try and fake it. Everyone I do business with will know that I haven't watched the Super Bowl... even if I try and fake it. So I am doing this for the sake of increasing sales in our region, which is my job.

My prediction for those who care? Colts 28, Bears 10.

save a llama, save the world

2007-02-01T13:48:00.000-08:00

the llama. it is a wonder, is it not? the answer = yes. allow me to direct you to an article in which llamas have been sited to single-talon-edly save the mother earth.

the first line of the article is: "If terrorists ever unleashed a biological weapon, unusual molecules normally found in the blood of llamas could quickly help warn of the attack, scientists now report."

if that doesnt instantly get you interested in the rest of the story, then you are officially a llama-hater. yeah, thats right. you. you are a llama hater/hayta if you dont click the following link...

I love the llama (click here)

the article above clearly spells out how scientists have proven the superiority and incredibleness of the llama. now you understand why we are so big on the llama.

The Saga of The Llama

2007-01-26T07:34:00.000-08:00

Many of you may have realized that Mike of mikeandtimblog.blogspot.com has a bit of an obsession with the Llama. While I think this is somewhat Spanish-inspired (Como se llama- not "How do you call yourself?" but "How is your llama?") it also just has to do with his general appreciation for the appearance of the animal. He has even blogged about the Alpaca before- a relative of the llama. Well... here is your opportunity to enjoy a Llama Friday. The following is a video of two llamas doing battle. If these are your llamas they are quite angry. Notice how they only fight with head/neck/body, no use of legs. Very funny.

FIGHT LIKE A LLAMA!

Also... there is a llama merchandise site from which you can procure fun things such as throw pillows, buttons, and thongs... and I don't mean the sandal. I shall provide the link as well. Mike wears a size Large shirt. (In case you get an error message, just click on the llama logo in the left pane) Enjoy a Llama Friday!

Are You Kidding Me? - Jan. 2007

2007-01-25T05:46:00.000-08:00

This was a headline on Yahoo.com this morning:

U.K. Schools Urged To Tell Parents If Children Are Obese

WHAT?!!!

Ummmm.... if your kid is 10 years old, 4'6" and pushing 140 lbs- SHOULDN'T THIS BE OBVIOUS? CUT HIM OFF! No more buffet for the fatty!

Here are the points that I am making... I apologize to those human beings remaining that have intelligence, as this will insult you:

1) Parents should be spending enough time with their kids to be able to keep an eye on whether they are turning into Augustus Gloop. (Kid who falls into the chocolate river in Willy Wonka)

2) Parents should not be sitting around with 4'6" Nigel (this is Britain) thinking (read with British accent), "Well, it seems Nigel is a bit heftier than this time last year. Come to think of it, he doesn't even have to "mind the gap" anymore because he can roll right over the bloody gap!" In other words, shouldn't you take steps to make sure your kid doesn't turn into a parade balloon? ("Mind the Gap" is a reference to the spoken voice on the London Subway which reminds you at every stop not to fall in between the train and the platform.)

3) Are people really so non-observant that the School has to tell them that Nigel is obese? I may not be a health and fitness guru, but everyone knows a fat kid when they see one.

Well... I am done with my rant this morning. Bottom line, look at your kid, you know.... once a month or so, if they are "becoming a bit portly" PUT THEM ON A FREAKING DIET. MAKE THEM GO OUTSIDE AND PLAY "FOOTBALL". Thus I have officially declared another Yahoo headline as superfluous and unnecessary... kind of the news equivalent of Nigel's 38th Twinkie after school.

wheels off event

2007-01-24T20:39:00.000-08:00

without reading ahead, answer this question...

what do the following have in common? Willie Nelson & Family, Jessica Simpson, Fort Worth Symphony, and the Dallas Black Dance Theater

give up? the only thing i could come up with is that they are listed in increasingly talented order. just kidding crazy redneck willie fan. just kidding weird 39 year old dude who still buys jessica simpson cd's to see the pictures in her booklet. the peeps listed above are playing in the "AetheriA Benefit Concert Event". yes, you heard correctly, they are all involved in the same "concert". what? are you serious Mr. and Mrs. Metroplex? this event will actually take place at Nokia Theatre in Grand Prairie, TX? vomit. let's get Donald Trump and Paris Hilton to M.C. the event and we will have the ultimate suckfestival.

The Struggling Record Industry (Help me Paula, help, help me Paula)

2007-01-24T13:04:00.000-08:00

HA! The highest selling CD last week? The band Daughtry (Chris Daughtry of American Idiots... I mean American Idol) sold 65,000 copies. For those who do not follow the record industry like mikeandtim, that is pathetic. By contrast the all-time record is 2,400,000 copies by N' Sync. I can't believe I just typed the name of that group. I must now break a finger.

(Bearing the pain... I continue) The reasons that I love this:

1) For years and years and years and years CD retailers have been doing their best to rip us off. $17 for a disc? Maybe in 1987. CD's should have been $5 by 2000. What could have been a prescient transisition for the major record store chains (given they had listened to any employees with any sort of awareness or foresight) into downloadable music stores became a battering of closures and job cuts. Anybody notice how Apple has now had 2 Billion iTunes downloads?! Somewhere a Sam Goody executive has a house built out of unsold Limp Bizkit albums.

2) Vindication. This proves andTim's theory that the quality of popular music continues to get worse and worse. Maybe we have finally reached the saturation point of modern "hip-hop". (Which, coupled with Country Music is keeping the industry afloat.) Other than Justin Timberlake and Gnarls Barkley, are there any artists out there who are being creative and selling albums? Beyonce keeps regurgitating the same tired thing. The Killers became too self-absorbed. Fergie? Go Away. You are a less classy Paula Abdul. (I now need to break another finger for that sentence... maybe I'll just go Ronnie Lott and tear it right off.... hmm) Who else is selling albums? Josh Groban? Involuntary vomit after typing his name. Waits a second.. vomits again realizing he wasted a $10 lunch because he typed the "name".

Turning Corners

2007-01-22T07:09:00.000-08:00

Ah... Monday morning. It is 53 here in Baton Rouge and rainy/overcast, which has pretty much been the state of the weather for the last 2 weeks. I can't stand this weather. I like the really cold with snow, or 70 F plus. I am not a big believer in the idea of most "New Age" disorders... ADD, ADHD, blah blah.... but I am a believer in Seasonal Affective Disorder- or the idea that certain times of year lead to more depression than others. I mean... after all... who wants to stay inside ALL the time and not see the Sun? Anyway...

Every now and then I get into a series of patterns in life that I want to change. "Turning a Corner" I guess I would call it. It's like I refuse to grow-up... I postpone it as long as possible until God insists and then it very difficult for a time. It is a lot like procrastinating on papers or projects in school. It always happens at arbitrary times... you see, I never feel compelled to make New Year's Resolutions... but by the 3rd week of January or the 2nd week of March, or the middle of August it usually hits me- I need to workout more... I need to read the Bible more... I need to eat better... I need to put more money away, etc. Well, this is one of those times. If anyone feels the need to join me on my mid-January resolutions, feel free. Don't let that Seasonal Affective Disorder get you down.

News, etc. - January

2007-01-18T09:02:00.000-08:00

A blog of random topics is still a blog, right? So I haven't blogged much lately, but hopefully I will address this wrong and right it. A few things of note:

1- Miss USA went to rehab

If this is not the ultimate irony and a good commentary about the state of the US at the same time. Tremendous. The one person- the one woman- that is supposed to embody the beauty and sophistication of our country- MISS USA (don't care if there is a Miss America), is being REHABILITATED. And Donald Trump was the decision maker. There's so much humor there, where do I start?

2- The Weather is weird

Hopefully we are entering an Ice Age. If nothing else just to throw off everyone who believes in Global Warming. In the meantime, kids across the South are rejoicing in missing school over icy roads. So great. I do miss the Sun though.

3- Rice Cookers are great

I got the greatest rice cooker ever for Christmas and use it pretty much daily. If you have never invested in a quality pressure cooker for rice, do so now.

4- The Saints are my team

I have officially decided several months ago that I am definitely a Saints fan now instead of a Texans fan. Here's why:

-I live in Baton Rouge, and they don't show Texans games
-Post-Katrina, new America's team... blah blah... feel good
-DRAFTED REGGIE BUSH
-Best offense in the NFL... andTim loves offensive football

5- Pete Yorn- Nightcrawler

-Great CD. Upbeat, downbeat, creative. Go buy it. Had to get a musical shout-out in. Have a good Thursday.

2007

2007-01-05T05:53:00.000-08:00

a new year, and a new start. perhaps you readers will forgive our poor finish to the year 2006 from a blog perspective. we have been making progress in other areas to include but not limited to: seeing friends, seeing family, reading books, and jotting down notes on new material and inventions.

the new year allows for a reflection and analysis of what has taken place the previous year. rate yourself on the following with letter grades A thru F.

Family contact/relationships
Friend contact/relationships
Reading/Writing/Arithmetic
Current Event awareness
Spiritual growth
Spending/Giving
Amount of time wasted on watching the tele

alright, back to work for me. enjoy your day.

mike = slacker

2006-12-18T19:58:00.000-08:00

yes i do. i am a slacker. i realize this. however, after all this time with no post, does this new post not seem that so much sweeter? i am watching the Colts vs Bengals game right now. it is monday night and football is really the only thing on the tele, unless of course the Mavs are on, and they are. delightful! super! and they are up by 15. its the Mavs year, get on board.

has anyone else noticed that people get freakydeaky this time of year when they are in their cars and out shopping? i dont do a whole lot of shopping, but what i have done has been littered with very impatient and aggressive natured peeps. there should be a new term separate from road rage that refers to parking lots. parking lot rage perhaps? that doesnt have the same ring to it but darddoggit it has just as much legitimacy.

something i dont like about the Christmas season is that you have a list of people you must procure gifts for, whether you have something in mind for them or not. many people i buy for are pretty easy to get gifts that they would like. there are a few that i have no idea what the heck to get them. and i mean, no idea. i have found myself walking around different stores trying to find something that they might like. what is the point of this? can i not just get a card, write some rather pleasant message in there and give them a hug? why the gift? i have probably wasted 3 hours of my life walking around trying to find a gift that is not completely worthless to some people. that is my goal. find something that they wont make pouty face when they open it and hope it is something they dont already have. do i sound like the Scrooge? i just dont see the point of buying gifts just to buy gifts. remember this is not how i approach all gift giving, just a select few that i have trouble finding gifts. anyway.

maybe my problem is that i dont have a default. i need a gift that i default to when i have no clue what to buy them. some people default to the dvd. i cant do this. the dvd is worthless to me. i like the occasional dvd i guess, but my dvd player typically fails half an hour before the end of a given movie and i can go rent movies for less than you can buy them. i think every person i dont know what i should buy them, i should default to the Shrek Chia pet. it is the most useless item i can think of, but for some reason it has an undefinable charisma. imagine you just opened a gift from an aunt that typically buys you something completely worthless, but this year you get the Shrek Chia. Ehh?? Not too shabby i say.

What Makes Me?

2006-12-04T00:15:00.000-08:00

WARNING: This post may make Liberals, Non-Christians, and many other people uncomfortable. In other words... just don't read it if you don't think the Holy Spirit is real.

I, andTim, am a good giver of advice. I am just wise, what can I say? The problem I have is that I rarely use my wisdom in my own life. I guess I just have a masochistic streak when it comes to personal decision-making. (I am getting better though) This to say...

If I am created in God's image, my goal is to be as much like Christ as possible, and I can do nothing good without God... where am I? When I talk about the good advice/wisdom stuff, I say that in the sense that I am just an empty vessel that God speaks through via the Holy Spirit. I dunno. I have just felt that alot lately. And considering one of my biggest struggles is arrogance, giving God the credit for anything positive about myself is a great way to maintain humility.

It's also just true. God is good. I am not. I am a sinner. The only thing "good" about me is the presence of God via the Holy Spirit in my life. But wait a minute... God created me and it says in Genesis that all he created he saw as good. But this statement was prior to the fall of Man!

It's just a confusing thing... do I exist apart from God? How are Non-Christians capable of good acts if they don't have the Holy Spirit? I definitely have a distinct character and unique personality traits, but what comprises those things so that they have any potency next to the effect of the Holy Spirit (or Satan) in my life? Anyway.....

Just thoughts. Feel free to express an opinion. Have a happy week.

The Thrill Of Victory and The Agony Of.....

2006-11-29T06:34:00.000-08:00

wait a minute, there is NO AGONY!!

Just in case anyone did not know already, mikeandtim's Fightin' Texas Aggies defeated our archrival ultimate nemesis the texas longhorns, 12-7 last Friday.

It may not have been the prettiest win, but it was a win nonetheless.

Stephen McGee= greatness.
Jorvorskie Lane= the man
Mike Goodson= faster than wind
Martellus Bennett= hands like bear trap (that's a good thing)

The best part?

3 of them are sophomores and 1 is a FRESHMAN!

If our defense continues to play like this through the bowl game and into next year, and Stephen McGee develops a passing game... oh man. Too great to think about.

The only potential downside? Fran is staying. Gross. At least he recruited some decent talent.

But for now we will revel in the beauty of this victory, and the sustaining of a bitter rivalry.

National Champs 2008? Anybody, anybody?

the art of the penguin

2006-11-21T09:34:00.000-08:00

we here at mikeandtimblog.blogspot.com (soon to be www.mikeandtim.com) are very much interested in the science and psychology of the penguin. not necessarily the penguin as you know it, but the penguin as we have defined. i think there is a post somewhere back in the archives that outlines personality traits and the behavior of human penguins. regardless, here is a sketch i did of a penguin recently...i have been doing quite a few sketches, maybe one per day. most of these are of animals. i am pretty sure that these were influenced by my appreciation for the Far Side comic, although i do not pretend to be even in the same time zone as the genius of Gary Larson. that dude was genius. anyway, perhaps i will start some penguin cartoons though based on work experiences. not a bad idea. if nothing else, i will do it to keep myself amused, which was the whole point of starting a blog to begin with.

why i like the moby

2006-11-20T19:24:00.000-08:00

because he does simple little drawings like the one above. i can relate to this. anyone who knows me and my penchant for stick figure art should understand that even if moby's music was terrible i would probably still like him for his little artwork alone. this is good stuff. his pictures capture emotions in their simplicity. the disco teeny man pictured above is on his own little planet with surrounding planets of speakers and mirrorball. good stuff, i applaud you mr. moby. and as a teaser for our readers, i will post some original stick figure art tomorrow from a few recent sketches. get excited.

The Hip-Hopalypse

2006-11-20T17:18:00.000-08:00

In case anyone doesn't know- I hate the term "hip-hop". Very few "artists" even come near the label, the best example of the genre being Lauryn Hill's "The Miseducation of Lauryn Hill". But it works well as a terrible pun on "apocalypse". Anyway...

Both Diddy and Jay-Z have managed to use the SAME SAMPLE in songs on their most recent albums. (LINK HERE) This may seem cute to some...

"Ahhhh... Diddy and Jay-Z used the same sample... ahhhhh" - read again using cute baby voice

This may be the ultimate example of why modern rap sucks. (I refuse to use "hip-hop" anymore) At least at one point rappers were talking about their Hoods (neighborhoods), their dreams, the girls they wanted to be with, etc. When you look at alot of these artists- Boogie Down Productions, The Sugarhill Gang, Run DMC, etc- they used ORIGINAL music.

This is astounding by modern rap album standards. Out of the billions of recorded sounds and out of the literally infinite possibilities that exist in music, two HUGE "artists" end up using the same sample? This is absolutely awful.

Take some of your money and invest it in music lessons. Maybe even take some kids off the streets making their own beats and use them. Sell your music as art don't sell it as a part of your personal product line. This makes me so mad I want to buy both albums and defecate on them. I may do that. These kinds of coincidences show how ridiculous two (2) things are:

1- The Terrible State of Rap Music in Modern America

2- The Terrible State of Consumers of Rap Music (who will buy anything that is put out by a platinum "artist")

My note to America: Demand more than this crap from lazy multi-millionaires.

November Playlist

2006-11-17T09:49:00.000-08:00

We haven't posted much about music lately, so we figured we would give you the mikeandtimblog.blogspot.com picks for good November music. See if you can determine who chose which song:

"Fa Fa" - Guster
"Stickshifts and Safetybelts" - Cake
"Heartland" - U2
"A Rush Of Blood To The Head" - Coldplay
"This Years Love" - David Gray
"Honey Bee" - Tom Petty
"Hey Hey My My" - Neil Young
"The Bends" - Radiohead
"Dreaming With Tears In My Eyes" - Bono
"He Lays In The Reins" - Calexico w/ Iron & Wine
"One Of These Mornings" - Moby
"Xmas Curtain" - My Morning Jacket

and of course....

"November Rain" - Guns N' Roses

Listening to this selection of songs is sure to put you in a quality "November Mood". Enjoy!

Sea Lion & Swimming San Franciscans

2006-11-16T08:16:00.000-08:00

I don't know if we have ever just had a blog where it was a direct link to a news article, but this one made my day. Yes, it's kind of lazy- but I am sure many of you tire of my diatribes anyway.

How dumb are people?

Seriously. Very funny to me. Just read the headline about 4 or 5 times to yourself. Just great.

Bob Knight and Iraq

2006-11-14T12:34:00.000-08:00

Bob Knight "slapped" a player in the face to get his attention during a game this past weekend.

This normally would be something I would just let slide, but I think all the hub-bub* shows the incident to be reflective of America in general.

I just want to make a few points:

1- Bob Knight is a very successful basketball coach- one of the greatest college coaches of all-time.

2- Bob Knight has a history of being very intense, borderline crazy, and extremely vocal.

3- Even the casual sports fan knows the these things well- it is no surprise when you hear something newly controversial about Bob Knight, but most people write it off as "Knight being Knight".

4- EVERY player recruited by Knight is absolutely familiar with his greatest hits: Throwing chairs, choking players, being ejected.... on and on.

5- This is perhaps the most important- He is consistent. He acts the same with every player in every situation. He is universally crazy and critical.

Bob Knight is like many successful people in sports: He thrives on competition. Without competition, he would be bored to death. He loves proper execution of play, he loves victory, he loves success- and he will act in the way that he is accustomed to being best in achieving these results.

So if you mess up... if you lose your focus on the court and make a mistake and Bobby Knight gives you a quick little smack on the cheek- you expect it. You know what you signed up for- playing basketball under Bob Knight- whether at Indiana in the past or Texas Tech presently.

This is America's problem with the war in Iraq presently. We know what we signed up for, but we (Democrats) are looking for a way out. We want success, but we don't want to face the consequences along the way. And when we face difficulty or when we are reprimanded, we accuse the reprimander rather than fault ourselves for failure. We must realize that we signed up for World Superpower, and not go running or crying anytime someone gives us a slap in the face. This is how Bob Knight is related to war strategy in Iraq.

Weekend Update

2006-11-14T11:34:00.000-08:00

Yes, I know it's Tuesday.

A fun-filled weekend was had by all, here is a list of events:

-Gathering of Dexter Alumni and Friends at the Dixie Chicken. My brother was skilled (lucky) enough to best me in dominoes 7-6, 7-6.

-Our gathering soon turned to Fitzwilly's, where the Cowboy's Choice was the favorite meal. Camille Greene was sadly not present, but she is on the "difficult" list of mikeandtimblog.blogspot.com as of this writing.

-An epic North/South battle was had at Duddley's. I'm not sure which side was victorious- but the battle was epic nonetheless.

-THE BROTHERHOOD OF THE BEAST CONVENED! THIS IS A SEMI-DECADEL, QUARTER-SCORE AFFAIR. A REVISED BEAST LIST WILL BE POSTED SOON.

-The Aggies ran out of time against Nebraska in an entertaining affair.

-A quality dinner at Koppe Bridge was had. The best part? The introduction of Miss Chelsea "Burbach"- her coronation will follow in time.

-An evening of tomfoolery on Northgate. The shark dance is alive and well at Midnight Rodeo. (Shadow Canyon)

-After a collective 14 hours of sleep over 4 days, andTim began falling asleep shy of Lafayette on his return trip home. He pulled over for a "nap" at 9 pm, and woke up at 8 am the next morning.

-If there are any questions or need for clarification you may always e-mail us at mikeandtim@gmail.com. Thank you.

Official 2006 Christmas Lists

2006-11-08T07:08:00.000-08:00

For some reason I thought it might be interesting/funny to see what Mike and I want for Christmas this year. If you feel compelled to buy us gifts for any reason, please do not choose from this list. These are actual practical gifts that family may buy us. Instead I will offer three (3) optional mikeandtimblog.blogspot.com gifts that can be given to either of us or both. These lists were composed entirely independent of one another.

Mike

-Texas Rangers cap

-Damien Rice "9" cd

-Garage Floor coating (Rustoleum epoxy shield)

-1 set of elixir medium/light guitar strings

-Circular saw

-Bottle of Pinot Noir

-black dress shoes from Johnston & Murphy

-weight bench with bar and weights

-small checkbook-sized bible

-fishing rod and reel

-shelves for garage

-book on the Great Depression

andTim

-Makita 4340FCT Jig Saw
-One (1) pair of gray Kenneth Cole Slacks
-MSR Whisperlite Internationale Backpacking Stove
-Synthetic Running Socks
-Doc Martens Black 10-eyelet "Smooth" boots
-Lord of the Rings Trilogy (Extended Version)
-CO2 powered portable bike pump
-Tall Bookshelf from Ikea

And 3 more.....

Option 1- MikeandTim "Rockstar" Package
-Includes Paul Reed Smith Guitar and Marshall Amplification
musiciansfriend.com

Option 2- MikeandTim "Air Transportation" Package
-Includes Gulfstream G550 Jet and Free Fuel for 1 year
gulfstream.com

Option 3- MikeandTim "Ground Transportation" Package
-Includes two (2) Ferrari 599GTB's
(Please note- when purchasing automobiles, the appropriate colors are red for andtim and black for mike. Thank you for your cooperation.)
ferrariusa.com

Fire Fran!

2006-11-06T05:38:00.000-08:00

Mikeandtim have many things in common, as well as many different opinions. This however is unanimous (as much as unanimity can exist amongst two (2) people)- The Texas A&M Aggies need to fire Coach Dennis Franchione.

The Aggies lost 17-16 to the Oklahoma Sooners this past weekend in a game where the following took place: The Aggies were down 17-10 with less than 8 minutes left in the fourth (4th) quarter. Seven (7) points. Touchdown + Extra point. We have the ball on the Oklahoma 2-yd. line and we have the best short yardage-touchdown scoring fullback in ALL OF COLLEGE FOOTBALL. 3rd and Goal.

We throw a pass. A PASS. I would bet my genitalia that Jorvorskie Lane scores on either 3rd or 4th down from the 2-yard line. This would have tied the game. Worst case scenario? He gets stopped twice, and Oklahoma gets the ball virtually on THEIR goal line. Our defense was playing great during the second half, as Oklahoma was forced to throw the ball- which they suck at. This would have practically insured another, and better, shot at the end zone- which would have been okay.

Well- as if that wasn't bad enough, we get the ball to the Oklahoma 22-yd line with about 3:30 left in the game and are faced with about 4th and 4 yards. We are LOSING 17-13. A FIELD GOAL is only worth THREE (3) POINTS. I may be an Aggie, but I know enough math to realize that YET ANOTHER FIELD GOAL WILL STILL HAVE US BEHIND BY ONE (1) POINT! What does Fran do? KICKS ANOTHER FIELD GOAL. This is painful to me. I hate playing for the field goal. Make them beat us. Giving a top-25 team the football with roughly 3 minutes left and the lead is stupid. Go for the victory! Every single Aggie fan would have preferred that Franchione went for it on 3rd and 2 or 4th and 2 with J-Lane earlier, and every Aggie fan wanted Franchione to go for it on 4th and 4 from the 22. HAVE SOME MALE GENITALIA FRAN!

All in all, I was not disheartened by the loss- OU is a good football team that was ranked higher than we were. We played well. I was disheartened by the MANNER in which we lost. If you are going to lose- do so in a brilliant manner. Go out with a fight. A field goal is not a fight- I don't care what anyone says. Do so by GOING FOR IT. Go for it all. Go for the victory. Losing 17-10 or 20-10 or 24-10 is just the same as losing 17-16, because it is still a LOSS. Therefore- given his track record and this opportunity... Mikeandtimblog.blogspot.com's position is official: FIRE FRAN.

Black Jesus and Modern American Racism

2006-11-03T06:59:00.000-08:00

Hello readers. Just wanted to say hi. I'm actually in a good mood as I launch into this... again, bear with me.

One of the more interesting aspects of my recent move to Baton Rouge is exposure to new talk radio stations. Namely, WIBR 1300 AM. It is decidedly focused on catering to a Black audience, as there is a large population of Black people in Baton Rouge. I hate using the term "African-American" because I think it is pointless. Most Black Americans are at least 6-7 generations removed from their African ancestors. I probably have more right to call myself "French-American" or "British-American"... but who cares? Be who you are today, not what your ancestors were 150 years ago. It doesn't do anyone any good to wallow in the victim mindset that festers from Liberalism.

Well... one of the featured hosts is a nationally syndicated host named Michael Eric Dyson (MED or Dr. Dyson). I had seen him before on Bill Maher's show, so when I heard him on the radio I knew I had to pay attention. (My favorite part of both his and Al Sharpton's shows are the use of the terms "brother" and "sister" in addressing one another. Somehow "Brother andTim" just doesn't roll off the tongue right. Go figure.)

Dr. Dyson brought forth the topic of Black Jesus, in short- the idea that Jesus could've been a black man. This was brought up through discussion of a new movie coming out called Color of the Cross, in which Jesus is depicted as a black man. Let me say this up front- it's probably a good flick and I hope to see it. I am all for positive artistic creativity. If this movie brings even one (1) person closer to God then it has served an inestimable worth.

But the idea that Jesus could have been black is stupid. It is EQUALLY as stupid to say Jesus was a white man. Jesus was a Jew, and probably looked more like Saddam Hussein than George Bush or George Foreman. In fact there was a good article several years ago in Popular Mechanics about this. I know, I know- this picture is pretty funny, but it makes you think. Sure, God could have made Jesus of any race he wanted- but there is nothing in the Bible to say that Jesus stood out as different.

Dr. Dyson posed the following question to his listeners "Is America Ready For A Black Jesus?". Which is a fair and interesting question- if approached objectively. (This isn't exactly a new question- look into Madonna's video archive for some quality Black Jesus action.) My problem? MED pushed the argument absurdly and let it become a race issue. I hate this. I don't think MED is a racist, but he is obsessed with race- which is as superficial a topic as any that Paris Hilton has dared to debutantely diatribe about.

The vast majority of callers on his show are black and most of them gave predictable responses. "Yes, America can handle it....", "No America can't handle it...". UNTIL- one guy took the andTim, and dare I say- reasonable human being position that Jesus probably is misrepresented by anything short of a likeness to the PM picture of him. At this point Dr. Dyson couldn't take it. Who was this fellow black brother on HIS show asserting that the idea of a Black Jesus was misguided from the start? (At least historically- artistically, anything goes of course.) At this point Dr. Dyson did everything he could to say that Jesus was at the LEAST a man of COLOR! This flat pissed me off. WHAT AM I? Do I get nothing? I can't even be WHITE? What am I... CLEAR? I don't get to have pride in ANY color? I just could not believe that MED was lumping people together by SHADES of skin. He had drawn a line... and that line was White People vs. Everyone Else. (I wonder what he would say about Asian cultures, Filipinos, etc.) Maybe if I go to Planet Beach 3 times a month, I can be part of Dr. Dyson's elite group of Colored people. And here I am thinking that "colored" was an antiquated racist term... I guess we'll just group that in with the "N" word as stupid things that persist in American culture.

To conclude- The iconography of Christ can be traced back thousands of years. Most of the recent "White" images of Jesus came from the Renaissance, etc- where the majority of artists were Anglos. I am sure that you can even go into some Black churches in America (I hate classifying people that way- and don't get me started on Black Fraternities and Sororities...) and see a picture of a White Jesus. My overall point: WHO CARES! To Dr. Dyson it must seem simple and convenient for me to say that.. I'm white. But for him to assert that Jesus was closer to Black than White is stupid. Just dumb. I'm not saying HE is dumb, but the idea is DUMB. And for those that listen to his show and allow themselves to be influenced, it does just a little bit more to divide the races in America. Multiply this out day-by-day and it becomes a chasm. Dr. Dyson- I don't want a chasm. I love my Black brothers and sisters the same as anyone, and I would love it if we could stop this divide. You have been given a powerful position as a radio host- use it responsibly.

the halloween and the goat of no mercy

2006-11-01T20:24:00.000-08:00

i have decided that it is not possible for an adult to look cool in a halloween costume. i am not suggesting that looking cool should be the goal, but there is no chance of doing so while wearing a spiderman costume large enough for a 6' 3" grown man. it looks terrible. it is pretty funny if both father and son wear matching costumes though.

my wife and i went to a halloween festival of sorts in the parking lot of a local church and there were a few interesting findings. the worst live band i have ever heard was there. even my wife, who is of average music conscience since she does not play a musical instrument of any kind, said it seemed that none of the people on stage were playing the same song even. that is pretty bad.

sure we saw our share of lil goblins, superheroes, and princesses, but the element that caught most of my attention was the petting zoo. one of the most traumatic experiences of my life was within the minimum security confines of a petting zoo. aside from nearly drowning in a hot tub circa age 3, it is up there on difficult childhood memories to overcome. you may say "but mike, get over it, how could it be that bad." my friends, let me tell you how.

i am unsure how old i was, or my exact location in the state of Pennsylvania, but what i am sure of is that i was attacked by an overly aggressive goat in a petting zoo when i was about 5 years old. i was old enough to run, but not old enough to run away from this demongoat that chased me in circles around a fenced in death trap. i ran and ran while this demon-goat chased me and issued no quarter to my arm flares and piercing screams. it is without question my least favorite animal, this goat. as it chased me it occasionally head butted my backside and i felt as if this goat was eventually going to eat me alive. i could not be more serious about my disgust for this wild man-eater. to this day, i hate the goat.

I am German Pointer

2006-10-31T20:12:00.000-08:00

andTim is a German Pointer.

At least that is the dog type that best represents me. I keep posting these heavy-topic blogs, so on a lighter note this site runs you through a series of questions (took less than 3 minutes) so that you can determine your canine likeness. I encourage all to take time out and go to this site:

http://www.gone2thedogs.com/

Click on "Game", then on "Play".

Please post your dog type and name under comments.

Thank you for your cooperation. Enjoy your day. If someone can come up with an equivalent cat game, I would definitely be in for that as well. Thanks.

makes offensive a lot does Borat

2006-10-28T06:57:00.000-07:00

call me old fashioned or call me just flat out old, but i cannot get behind the Borat. i have not seen this movie yet, but i probably won't because i really do not want to contribute any money or support to this idea or grovelling for humor. i did watch the first four minutes of the movie on youtube though from a link a buddy of mine sent me, so i feel like that combined with doing a little research on Borat websites and wikipedia i can at least give my opinion based on the information i know. i will admit this may be unfair until i see the entire movie and that perhaps i am Borat ignorant. i will not admit that what i have seen to date is not offensive though.

i agree that the picture attached to this post is somewhat funny without knowing anything else about Borat. most of us are suckers for low quality humor such as physical embarrassment and making fun of the appearance of others. will ferrell and ben stiller both take part in such humor in many circumstances. for example, it is funny to see will ferrell in an elf costume in the movie Elf. something about that alone looks so absurd that it becomes humorous.

Borat is a fictional character from Kazakhstan. you can watch the movie trailer by going HERE
and then clicking on the blue rectangle in the middle which says "Please see my MOVIE you can be seeing small pictures NOW!! MAKE CLICK". Borat is basically a stereotype of an uncivilized, uneducated Kazakhstani journalist who first shows off his native land by telling villagers not to have sex with animals while he is gone and gives his sister a extended smooching that gives the idea that sexual acts within the family are acceptable. he also makes light of the level of sophistication and hygeine of people from Kazakhstan and frequently utters mixed up nonsensical sentences, often including comments about oral sex, prostitution, and reproductive organs.

i find this character inconsiderate and disgusting. in a time where we have much tension between different nations around the world i do not see how directly targeting a particular country and making a joke out of them is a good idea for a movie. the Kazakhi Foreign Ministry had the following statement regarding Borat's behavior of inappropriately touching children on stage as a joke at the MTV Europe Music Awards...

"We do not rule out that Mr. Cohen is serving someone's political order designed to present Kazakhstan and its people in a derogatory way. We reserve the right to any legal action to prevent new pranks of the kind. We view Mr. Cohen's behaviour at the MTV Europe Music Awards as utterly unacceptable, being a concoction of bad taste and ill manners which is completely incompatible with ethics and civilized behaviour."-Yerzhan Ashykbayev, Kazakh Foreign Ministry Spokesman

by that statement it would appear that i am not the only one who finds this offensive, and i am not even from Kazakhstan. in response, Borat speaks of Kazakhstan having some of the cleanest prostitutes in central asia and homosexuals are no longer required to wear blue hats and thus Kazakhstan being a civilized nation. Borat is a sophomoric attempt at a quick laugh, but i wouldn't be surprised if that is in fact what he ends up getting. this movie will probably be successful, i just think it is weak.

Limbaugh Vs. Stem Cell TV Ads

2006-10-26T09:49:00.000-07:00

I, andTim, listen to Rush Limbaugh regularly. I think he's a great voice of reason and logical thought. This aside...

People (The Media and Left-Wing) are pitting him against Michael J. Fox because they make it out to be "Limbaugh has no sympathy for sufferers of Parkinson's disease". This is stupid. Limbaugh merely has no sympathy for someone who would turn the healing of disease into a partisan issue. This is akin to the idea that George Bush WANTS a war in Iraq and does not care about the fortunes of our soldiers-

WAKE UP.

No one WANTS disease. No one WANTS people to die in warfare. (Possible exception being radical islamic groups) These are not partisan issues. Whether or not we should go to war can be a partisan issue, but EVERYONE wants disease healed. Do not be mislead into thinking that opposing stem-cell research or opposing a Michael J. Fox television ad has ANYTHING to do with lacking the desire to find a cure for the disease. (In this case MJF's Parkinson's disease.)

It is indeed Michael J. Fox's right to present himself in whatever state he likes... but having a disease does not preclude you from or give you an automatic exemption from POLITICAL criticism. He fired a shot from the Longbow of the Left, and Rush merely answered back with a Rocket from the Right.

The Post-Post

2006-10-24T13:50:00.000-07:00

Hang with me on this one... I think I have some prophetic insight for once....if you are having a bad day or already depressed, I would recommend against reading... (Kevin Costner poster included for intentional humor, and because he is Mike's favorite actor.)

Most people would agree that we have entered a Post-Industrial Age. It has become popular to label this era of human history the Information Age. I agree- we are solidly in the Information Age. However, I think the next age will be best characterized best not by the dominant technologies available, but by the mindset of the masses.

I think the next age will be comprised of several new "posts" stemming from one main theme:

Post-Absolutes

Somewhere someone is already concocting a vodka ad to this point. (Ad agencies are notoriously quick to pick up pop culture slang, and mikeandtimblog.blogspot.com is daily becoming more influential in pop culture... or so we are told by our representatives. Post-existential vodka ads are rather predictable anyway.) Anyway... we will enter an era of Post-Absolutes, where absolutely nothing that could possibly provide pleasure will be considered dangerous or unlawful. Here are 3 other "posts" that will come about as a by-product:

1) Post-Music
2) Post-Gender
3) Post-Marriage

Many would argue that we are already in a state of Post-Marriage. (Friend of mikeandtimblog.blogspot.com, Po Bronson, recently wrote an article talking about this on Time.com) I would have to agree. If not already an absolute, the statistics regarding marriage speak to this point strongly. Most people marry because they want to spend the rest of their life with the person (love) and they want to start a family (procreation). A good marriage requires selflessness and sacrifice, however as I will soon talk about extensively in my upcoming blog about Conservatism- selfishness is the opposite of love, and you cannot have a healthy family environment without sacrificing your personal desires. In a society where EVERYTHING is about you and how you can find pleasure, it will not take too long until marriage is obsolete.

As far as gender, it has almost become meaningless in our society. That is why we will enter a period of Post-Gender. (We may already be there... I will have to consult mikeandtimblog.blogspot.com reps in San Francisco... aka my cousin, the Mao Zen Master, Michael Hart Leggett... and the future CEO of global economic juggernaut Carter and Associates, Christopher G. Carter) While I personally think that gender is vital to human identity, civilization, and existence, you have to consider the ROLE of gender. In my opinion, you have to acknowledge that human beings were created by an intelligent force in order to see any role for gender. As a Christian, I see the purpose of gender to reflect the feminine and masculine qualities of God, more specifically the feminine and masculine qualities of love. Given that people don't seem to know what they want sexually, gender becomes a non-issue. It is all a matter of what experience gives you the greatest amount of gratification with the least amount of effort. If someone can explain to me why feminine lesbians prefer masculine lesbians over masculine men, that would be interesting too. This makes no sense to me.

Finally we come to Post-Music. Many of the things that have defined music over the years- harmony, melody, rhythm, singing- are quickly being dismissed. There is no original subject matter discussed in commercial hip-hop for example. None. There is nothing poetic or artistically important about any platinum rapper in the last year- or maybe more. And this is our MOST popular style of music. Rock music has stagnated with the exception of a daring few whose declining record sales continue to remove them from popular culture. (ie: Radiohead) However sound passed off as music will continue to exist simply because of the innate carnal power of an arrangement of notes. Eventually music will solely exist as a background to sexual forays- only serving to vacillate according to the varying levels of excitement in our libido. Someone somewhere will match the beat of music to our pulse rates or hormonal release if it has not already been done. Connecting these systems, along with drug use will create the next ultimate experience. (apologies to Jimi Hendrix album of the same name) In fact, "music" will probably be tangibly interactive once someone somewhere marries a guitar or keyboard effect to the human nervous system. Music will not be appreciated on its own simply because it will be considered antiquated to appreciate music for the talent of an individual. Ironically, only collective composition efforts will be appreciated in providing individual pleasure. The quality of music will only be evaluated insofar as its ability to complement hedonistic experiences both sexual and non-sexual.

Well- feel free to comment, these are just ideas after all. And there are answers- but the World will likely continue to get worse until it gets better. The next blog will offer hope to escape these things...

generic miscues

2006-10-17T21:00:00.000-07:00

on occasion, we here at the mikeandtim laboratories feel the need to run tests, experiments, and tests on certain goods. many things are tested here at the labs. by many, i mean a lot. we procure items from stores, and we test them. it is that simple.

this particular write up protects the penny-pincher from him or herself. at the super secret mikeandtim product testing labs, we have recently selected a few name-brand products and thrown them in the octagon of battle against an "equivalent" generic item. now i come from the world of construction and submittal processes for a specified item "or equivalent", and more than once in the course of history the "equivalent" item substituted for the real mccoy is not quite of equal value. the following are a few items of which have been declared unsuitable to purchase the equivalent generic item in place of name-brand.

1. Kleenex - the Kleenex (of Puffs) tissue is of a much higher quality than the generic brand tissue. if you buy the generic brand made by your local grocer, you will be sorry. it is cold/flu season and i subjected myself to the Kleenex imposter only to rip hole after hole in tissue paper while blowing my nose and i am telling you, there is not much worse than having a sore nose and snot on your paws when you already feel like dogcrap. do not buy generic tissues.

2. Q-tips - do NOT under any circumstance spend money on generic brand "cotton swabs". these are not even close to the Q-tip. the Q-tip has at least 50% more cotton on the end of the swab and you are in danger of damaging your earhole if you use a cheapo swab. i could not be more serious about this. protect yourselves and your loved ones from imposter Q-tips.

3. Toothpaste - yes, i realize that we are on a trend of toiletry items here, but these are the most commonly purchased generics on the market. do not buy cheap toothpaste. it tastes like mint flavored socks. you heard me.

4. flip flops - if you buy a $3 flip flop at a gas station or some such, prepare to buy yourself another pair of flip flops within 72 hours.

5. multi-vitamins - stay away. i dont care if it says they have the same vitamins and ingredients as Centrum or another name brand. we have a bottle of generic vitamins and i think my wife and i have both eaten 1 each, and that was at the same time. within 5 minutes we both thought we were going to vomit due to stomach discomfort.

write those 5 items down. many items you can buy super cheap generics in lieu of, but the five items mentioned above have been proven to be bad generic purchases. there are more, but 5 is enough for today, and our scientists are tired.

Epic Blog coming...

2006-10-17T10:18:00.000-07:00

I am working on a huge blog about Conservatism and Liberalism based on a forum thread on Rollingstone.com- but I have a job. I will finish this tonight and post tomorrow. Thanks for checking in-

andTim

Nike Running Shoes

2006-10-16T08:25:00.000-07:00

I am a huge fan of Nike running shoes. Most all of the running shoes I have ever owned have been Nikes and I think they are probably the best shoes ever created by man. Versatility, Comfort, etc. This a picture of my new running shoes, which came with a complimentary Varsity Running T-Shirt. Tremendous. I ran the other day and was just flying in the new shoes. (By my standards- 7:00 min miles)

Maybe it's the Forrest Gump thing in me, but I definitely agree with him that they are probably the best gift you can give anyone. Unfortunately I gave them to myself, but what can you do? I recommend going out and getting a pair of Nike running shoes today.

I am hereby rescinding my support for A-Rod, although I hope he is traded to the Astros. I am hoping that the Aggies continue their winning ways, and as much as it pains me to say this.... I am attending my first LSU football game this weekend. Geaux... tigers. Ugh. Difficult to type.

Saw "The Departed" last night....

2006-10-11T06:51:00.000-07:00

Overall, it is a good movie. I had heard all of these superlatives from reviewers going in, so I was expecting something in the upper stratosphere of movie making. While it is good, it leaves something to be desired.

First- the movie is 2:30 long. Which is great. I, andTim, prefer longer movies. For the most part longer movies generally equate to more complete storytelling, better character development, and better plot development. It is probably rare that someone has to go back and re-shoot footage to make their movie long enough, as is evident by the "Deleted Scenes" feature on most DVD's.

The problem is this... there is still a lack of relationship development between characters. Namely, DiCaprio and the police psychologist. (Forgot the character's name... but she was a good casting choice). Also, what is Nicholson's motivation? Power? Wealth? He seems to have reached the apex of both in his world. What did he have left to prove? Why did his guys follow him like they did? Riches? Power? Fear? It is never really explained.

There is definitely plenty of "good" violence and language in the movie... but I'll tell you this much... I am getting sick of the New England/New York bias in movie-making. Sure, they have cute "Southy" accents and attitudes, but is this the sole creative place by which someone can write an artistically valuable gangster movie? Not that the mob is prevalent in Texas, but c'mon. Those of us who do not live on the east coast or the west coast deserve representation outside of football movies. I started to resent the somewhat pretentious mood of this style of filmmaking about 3/4 of the way through. I just OD'd on the contrived writing of witty jokes and "I'm a badass with this line" and the responding "Oh, you think you're a badass? I've got a more badass line than you could ever consider!" It's like a battle for gangsta movie line deepthinking, and I no longer buy it.

DiCaprio, Damon, Nicholson, and Mark Wahlberg give great performances in this movie. They are some of the best actors of our generation. And I really never thought I would say that about the former "Marky Mark". Well- go enjoy. I will put down a diatribe on the stupidity of liberalism later. For my inspiration go read the essay posted on Moby.com today.

Simple Joys

2006-10-09T13:00:00.000-07:00

Given that we regularly bring on intensive and heavy commentary on all things pertinent and impertinent in the world here at mikeandtimblog.blogspot.com, I felt it was necessary for a simple joys blog.

1- Great Weather

Part of growing up and living along the Gulf Coast is that you have weather between 90 and 100 F for half the year. Add in a little humidity and minimal wind, and you're looking at close to triple digit heat indeces almost daily. So when we get these little stretches of 85 high/60 low temp days, it is awesome. It was 56 here in Baton Rouge last night. While people in other parts of the world may get this often, it is rare for us and exists only about 4 weeks out of the year. And we love it.

2- Hot Showers

Those who know me know that I love the long shower. While this runs contradictory to my "Save the Earth" mentality, I defend it by the fact that it helps relieve sore muscles, allows me great time to think (no distractions), and of course becoming tremendously clean in the process. In centuries past you would have had to go to the river or well, start a fire, put the water in a pot, and then somehow afix it to the shower mechanism. Between potential scalding and spending 2-3 hours preparing for a 10 minute shower, it would have just never happened. Yet, most of us do it daily. So great.

3- Chocolate Milk/Ice Cream Sandwiches

I must give Tae Park props for this one. I have a tendency to "overthink" my life. I'm convinced that's why Mike created the blog in the first place, he couldn't take too many more of my thoughts involuntarily. The blog at least gives him the option... anyway...

Tae is one of the best people I know, a good Korean man who works as an Engineer, plays a mean game of dominoes, treats his friends with total grace and servitude, and will defend his favorite sports teams to the death. He also loves chocolate milk. He has a ranking system 1-5 of his favorites, but since we are obsessed with the pinnacle of perfection and achievement here at mikeandtimblog.blogspot.com, I will give you only No. 1: Oak Farms Dairy.

The fact that you can go in any gas station and get an ice cream sandwich or chocolate milk is just tremendous. Guaranteed to increase your average daily life happiness by 5 points. (On a scale of 0-100) I think that I average around a 70, as I am still lacking points based on lack of general life direction, procrastination, underachievement, and lack of regular marital sex. So in the scheme of things, 5 points for snacks is pretty impressive.

4- Listening to CD's you haven't listened to in a long time

In brief... I loved the Dave Matthews/Tim Reynolds Live at Luther College albums when they came out. It was at the peak of my interest in Dave, at the peak of my college experience, at the peak of my desire to play acoustic guitar driven rock. The good news: this album holds up. I don't think I listened to any songs on from these albums for the past 5 years before reacquiring this album a couple of weeks ago. Tremendous.

5- Building stuff out of wood

If you're unhappy at all, buy some wood and build something. I don't know if it is possible to be unhappy when woodworking. The same can be said about wearing overalls and listening to Reggae, as they are automatic glee generators.

In conclusion... need a good day? Wait for good weather, put on some overalls, buy some wood and build something. While building, listen to Bob Marley, drink some Chocolate Milk while taking a break and then have a hot shower. This is what heaven is like for the single man in Baton Rouge in modern day.

Ugh....Requisite Mark Foley Commentary

2006-10-06T07:46:00.000-07:00

<----- Dennis Hastert (This is either a frustrated or constipated face, or both) If you look at Time's pictures used for their quotes of the day, they are decidedly partisan. I have been evaluating this phenomenon for close to 2 years. Time should be renamed "Socialist Chronography".

Alright, here it is- since we have vowed to be a non-biased news source and give America clear direction:

-Mark Foley is complete slime and filth. He should be punished to the full extent of the law.

-Dennis Hastert (Speaker of the House) should not be held liable if it is found to be true he new nothing about the Instant Messages. His job is not to babysit idiot homosexual predator pedophiles. It is to help represent the people and guide the country. There are probably 500 illegimate scandals brought against congressmen every year, it was unfortunate that this one turned out to be real. Hastert is not the FBI, he is not spending his time as a watchdog making sure no one does anything illegal. When considering Hastert consider this: Do you have a job? Do you have a busy day-to-day life? Now take that and multiply it by 5 and you probably have an idea as to how devoted the Speaker of the House has to be to his job. Probably not a whole lot of extra time to spend hunting down the random IM's of some jackass.

-Apparently these IM's were at least 3 years old. 3 years! Whoever HAS known about this for this long and managed to spring it 35 days before an election- they have a special place in Hell. They should be held to almost the same punitive standard as Foley! Could you imagine knowing someone who was out there doing stuff like this and just sitting on it for 3 years for political advantage? Gross.

-This is one man and one man's actions. That's it. The blame should not extend beyond Mark Foley unless it is proven that other people had CONCRETE knowledge of the REAL CONTENT of the IM's. There is way too much assumption going on given very few of the facts are really known. This is an epidemic problem within the media as the line between fact and opinion has been irreparably blurred. And that's all for me... have a good weekend faithful readers.

best team ever?

2006-10-03T20:16:00.000-07:00

evidently andTim is watching the American League Division Series tonight as well, since as i am typing this post he has already endorsed Alex Rodriguez. there is no question he is one of the best players that will ever play the game. he does have a knack for drawing attention to himself though. i have been a Rangers fan for about 4 years now and for some reason or another a lot of people disliked him. perhaps it was because he handcuffed the team with his unprecedented and irrefutably ridiculous salary. or maybe it is because he occasionally says things like the following excerpt from ESPN.com...

"[Mike] Mussina doesn't get hammered at all," he told SI. "He's making a boatload of money. Giambi's making [$20.4 million], which is fine and dandy, but it seems those guys get a pass. When people write [bad things] about me, I don't know if it's [because] I'm good-looking, I'm biracial, I make the most money, I play on the most popular team ..."
(http://sports.espn.go.com/mlb/news/story?id=2595523)

hmmm. really? this is also the same guy who says you can take his house and his cars away from him, but just don't take his clothes. nice.

i totally got sidetracked from my original post, which was that Mr. Rodriguez happens to be a key player on the best team of all time. i have no idea if the 2006 Yankees will win the World Series, but it seems like they probably should. look at this lineup...

Johnny Damon
Derek Jeter
Bobby Abreu
Gary Sheffield
Jason Giambi
Alex Rodriguez
Hideki Matsui
Jorge Posada
Robinson Cano

you may say..."yeah, thats pretty solid except for that unknown Robinson Cano dude." well, you may not know his name yet, but considering the guy hit .342 with 15 homers and a .525 slugging percentage in 122 games this year you will probably get to know him. oh, did i mention he is 23 years old? yeah, probably has some more good years ahead of him.

this roster is ridiculous. they didn't get shutout until the 73rd game of the season, which was the second game of a doubleheader that had been delayed due to heavy rains. i would consider these adverse conditions and almost do not even count it as a true shutout. Matsui and Sheffield didnt even play, and Posada had one pinch hit at bat.

if the Yankees do not win the World Series this year i would be surprised. the only thing holding them back is that they have a near-geriatric pitching staff. on a side note, 2007 is the 'Stros year.

Rooting for A-Rod

2006-10-03T18:38:00.000-07:00

Alex Rodriguez is an easy target. He has the highest salary of any MLB player ($25,000,000+) and he plays for the highest profile team in baseball... the New York Yankees. So far he has had one of the most impressive careers of anyone to play the game and he is on pace to break some of the most prominent all-time hitting records baseball has to offer.

So it would seem that I, andTim, would have a difficult time rooting for him. (I like the underdog)

But I will root for him. Why? He is more scrutinized than any player in any sport right now. TO actually beats him out, but he brings it on himself. A-Rod is an altarboy next to Owens. He has performed at the top of pro baseball for 10 years, and yet he isn't respected largely for being considered weak in clutch moments. Unclutch, if you will. I don't buy it.

Whether he is clutch or not is difficult to establish quantitatively or statistically. But the guy is a gamer. To average 153 games played per season over the last 11 years he has had to play through pain, cold streaks, trades, position changes, and more. And through this time he has averaged 43 home runs and 125 RBI's per 162 game seasons. Yet, the guy's career is halfway through and Yankee fans boo him.

Avg: .290- 32nd in the league
HR: 35- 8th in the league
RBI: 121- 4th in the league

Yeah, he deserves to be booed. It's just ridiculous. So I will root for A-Rod, mainly because I root for excellence as well- and he exemplifies excellence in baseball.

My Breast Cancer letter to Hillary Clinton

2006-10-02T18:24:00.000-07:00

This was a forum put up on yahoo recently to tell Mrs. Clinton how we should attack the breast cancer problem.

** Quick Disclaimer **
The following represents conservative political theory.

Throwing time at the problem is the best solution. Teams of researchers need a lot of time to work to find a solution. The money to provide salaries, labs, and equipment to researchers should come from PRIVATE CITIZENS- not the government. This enhances accountability and efficiency that cannot be found through government programs.

The way to give US citizens more disposable income is to cut spending on superfluous government programs. The resulting additional income allows Americans to spend more time at home, and less time at work, giving them more time to educate themselves and eat healthier (non-carcinogenic) foods. More personal time allows for researching and finding good privately-funded organizations to donate funds to for breast cancer research.

So rather than taxing citizens to give money to groups like the NEA (National Endowment for the Arts), we should allow citizens to keep their money and morally decide which is more important: Crucifixes placed in jars of urine (an example of modern art) or saving the lives of women facing an epidemic-level illness.

The government needs to trust the people to make good, morally-conscious decisions with their money, not allow for the irresponsible dispersion of funding via a body of people with remote accountability at best. (Financial decision-makers in government positions) Thanks for reading.

General Thoughts on Football, Purses, and Wilco

2006-10-01T21:31:00.000-07:00

- Girls with giant expensive purses may as well wear signs that say, "I am a high-maintenance pain in the ass who can't hold a conversation".

-The same could also be said for girls who wear giant sunglasses. They just look incredibly stupid. The only reason they are acceptable is due to the fact that sunglasses are intended to shield your eyes, so if they're huge- they are actually serving a quality function despite looking terrible.

-The Aggies lost and it was a heartbreaker, but at least it was close. I am starting to hate losing to Tech more than losing to UT.

-I will soon post a master blog on I why I really don't care much for the NFL, but for now I'll just say that I really don't care much for the NFL.

-Driving from Baton Rouge, LA to College Station, TX on a Friday afternoon/evening is an absolute beating.

-Wilco's "Yankee Hotel Foxtrot" is probably the best road trip album I own. And given that I have undeniably great musical taste and a pretty deep musical collection to draw from- it may be the best road trip album ever. Heavy praise, I know. But it is great. Jeff Tweedy, you are now on my list of geniuses. I can also spend $3.63 on Diet Coca-Cola and Pall Mall cigarettes.

andTim loses post-off

2006-09-30T13:47:00.000-07:00

andTim, you didnt post yesterday. therefore you are out. mike wins post-off.

in other news, i am not sure if he will post it, but andTim selects the Bears and Chargers to reach the Super Bowl this year. he was pretty critical of my Broncos and Cowboys Super Bowl but hey, i made the call before the year started and stand by it.

coffee anyone?

2006-09-29T11:16:00.000-07:00

here are the coffee pots at my office. Most would expect a decision to be made between "Regular" and "Decaf", but at my office you do not have the traditional Decaf option. you must choose between "Regular" and "Strong". and believe me, the "Strong" is equivalent to approximately 12x the stength of what Starbucks considers a "Bold" brew. mmmm, delicious. also take special note of how the marketing of the word "Strong" in cursive is substantially more appealing than the regular Arial-like font of "Regular". that distinction typically pushes me into choosing the "Strong" brew.

baseball walk to the plate song

2006-09-28T14:12:00.000-07:00

have you ever noticed at professional baseball games (and maybe even college/high school/t-ball) each player has a get pumped up song as they walk from the on-deck circle to home plate? this is greatness. a little something exciting before each player steps in the batter's box. it is my understanding that each player chooses the tunage that plays during this time. so, i present the question of...

what would your theme song be?

i have thought about this for a while but have not ever come up with the perfect song. recently i have settled on "All Because of You" by U2. seriously, put this cd on and turn the volume up to near distortion and tell me the opening of this song isnt a good choice. however, i would also be alright with "Right Now" by Van Halen. the piano and guitar in the beginning...good stuff. my third choice would probably be "Take My Breath Away", just for the humor factor. the opening of that song is pretty unmistakable and would more than likely leave the pitcher confused and hopefully would throw four straight balls due to distraction.

More Children Left Behind

2006-09-28T12:24:00.000-07:00

The idea of "No Child Left Behind" while considerate and compassionate, needs to be left behind. If a child wants compassion, that is where the parents come in- not the school.

I'm not saying that we start kicking 4th graders out for spelling mistakes, but 9th and 10th graders? Yes. The boot. If you can't meet the standard, you don't lower the standard, you drop the kid. Graduating high school has become more of a right than a privilege or an accomplishment in the more modern, more liberal American education system.

There are 2 very troubling things crippling America right now: 1- Jobs and Industries being sent abroad and 2) A lack of well-educated people to further the market place. I guess this is why every other engineer that I work with is Asian, Indian, or some other foreign ethnicity. The reason why? They're not smarter... they just work harder. Why do they work harder? They want to graduate from high school, college, and graduate school. They do this so that they can get good jobs and come to America to enjoy the twilight hours of our world dominance. Eventually we will turn into Europe and people will just come visit the more scenic and decadent places here while the rest of the country fades into oblivion from declining birth rates. (see blogs on hedonistic sexual philosophies as a by-product of the advancement and acceptance of the homosexual agenda)

We need to tighten up our standards across the board. We need to show the world that our diplomas on all levels not only equal theirs, but exceed them by a significant margin. And I'm back to selling heaters.....

andTim Returns: A Case for New (Old) Media

2006-09-27T20:27:00.000-07:00

I apologize for my absence and will out-blog mike.

We need new media. Terrell Owens helped to inspire this, but many things have inspired it. I am sick of the "news". It is not objective, it is not trustworthy, and it caters to the interests of the advertisers who make the programming possible. Unfortunately, I have no good solution other than to tell everyone to use the Internet less and watch TV less. This would at least drive down the amount of attention that these outlets receive and make advertisers less prone to use them.

The problem is manufactured news. To be honest, I don't really care whether T.O. commits suicide or not. And to all of you people who do, you shouldn't; unless you personally know him or are related to him. But to continue with manufactured news...

There are dozens.. hundreds of news stories every year that are completely unimportant and irrelevant. The problem is... everything has to be sensationalized and discussed to death to drive ratings. I don't understand why we have to see the same news report 31 times on 14 different networks in the span of 20 minutes, but we do. News and ratings is a very chicken-and-egg situation in the modern world. It should not be. THE NEWS SHOULD NOT BE ABOUT RATINGS.

The other problem: if we let the Government handle the news, how can anyone assume that it is objective? So our hands are tied. We either get overly sensationalized biased news from the networks or we get boring biased news from the Government. From now on, your only reliable source for news should be mikeandtimblog.blogspot.com. We don't make any money from the blog, so we can't be biased on that basis. We don't care about ratings because we are unrateable. We are interesting. We are therefore, the ideal media outlet. Thank you.

i challenge andTim to a post-off

2006-09-27T15:50:00.000-07:00

andTim, i hereby henceforth and thereforth challenge thee to a post-off. each of us shall post once per day for the next foreseeable future, and first not to post on any given day loseth aforementioned post-off. i also change font color to brownie.

challenge beginneth. this counts as my post for 27 september. boomyahboomboomyah.

Apple...you are a filthy little goblin

2006-09-21T21:37:00.000-07:00

i have been working for quite some time on a slideshow for kristen's grandparent's 50th anniversary. many hours have been put in to develop a pictoral representation of their last 50 years. it wasnt a work of art or anything, but i was pretty much done with the slideshow and was ready to burn to a disc and have it ready for saturday.

then the computer goblin stucketh.

the darn thing turned itself off and wouldnt turn back on. so i follow all help/troubleshooting instructions and tips on the website, and still nothing. so today i took in the cpu to an Apple store on my lunch break (and ate at Chuy's with my good buddy BT) and set up my appointment, which was about an hour later. so, we eat lunch, then i take the computer in and they run some tests. evidently the power supply failed, so they had to order me a new one. this process of getting new power supply and installing it will take somewhere between 3 and 5 business days. nice. its thursday afternoon, the slideshow is pretty much done, and i am about to turn my computer over to the Apple store for fixtime and wont have it back until Wednesday at the earliest. anniversary party is saturday. nice.

good thing my great friend james has allowed me to use his macbook pro for the weekend. tonight i am up rescanning in all of the pictures and putting the slideshow together, but if i get it done its all good. thanks jp.

eradication of andTim

2006-09-09T10:08:00.000-07:00

nice, i am just posting so i have the 5 most recent posts and he gets his last entry knocked off the page. booyah.

have a good weekend.

the referee

2006-09-08T06:04:00.000-07:00

ah yes, the football season has begun. a delightful game took place last night in which the Dolphin contested the Steeler. i am so glad the NFL is back since both of my baseball teams are probably out of it and the College Football just doesn't have the appeal now that i have been out of college for a while. i am not sure why so many people like college football more than pro, that doesnt make sense to me. the level of competition and talent is so much higher in the NFL and the games are better, but that is for another discussion.

i bring up the referee because it was obvious last night that a few calls were made incorrectly. i realize that we have the benefit of instant replay and we are sitting at home watching these games. i realize that the game "moves fast" in real time. blah blah blah. arent these guys paid to officiate? are they not trained and tested on these things? i get paid to do my job, and if i screwed up enough on something i could get fired. so, is there no accountability for the referee? i am not suggesting any of these guys get fired; that would be out of bounds for me to mandate. however, i do suggest that these guys make the friggin right calls on the field. i knew instantly that Heath Miller was down before he got in the end zone last night. i didnt need replay to show me, and i would bet the majority of people watching this game knew as well. i dont have some ultra super quick eye that allows me to see these things. so i will ask the question i have been asking for years. what do these guys get paid for? i feel like they get all of the super obvious calls right most of the time, but anyone could do this couldnt they? it is pretty clear when someone runs out of bounds or a field goal doesnt go in between the uprights, but what about the close calls? i feel like the referee's main purpose is to make the close calls. shouldnt referee's be trained to know what to look for in close call situations? if not, why are they referees? couldnt anyone who is in good shape put on the zebra suit and make the obvious calls, then just kind of guess at the calls that are close and rely on the replay booth to correct if needed? anyway, enough rant. i just get annoyed when there are a bunch of these in one game and i know it is the first game of the season and i should probably just shut up. happy friday to ya.

NFL Predictions

2006-09-06T20:51:00.000-07:00

this year seems a little more difficult to pick Super Bowl teams, but lets go ahead and give it a shot. here are mine...

AFC Champ - Denver Broncos
NFC Champ - Dallas Cowboys

both of these teams were on the edge of being something special last year and both strengthened their defense, as well as added a key WR. Jake Plummer a Super Bowl quarterback?? yes, i think he will get the Broncos there by keeping his mistakes to a minimum. he may throw for a bunch of interceptions during the regular season, but come playoff time the running back by committee is going to pay off. the broncos will go 12 - 4 (if not better) largely due to the combination of their defensive strength and their relatively easy schedule.

the Cowboys will get there only because i am from Dallas, so it makes it easy for me to cheer for them. plus, they have the cockiest player in the league on their team, Mr. Mike Vanderjagt. this guy is pretty funny, and not a bad kicker either. i think the Cowboys will go 12 - 4 as well, several of these being close games that Vanderjagt will win in the final 2 minutes or even overtime. this defense is underrated and opposing running backs will not be looking forward to playing against the fellas from Big D. as long as Dallas doesn't have to play Carolina in the playoffs i think they will be fine.

and of course i have to pick the Cowboys to win the Super Bowl, by a score of 35-17.

Crocodile Hunter dies

2006-09-05T07:49:00.000-07:00

we lost a bit of greatness over the weekend...the greatness of The Crocodile Hunter. this man dared to encounter the deadliest and most ferocious of animals for the cause of preservation and study. a true pioneer in his field of Zoology, Irwin was a unanimous vote into the Beast List and faced fear on a daily basis. truly a delight, Irwin was one who seemed to have a huge heart for animals and people and pushed the limits of human/animal interaction. the world will miss the greatness of Steve Irwin.

ownership

2006-08-31T20:05:00.000-07:00

an interesting topic to me is the ownership or non-ownership of things. for some reason people are very into this; it is our nature as humans to do so. we are constantly evaluating things. maybe one dislikes chocolate ice cream. maybe it is wearing loafers without socks. maybe it is liking Los Angeles. whatever our likes and dislikes are shape us as a person. we somehow identify with others or other things in an effort to develop our own person.

what is it about owning the obscure or unknown that impresses others? does it impress others? does it make one feel better about oneself? a fine example of the ownership clause of the obscure is when music listeners try and find the next big thing. why do we do this? i cannot deny that i have done this in the past. perhaps for some it is the freshness of originality. perhaps we are just after finding something others have not because it distinguishes ourselves. distinguishment may be the driving force here. in a world where anyone with internet has access to pretty much any piece of information one would ever inquire about, is it possible that we are striving to find the undiscovered? the pilgrims may not have had it all bad. they had an earth that was not yet proven to be round or flat, they had an entire continent that was sparsely inhabited. these days there are no gold rushes, no true colonizations of foreign lands, and nothing for the common man to stake his flag and claim. many of us have this desire, to chase after uniqueness and avoid the mundane. do you? what do you seek that forms part of your identity?

My New Home

2006-08-28T13:47:00.000-07:00

Okay.. we may now have to change our name to mikeandtimodeauxblog.blogspot.com. This undoubtedly would give us longest non-intentional blog name of all time. Actually, since Mike lives in Dallas and it is unparalleled as Weinerville, U.S.A., Earth, we should change the name to michelleandtimodeauxblog.blogspot.com... thus making the name even longer and more accurate. Denham Springs, LA... fear me.

McManders is a filthy little goblin

2006-08-27T07:37:00.000-07:00

i was home sick on thursday and friday due to some form of stomach virus, no bueno. i slept most of thursday and ventured out only one time to visit the CVS pharmacy and purchase the largest bottle of Pepto that they had and a Gatorade. certainly this caused me to receive a quasi-sympathetic but more fearful look from the dude at the register.

on friday, i at least had a little energy to get up and move so i left the house to get a Smoothie for lunch. i walked out my front door and as i was heading down the sidewalk to my car i noticed somewhat of a pitterpatter rain like sound. turning to my left, i see the forbidden taking place in Old Man McManders' yard. McManders has his yard sprinkler going full throttle, in the middle of the day circa 11:30am on a Friday. if you are a first-time mikeandtim reader, perhaps you do not notice why this is a big deal. in my seemingly inexorable battle with McManders over City and Homeowners Association rules that no one even knows about except for us two (i have been forced to keep up to date, see previous McManders entry on how he accused me of "breaking the law", of which i was vindicated) the scene of McManders watering his yard at off hours and on the wrong day put me in disbelief. i nearly fainted due to the perplexity. perhaps i should have walked right over there and told him that he was in fact breaking the law, the same charge that caused him to march over to my door months ago making such allegations. instead, i gave the McManders estate a look of disgust, then continued on, got in my car, and headed to the Smoothie King. consider yourself fortunate McManders, next time i may not be so forgiving.

job title confusion

2006-08-22T12:38:00.000-07:00

since andTim never posts anymore, i must post. and by post, i mean waste your time with nonsensical palaver.

please help me in choosing a job title. since March, i have been asked to take on the jobs of the following:

Sales Coordinator
Construction Manager
Leasing Manager

typically these would be given to three separate people. of course i have my old job that this was all added to, which brings up the trouble of establishing what i do exactly. so i have come up with the following ambiguous job titles of which i need you, the mikeandtim reader, to help me pick one for when i order business cards...

option 1: Consort
option 2: Liaison
option 3: Consigliere
option 4: Escort
option 5: Envoy

all are confusing and do not even give the slightest idea of what i actually do. make no mistake, confusion and ambiguity is the goal here. which should i choose?

i am done with you, Mr. Guitar Center

2006-08-14T15:41:00.000-07:00

i have been playing guitar since i was 16 years old. my first guitar was procured by my Uncle, who at the time lived in St. Louis and owned (i think) a music store. this guitar was an Alvarez dark sunburst acoustic guitar, full body, and easy to play. it was what i received from my parents on my 16th birthday, and it couldn't have been any greater.

my second guitar (and my 3rd and my 4th) were all purchased at Guitar Center. with each subsequent purchase i learned that these prices can be negotiated. some of them can be negotiated quite a bit. i think the Larrivee acoustic guitar i own was tagged at $2250, and i bought the thing for $1650. this is not "list price" vs "store price", the list price on the guitar was like $3000, which is completely absurd and completely irrelevant. "List price" should mean nothing to the musician.

before this turns into a long and unnecessary exposure of my guitar dream repository, here are the seven elements of my last trip to Guitar Center that made me officially disgusted with the place:

1. immediately upon entrance, three people flocked to my face like used car salesmen asking if they could help me find something.

2. signage is terrible. i have no idea where to frickin go once i am in there and i have probably been to 10 different Guitar Centers which all have different layouts. the place is a maze.

3. after stiff-arming the salespeople, the loud awful imitation riffs of Lynyrd Skynyrd and Three Doors Down pollute my earhole. correction: earholes. both of them. both ears instantly hate me and try to drag me to the exit. good thing they are made of cartilage or they may have had enough strength to remove my body from the store.

4. i cut through the jack osbournes and dave navarros to get to the percussion section. i love the percussion. however, once in there, the youngest Hanson brother was banging a no-rhythm symphony of awfulness and i couldnt hear myself think, let alone hear the conga or wooden-thing-with-fish-net-beads-on-the-outside-of-it-thingy that i was attempting to test for sound.

5. i leave percussion, go to acoustic guitar room. 3 dudes have pulled all the Martin guitars off the wall. i still dont understand the Martin. the most expensive Martin in there sounds like crap compared to my Larrivee of 1/3 the cost. just my opinion. perhaps my auditory senses were ruptured after listening to youngest Hanson brother.

6. i leave acoustic room after circa 5 min because i am already done. i just want out. upon acoustic guitar room exodus i get knocked to the floor by Eddie Van Halen who is testing out a quadruple Marshall stack at volume 11. this is what i like to call "Guitar Center Rock Star" and is available for concert at any local Guitar Center. it is a guarantee this dude is rippin pentatonic solos out with heavy distortion and wah effect 24/7.

7. i pick up the pace to a mild jog over to where you buy guitar strings. for some reason these are all behind a counter on the other side of the store from the acoustic guitar room. you sense make no. i ask for Elixir mediums. these are the best strings in existence and yes, it does matter. dude behind counter who appears to be on acid very slowly turns around, looks at the wall, then turns back and says "awww we dont carry Elixirs." i am floored. these are the best strings available and Guitar Center has always carried them. always. i almost leave. i should have looking back on it, but i didnt. instead he recommends "D'Addario's newest and best strings that are just as good as the Elixir strings and last longer." i procure. then i leave ASAP.

i get home and sometime later i restring my guitar. these strings are terrible. no comparison. do not buy them. the 9 year old Dean Markley strings i have in storage in my attic sound almost as good. i bought a 30 pack of these strings somewhere on sale and still have a few left, but they may as well be chicken wire in comparison to the Elixir strings.

conclusion: frustration, annoyance, and no more Guitar Center for me.

Time's Picture of the Week

2006-08-11T14:05:00.000-07:00

I am a big fan of TIME's Pictures of the Week section on the TIME website. Here is the link to the main photo area:

mikeandtimblog.blogspot.comistremendousinfactitismorethangood

This is the picture I voted for, not that my opinion really matters. However, my taste tends to be very good in most things. Have a good weekend.

-mikeandtim

Faith Hill Fan Club

2006-08-09T11:10:00.000-07:00

So...

A buddy of mine here at work, we'll call him "Brian" had a story at lunch today. "Brian" is a guy straight out of Good Will Hunting... tough New England guy, knows more about stuff than he lets on, loves the Pats and the Red Sox.. your typical alpha male.

Well, a couple of years back "Brian" and his wife were at a country music festival and Faith Hill was performing. "Brian" was in the 4th row and pulled out his binoculars to get a close-up on Faith. Not that that is relevant to the story, but it is funny. After the show, they made an announcement that members of the Faith Hill fan club could line up to meet her. "Brian" was upset as he thought the opportunity to meet Faith would have been a good thing.

Fast forward to Christmas that year, "Brian's" wife provides him with a membership to the Faith Hill fan club. I think this may be one of the greatest joke ideas ever. I am definitely getting a friend of mine a Clay Aiken fan club membership this year. (Maybe it will even get displayed in the BBC?!) So, the festival rolls around the next year and sure enough Faith Hill is performing again. And sure enough, "Brian" is right there in line to meet Faith. His wife is somewhat aghast, but "Brian" is clutch enough to make sure that he has his t-shirt signed with his wife's name. A good blog topic if there ever was one.

Home Recording and Buyer's Guilt

2006-08-08T09:11:00.000-07:00

Well, yesterday I plopped down some cash for some home recording studio equipment. I have been thinking about doing this for some time, but had yet to muster up the courage.

Items purchased:

Lexicon Lambda Interface- (pictured, lets you plug a guitar/microphone/keyboard in, and then run USB into your computer.

Shure SM58 Microphone- probably the most widely use performance mic ever.

Mic Cable/Mic Stand/New Guitar Strings- necessary for proper set-up.

I hooked up the equipment last night and was able to knock out a pretty good acoustic version of the song "Plush" by the end of the evening.

The problem? Buyer's guilt.

I don't really have buyer's remorse.. I like the stuff I bought and I didn't spend too much for it. However, it was largely unnecessary and was more purchased because I can't seem to let my rock star aspirations go. While the equipment may provide for some amusing mikeandtim original songs, it likely will not yield a record contract. So is it worth it? I don't know. The equipment may or may not be returned, it will depend on my guilt v platinum potential. We'll see....

civil war and my dinner two nights ago

2006-08-04T06:00:00.000-07:00

there is a quite a bit of talk regarding a possible civil war in Iraq. dont get the wrong idea here, i am not pro-war. i do however consider myself to be somewhat logical and henceforth/thenceforth wonder why this is surprising. has the U.S. not gone over to Iraq to overthrow and reform the Iraqi Government? if so, can anyone reference a single Government overthrow/reform that has not resulted (or been the result of) in a civil war? i thought this was pretty much guaranteed.

on a lighter note, the following items were eaten by me for dinner two nights ago:

half serving of jambalaya
approx 1 cup of teddy grahams
1 banana
2 bud lights
1 hot dog with ketchup and mustard
1 lunch-size make your own tuna salad on crackers
half of a cup of trail mix with yogurt covered raisins

barfing took place 21 minutes later (not really, but you would think i probably should have)

The Obvious News

2006-08-03T06:52:00.000-07:00

I am sick of the obvious being put into the news. A headline on Yahoo today reads:

"Obese people may collapse more in heat"

Initially, I thought this was kind of funny. Especially if you consider the expression "dog in heat" and go in that direction. Anyway.

Is this not obvious to everyone?! Obese people are at a disadvantage for almost anything in life other than eating competitions and staying afloat in a body of water for an extended period of time. Such a waste of time, resources, web space, etc. Do not waste my time Yahoo, or the AP, or whatever news outlet you are by reporting such stupidity. I fully expect the next few headlines to pop up this year:

"Smoking may potentially cause lung cancer"

"Exercise may improve your overall health"

"War may result in casualites"

"Drinking may lead to difficulty in driving"

"Lance Bass may be Gay".... oh wait a minute. Lance Bass IS Gay!

Aside from these things, I also think the term "morbidly obese" is probably next on the list of phrases that will be deemed politically incorrect. It is awesome though. I mean, is there even one other context in the English language where "morbid" is regularly used? Just great.

mikeandtim moment of zen

2006-07-31T07:38:00.000-07:00

Stealing a bit from the Daily Show, sometimes a picture is truly worth a 1000 words.... Can you be more hungry than this? Feed your kid! Look at the plate! My boss's daughter. Do yourself a favor and click on the picture to enlarge it. At least 2x as funny. Truly a Larkworthy.

A Weird World

2006-07-27T06:29:00.000-07:00

1) Andrea Yates- Not Guilty
I am almost without speech on this topic. Almost. If she ever, ever gets out of that mental rehabilitation clinic or whatever it is called- it will hopefully only be in a wooden box or an urn. We have completely lost our minds. It is American society that is insane- not Andrea Yates.

2) Lance Bass- Gay
Does this surprise anyone? Seriously. Why was this even news? Lance, good luck. I hope you guys have a wonderful family someday. Oh, wait a minute... only people of my ilk are "breeders".
(This is in reference to the resort town in Massachusetts where heteros have filed lawsuits after being slandered as "breeders" among other names.)

3) To do list- Funny
The people I need to talk to about ongoing projects:

Ranjan
Wilfredo
Munir

What country is this? These guys would probably each score 1000 on their SAT's. 800 Math, 200 Verbal. Learn to speak English for the last time. AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!

The Astros- 2nd half 2006

2006-07-26T07:01:00.000-07:00

Hitting. You must have hitting. How many times are we going to have to endure watching Roger Clemens pitch brilliantly only to lose? Hate it. Roy Oswalt recently made a statement to the effect that he knew once he had given up 3 runs late in the game, that it was over. And he took some heat from various media outlets in Houston. (More from Sports radio call-ins than anywhere else) But he also got a lot of support for what he said.

The Astros traded for Aubrey Huff, which is nice, but not really a huge difference maker. This is what the Astros line-up needs to look like:

2B- Craig Biggio
CF- Chris Burke/Willy Taveras
SS- Miguel Tejada/Alfonso Soriano
1B- The Big Puma (Lance Berkman)
3B- Morgan Ensberg
RF- Aubrey Huff
LF- Preston Wilson
C- Eric Munson

Off the bench: Eric Bruntlett, Luke Scott, Willy T./Burke, O. Palmeiro, B. Ausmus
Notably absent: Mike Lamb, Jason Lane

This is given a trade for either Soriano or Tejada, but this MUST HAPPEN for the Astros to realistically contend this year.

The idea? Trade Mike Lamb, Brad Lidge, and a Prospect to the Orioles for Tejada. Please Astros, before it's too late!

thanks, apple, website, and mouse ball

2006-07-18T08:49:00.000-07:00

i cant write much since i have the work of three (if you need a job in construction email me) but wanted to update a few things that are going on.

1. the comments by Mr. Bronson and Ms. Merryman on Tim's post are much appreciated. thank you both for reading our entry and responding. as a result, i have picked up a copy of Po's "What Should I Do With My Life" and am a few chapters into the book. very interesting.

2. i am now a proud owner of an Apple computer. now i am trying to figure out what the heck took me so long to get one of these things. it has only been one day, but it has been great. i setup and connected to my cable internet by literally plugging in the ethernet cable and clicking three times. total time of setup, approx 30 seconds. nice.

3. we are indeed making progress on mikeandtim.com. we have procured the rights to www.mikeandtim.com a while back, but are now working with internationally recognized web developers such as the creator of marklancaster.net (the actual mark lancaster) and we are all pretty excited about the site and where it is headed. there will be more interactive opportunities which should be delightful.

4. my dog ate a computer mouse ball. the good thing is, she eventually threw it up. two nights ago the poor little pooch was hackin like she was trying to cough up a recliner, but it was 330am and i was pretty tired so i opted out of immediate investigation. yesterday when i got home from work i crawled in her little kennel tent thingy, and guess what i found. mouse ball. have you taken one of these out of your mouse? it is a pretty heavy metal ball about the size of a shooter marble. kinda like a musket ball coated with rubber. big deal you say? especially when it is taken into consideration that she ate this a month ago and my wife's aunt's house. a month ago and she just threw it up. at the time of ingestion, she was approx 9 weeks old. amazing beast, the puppy is.

SIMPLIFYD SPELING

2006-07-17T15:22:00.000-07:00

This is from andTom, my Dad. Enjoy!

SIMPLIFYD SPELING

I have an axiom that can almost always be applied to a liberal’s logic: Take the opposite (or reciprocal) of a liberal’s premise, and you will find the truth. (1/liberalism = truth, for you math lovers.) In this regard, there is an effort underway by some to revise the spelling of most of the words in the English language in order to make them easier for children to spell. This is the topic of Darlene Superville’s article on Yahoo! News, “Push for Simpler Spelling Persists.” (7/6/06) There is no greater illustration of my axiom than in the liberal idea of “simplified spelling,” and Ms. Superville’s article will provide a good proving ground. For the premise, we need to look no further than the second sentence in Ms. Superville’s article:

“Those in favor of simplified spelling say children would learn faster and illiteracy rates would drop.”

Breaking down this opening statement, I find three premises: 1) the assertion that “simplified spelling” is what its name implies: simple; 2) that children would learn faster with “simplified spelling”; and 3) that illiteracy rates would drop if “simplified spelling” was taught. Using my simple mathematical formula for dealing with liberal logic, the resulting truth would be: 1) simplified spelling is anything but simple, 2) children’s learning would be hampered with simplified spelling, and 3) illiteracy rates would soar. But the proof is in the pudding, as they say, so allow me to examine each of these truths using a bit of common sense conservative logic. And since I am into reciprocals for the moment, I will address them in reverse order.

3) Illiteracy rates would not drop, they would soar. If our children do not learn to spell the words used in the historical English language, they will not be able to read them or pronounce them, since no “normal” English words would be recognizable. Not one book in the country is written using “simplified spelling.” (Actually, I have a book at home of Uncle Remus stories filled with phonetic spellings like “Brer”, “cuz” and “wid dat”, but I somehow don’t think it would be politically correct in today’s culture to use the book in the classroom.) This means that a child educated (indoctrinated?) in simplified spelling would never be able to read the typical novel, reference book or newspaper. Somehow, I don’t think there will be a ground swell of interest to translate every known English language book or document into “simplified English.” The bottom line: If illiteracy in children was a rocket ship, it could make it to Alpha Centauri with “simplified spelling” as its fuel.

2) Children would not learn faster; their learning would be hampered. The most obvious support for this statement is reciprocal truth #1 above: if a child cannot read or pronounce the “historical” English language, his ability to learn will be seriously handicapped. But let me add to this by introducing another axiom that can always be applied to a liberal’s logic: A liberal will typically prefer to use a bleeding-heart emotional argument instead of empirical data to support his premise. The thrust behind the teaching of “simplified spelling”, according to Ms. Superville’s journalistic research, is to help the kids who can’t seem to compete well in spelling bees. (They… “cuud do just as wel if speling were simpler.”) My heart is supposed to be touched so much at this point that I am willing to toss logic out the window. But how difficult can learning to spell English words be when foreign kids (some with immigrated parents who cannot even speak the English language well) have won our national spelling bee contests? Let’s face it: The most common reasons for spelling and learning difficulties in students are poor study habits (laziness), minimal parent input, and lackadaisical academic standards in the classroom. If a child cannot learn standardized spelling, which is reiterated in every book, magazine, and newspaper in the country, how can it be that he would learn a new language that is not reinforced anywhere else but in a liberal classroom setting? (Keep in mind we are talking about a child that is probably already academically lazy.)

Ms. Superville quotes Alan Mole, president of the American Literacy Council, as saying that learning English requires rote memory rather than logic, and that he favors an end to “illogical” spelling. So, his answer to the real causes of slow learning (lack of parent input, bad study habits and pass-them-at-all-costs school district policies) is to change the entire English language. That should help, sure. Very logical, Mr. Mole.

3) Simplified spelling will be anything but simple. Since “simplified spelling” is phonetically-driven, there would seem to be obvious problems between different areas of the country, where English words are pronounced differently. (Henry Higgins would have a field day with this.) Imagine how a person from Amarillo, Texas and a native from Brooklyn, New York would phonetically spell the word “bird”. The Texan might spell it “burd”, while the New Yorker would spell it “boyd.” Learning “burd” would make no sense to the second-grader who goes home to hear his parents saying “boyd” each day. We would need multiple phonetic spellings of each word, depending upon the area of the country in which it was taught. Moreover, how would one distinguish between two words that phonetically sound the same yet are spelled differently and have different meanings, like “red” and “read,” “bow” and “bough,” “so” and “sew”? Taken out of context, a student would not know the meaning of such words. “Simplified” English would not be simple. Far from it.

This whole idea is so potentially destructive to the education of our children and to our country that one has to wonder about the motive of those who promote it. So what do we know about Carnegie, Dewey and Shaw, well-known names “dropped” on the reader by Ms. Superville? A bit of research will reveal that all three were apparently opponents of Christianity, supporters of social Darwinism, and “internationalists” (supporters of the idea that world peace could be accomplished through the governing of powerful men). An ignorant citizenry is a citizenry more easily ruled by an “elite” group of powerful men…and simplified spelling would certainly contribute to the ignorance of our young children. I leave the rest to your “imajinaeshun”.

Tom Lancaster

7/8/06

what is the answer for Iraq?

2006-07-12T18:27:00.000-07:00

i have no idea, and i am pretty sure you don't either. yes, i know President Bush has read our blog at least thrice, but i am guessing he doesn't anymore. things have been rather busy in the White House.

i think more of us common folk should admit our ignorance regarding what we should be doing in Iraq. we do not know. how can we? i am a little beat down by the Left continuing to state (about Bush) that "he started a war based on lies" as if it is fact and not up for debate. i pulled this quote directly from the July 6 entry of Moby's journal. i suppose this statement comes from Bush's claim that Iraq had or potentially had weapons of mass destruction. we went over there and investigated, and we didn't find any. so, does that mean that Bush intentionally started this war knowing that there was no chance of finding WMD? that just does not seem logical to me. call me naive, but isnt it possible that there could be other people involved, possibly even Democrats (no, not Democrats!) who advised Bush of the situation? yes, i know Bush is responsible, but Iraq was avoiding the UN for a decade, moving suspect trailers around, hiding things underground...it is a bit suspicious. enough to start a war? not sure. how are some people so sure about this?

i think my position on the war is somewhat irrelevant, since my knowledge of what is going on over there is based strictly on television and articles in magazines. most notably, Rolling Stone, of which i no longer carry my subscription mostly due to the monthly palaver of Tim Dickinson.

the Conservative Right is no better. they seem to stand behind the administration regardless of result. the Karl Rove thing was no big deal, right? what about us never finding these alleged WMD? there are a myriad of controversialities of which the W has been linked. oh no! this is so much different than the last (insert large number here) presidents!

my issue, if i have one, is with our political system. the republicans are gaining too much power. the democrats are weak. the candidates are terrible. i guess this is because most great leaders and good solid people do not want to have anything to do with politics. super duper. last election i just could not believe that the two BEST candidates the United States had were John Kerry and George W Bush. not good America, not good.

Book Prologue

2006-07-11T00:15:00.000-07:00

I decided I would go ahead and post part of the book I am writing on the blog. Tell me what you think!

How To Be A Man In Texas- Prologue

I will go ahead and clarify that this book is not solely intended for residents of
the State of Texas, or The Nation of Texas (depending on your understanding of what Texas’ true nature is) but is instead intended for all who feel it applies to them. Namely, these would be men in America, and those who want to see them reach their potential in all that they do. I need to address a few points to clearly set up what I am about to write and why I am writing it.

The first is thinking and thought. When asked the question of whom the great thinkers of the world are, many different names may come to mind. I think of Aristotle and Plato, Kant and Locke, Jefferson and Madison, Einstein and Galileo, Augustine and Calvin, Leary and Carlin. If you’re not familiar with the last two, perhaps looking into the market of intensely abrasive comedians would help. If you’re not familiar with the first ten, stop reading this book right now and go find out which ones you don’t know. Seriously. Why are you still reading?

Some of the names I mentioned may be some of the same you were thinking of, as these men have had their thoughts and ideas published, read, considered, scrutinized, and generally evaluated in every way possible. Whether you regard many of the world’s great thinkers as bone-headed or brilliant, the bottom line is that they contemplated life, processed their interaction with it, and used their abilities to try to find answers to some of the more difficult questions in human existence.

Where have these men gone? While Denis Leary and George Carlin are still living, they are comedians. Their impact is significant in entertainment, but trivial elsewhere. Is anyone thinking out there? Most women reading this book right now are probably thinking to themselves that being a “non-thinker” is completely inapplicable to them. And most women would be right. (Sorry, I am still single as I write this and there are still women out there who do not contemplate life beyond whether they can afford a $300 pair of shoes or a $500 purse with their next paycheck.) However, women have done much to advance their place in society over the last 100 years, and generally still work harder than men to achieve an equivalent position in business or government.

This book was written because I have found myself in a relative no-man’s land. (No pun intended) The Non-Thinking Male is the status quo. Homer Simpson is the ultimate American male icon of our time. The problem is, no one cares because no one seems to know how to even begin trying to be “manly” in our postmodern society! In fact “manliness” has gone from desirable trait to direct chauvinistic association to punchline in the last 50 years. It may have been said many times, but apathy is our ultimate foe in the battle for growth and progress and there is widespread apathy in the pursuit of becoming a man. I think it is important now that I define a few terms that I am going to use extensively in writing this book.

1) A Man- n., one who recognizes and invests in his inherent masculine characteristics, to provide protection and stability to those he interacts with. This is accomplished through being an example of high ethical standards, humility, grace, courage, unselfishness, and consistency in all parts of life. A Man has inherent flaws, but uses his ability to think to identify these flaws and work to rectify them for the entirety of his life. A True Man realizes that he cannot accomplish this on his own, but that he is also ultimately responsible for his actions, and he should always act in a way that most benefits the growth and development of those around him, thinking of himself last. It should be noted that becoming a man is a continually active process, without a certain beginning and with death being its end.

2) A Male- adj., one who is born with the masculine attributes and make-up of a man. His development into a man is based upon whether or not he has enough vision to recognize how to live unselfishly and yet confidently in any situation by using the gifts given to him.

3) A Boy- n., a male who is discovering how to be a man. If he is of sound mind and body, the change from boy to man should begin to occur during adolescence for a male, and he should move toward independence toward his late teens and early 20’s. Independence is the primary indicator in the progression from Boy to Man. Treatment of women is the secondary indicator. It should be noted that many boys never become men, but all men were once boys and keep this period as a reference point for beneficial access throughout the continuance of life.

4) Good and Bad- adjs. opposing concepts that establish whether something is inherently beneficial or detrimental to the world at large. Men use their conscience to determine Good from Bad.

5) Masculine- adj., the attributes of a male that distinguish him from the female. Being true to one’s self, being honest and straightforward, having the confidence to make a decision and then deal with the consequences. Often portrayed as a negative, true masculinity is always good.

6) Texas- n. The largest state in the contiguous U.S. The only state to have once been an independent nation. A state where many men have lived. The place in the world that the author of How To Be A Man In Texas knows best. My home.

7) How To Be A Man In Texas- n. A book inspired by the men in the author’s life, his love for his country, his love for his state, his desire to see Men feel strong and free to be themselves in modern society, and his desire to bring recognition to God’s amazing creations.

As if all of those things don’t make me sound like an idiot, I am 27 years old, hardly have any money, have no children or family of my own, and carry an abysmal dating record. My qualifications being evident… let’s discuss being men…….

Response to "Will This Marriage Last?"

2006-07-04T09:29:00.000-07:00

This is a direct critique of the article on Time.com. To view this article please follow the below link:

"Will This Marriage Last?"

It seems that as a society we are not without punchlines. Whereas at points in time past we would have been hesistant to make light of certain subjects, and while I am definitely not removed from observing and commenting on life in a tongue-in-cheek style, Marriage is not a topic to take lightly. Perhaps it is ironic that I read this article a week prior to being co-officiator at my own cousin's wedding, perhaps not. I feel that the article put forth by Po Bronson and Ashley Merryman is something that represents the continuing downfall of America- in this case through "Journalism".

I am not a professional journalist. I sell industrial heating equipment. But I do have the ability to think and reason and treat some topics as having greater sanctity than that of a sporting event. Upon reading "Will This Marriage Last?" I felt as if I was reading a sports column decrying the weaknesses and championing the strengths of two teams. As an attendee and officiant of many weddings, I feel that I somewhat qualified to speak on the basis of many of the points made in the article.

This is the excerpt I will start with:

"Every wedding is haunted by that axiom, "Half of all marriages end in divorce." But it's not a random coin flip. At the time of a couple's wedding, there are factors already present that can raise the odds of divorce to as high as 70%, or lower it to nearly 20%."

We all know that a marriage will either fail or succeed. But where do these numbers of 70% and 20% come from? Why do we have to assign a statistical association to every possibility? It is absolutely pointless. There are means of statistical analysis that could probably depict tendencies for marriages to succeed or fail; but each relationship and each marriage is so incredibly different that it is insulting to assign percentages to something that most view as having a highly spiritual element. This aside, the percentages quoted in the article have no source! Again, I am not a journalist but without some sort of study to reference or scientific basis for these numbers, anything stated must be seen as completely arbitrary.

There should be some manner of journalistic integrity in writing, especially when writing for a publication as widely circulated as TIME. The lack of a cited source for statistics in this article is an embarrassment. And if these statistics have been concocted by the authors, they should be immediately dismissed from any position held with the magazine. One of the primary reasons that I wrote this is to get people to remember that journalism is fallible. Too many times we read an article like this with statistics presented as facts without questioning or checking sources and we blindly accept them as concrete. And this is not the only occasion where statistics are put forth:

"An average couple now has a 57% chance of seeing their 15th wedding anniversary."
"....a middle-class second marriage has only 3% more risk than a first marriage."
"If this couple will earn a modest $50,000 as a family, their odds of seeing their 15th anniversary jump to 68%."
"....it's been known for some time that their children are at higher risk of divorce when they marry. It's quite significant — it raises their odds of divorce by 14%."

Please cite your sources. That way we, the freak bloggers of the world can analyze the study to see if they had an agenda, what the demographics of the sample group consisted of, etc. For all we know, this could have been an informal biased survey of 15 couples in Po Bronson's neighborhood.

Before I continue to tear this article apart I must say that I do think the authors had good intentions in writing the article. Given the steep decline in marriages over the last 50 years or so (here for reference), it is good for us to be aware of some of the pitfalls that often lead to poor marriages or divorce. I even agree with them that living together before marriage guarantees no greater chance of success than not living together. But there are some general statements put forth as absolutes that definitely need to be examined.

"Being religious doesn't make a couple happier with their marriage, but it does mean they might try a little harder to stick it out."

What? How do you know whether or not being religious makes a couple happier or not? Can you even analyze that? What does "being religious" mean? This is just flat out ignorant. Being religious can only really be defined as allowing the direction of your life to be subject to the teachings of a religious system. If I am an extremely devoted follower of Allah, while my wife practices Wicca- "being religious" probably won't help us out. Individually we may be quite pious, but it really doesn't mean much if our beliefs are incompatible. You might make the case that a Muslim and a Wiccan probably wouldn't get together, but why not? "Being religious doesn't make a couple happier with their marriage" anyway. Apparently, it's a crapshoot. What they probably mean is that following in a common system of beliefs together does not insure that the couple will find harmony in their marriage, but it does increase the chances that they will continue to be devoted to one another. I think this is probably an instance of poor word choice rather than anything else, but it is so careless that it begs for proper scrutiny.

"Watch the bride and her father as they walk down the aisle. Are they tense with each other? If so, that's bad."

Again... What? I realize that this is something of a metaphor for the relationship of the bride and her father in general, but it is ridiculous. For one, most brides probably aren't even thinking about their fathers at that particular moment. There are flowers all around, candles, people staring from every direction, a dress not to trip over, an organist blaring the processional, the groom smiling from across the way.. geez! It's amazing if the bride is even aware of the fact that she is walking, much less that her father is walking with her. (No, I have never walked down the aisle as a bride. But I have been blessed with a good imagination.)

This slightly humorous position aside, where does the tension come from? If her father is thrice divorced, had alcohol problems, and cheated on his wives.. he may be a little apprehensive about seeing the daughter he loves get married. The daughter on the other hand really has found Prince Charming, even though her father hates him for his being morally upright and devoted to creating an unconditionally loving environment for his soon-to-be wife. This all stems from jealousy, but no one really understands that because the father allows his case to be stated for him through said tension. I have been to several weddings where there was some tension between bride and father, but there was overwhelming support for the couple. No one realized that the tension was truly just the father's inability to deal with his own jealousy. Should that be the basis by which we judge the potential success of a couple's marriage?

Bronson and Merryman do show how the relationship between the bride and the groom's family can help to rectify the problem of having an unstable relationship with her own father, but it is almost forgotten as a topic. It seems they would rather dwell on the negative.

Before I finish, I must say that I am very critical of weddings. WEDDINGS. Not marriages. Buildings, tuxes, dresses, food, open bar, pay bar. These are all just asides. I would encourage all people to be able to set these things aside from the marriage itself. Each marriage is incredibly unique and special and should be seen as perhaps the greatest event in both the bride and groom's lives prior to the occasion. Even beginning to speculate on the chances of a couple "making it" is incredibly disrespectful to the institution of marriage itself. If you even catch yourself thinking those thoughts, perhaps you should refocus your thoughts on prayers for the success of the couples' marriage. Do not let yourself fall into this mindset:

"Bottom line, the weddings you attend this summer are likely to have much better odds of lasting than a coin flip. That's something to relish, when the champagne has run dry and the band covers Kool & The Gang and one of the bridesmaids has run off in tears."

"The weddings you attend this summer"... as if they were a baseball game. "Better odds of lasting than a coin flip"... as if that should be even a remote matter of thought associated with marriage. Again, the wording is a problem here. The sentence should read, "Bottom line, the marriages that you witness this summer have a greater chance for success than they do failure."

My conclusion? Between the poor wording, poor thought, and poor lack of statistical references it is little wonder that it was co-authored by "Po" Bronson. Despite having some good intentions, this article falls on its face in the attempt at having any sort of journalistic or editorial merit.

penguins

2006-07-03T09:47:00.000-07:00

most of us could identify a penguin. they are typically found in cold climates. they are flightless birds that look to be wearing the tuxedo. they have short legs with webbed feet and can endure the harshest of climates. they are amazing animals, sometimes going months without food. however, there are penguins amongst the populace. they live in houses, apartments, perhaps even condominiums. they are the human version of the penguin. this nickname of penguin comes from the first identified penguin. he kinda has the stature and posture of a penguin, that being the first and most obvious characteristic. he also has a unique pitch of voice which is somewhat close to that of a penguin bawk. they typically talk quite a bit about their past, making unusual claims and frequently going on diatribes that are mostly, if not entirely versed in cliches. they tend to bawk out orders instead of handling tasks on their own and like to talk a lot. when they do put their beak to the grindstone, it is usually in tasks that they enjoy doing but are not good uses of their time, often an actual waste of time. penguins often stand with their hands on their hips, except for one distinction - they invert their hands which gives an appearance of a flipper. they also probably liked to spend large amounts of time in the nude when they were in Jr High and High School sports locker rooms. the reason for this has not been confirmed, although the speculation is they just like to make others uncomfortable and think by exposing their Dr. Dingle that he shows he is being a man by not caring about being unclothed. rumor has it that the penguin will only wear "Tighty Whities" but no sane human is willing to try and confirm this.

penguins often talk about how great they were in the past, usually in an academic or athletic sense. they are masters of palaver, often wasting hours of time bawking of the good ol days or details that are completely irrelevent which they ramble on because they think it makes them look smarter. they have a strange blend of positive encouragement coupled with public degradation. penguins misuse words in the english language frequently, again with the intention of sounding intelligent. outrageous claims by penguins may or may not include the following: inventing concepts, inventing assorted gadgetry, inconsequential innovations, plagiarism, thievery of good work, post-graduate education that cannot be confirmed, being knighted by the Queen of England, and being nominated for various Nobel prizes. in short, they speak of nonsense and are quirky, ornery little folk.

you know these penguins are out there. be aware.

People: Getting Dummer

2006-06-30T08:38:00.000-07:00

To start, yes, I intentionally misspelled dumber. And yes, I did lose the 3rd grade Glen Loch spelling bee on the word dumbbell. Damn the double b.

There is an article on the Rolling Stone website that is an interview with Al Gore regarding his movie "An Inconvenient Truth". The movie is about global warming.. blah blah blah. Anyway, this blog is not about global warming, but I am fairly confident in saying that the official mikeandtimblog.blogspot.com position on global warming is that human beings have an almost insignificant effect on the global climate compared to nature itself.

On to dumness...

I was reading through the "thread" of responses to the article (surprisingly, most of the responses were from positions and opinions that I agreed with) and one of the statements stuck out at me. Without quoting it verbatim, the idea put forth was that we are becoming more intelligent as a people through the ages.

My contention: Wrong. We are getting dummer.

The evidence is everywhere. We think that all of our technological developments are advancements- when in truth many of them just make us more fragile as a society. Could you imagine what it would be like if some hacker gained control to the databases of any major financial institution? One little hack- boom- world goes into complete chaos. My cell phone goes out, I'm screwed. My car breaks down... stuck. Yeah, we are brilliant. And don't give me any of your firewall BS you computer geeks... if a system is built by a human, it can be taken apart by a human.

We think that our medicine heals diseases- yeah it does. But it also gets abused and misdiagnosed in new ways all the time. We even create medicines to help ailments that don't need medicine. Such an advanced society- medicating ourselves to fight depression, medicating ourselves to help us pay attention. Unbelievable. Then we have diseases like AIDS that are incurable, but preventable, and we just go... "Eh, no big deal. I'll just go have sex with whomever. Consequences ain't no thang." Geez we are smart.

America is also dum. Every major empire in the world fell apart as it became more and more immoral. Now we are witnessing the decline of America as the world superpower amidst our own moral decay and we wonder why. Once again, brilliance.

Some of you may be thinking... "Well.. just because we are more knowledgeable doesn't mean that we're more intelligent." And some of you may have a point. I think at BEST we are more knowledgeable and the same intelligence. But it is more likely that we are getting dummer. When you have the same intelligence as those before you and make the same mistakes... that is dum. When you worship celebrities and reality shows... that is dum. When every hip-hop video has exactly the same content and lyrics... that is dum. When we keep finding out how infinitely complex and yet harmonious the universe is and we say that that has happened by chance... that is dum.

So in conclusion, we are getting dummer.

Movie Review: Walk the Line

2006-06-28T07:52:00.000-07:00

yes, i am the last person to see this movie. i just watched it last night. correction - i watched the first 1 hr 45 min monday night, then finished the last 25min or so last night. whoever said this movie is the whitey version of "Ray" is not only funny but also pretty accurate. except this movie was not as good as Ray. i didnt really like the movie that much. it is slow and about half an hour too long, minimum. both Phoenix and Witherspoon had award worthy performances, but the rest of the movie was average. scenery could have been better, dialouge needed work, cinematography was average. i got bored pretty early in this movie. the last 20 min were quite a bit better, after he makes a change for the better, but otherwise this movie did not live up to the hype for me.

Grade: B- (it gets into the B range only because the acting is good enough to raise it above a C.)

enough with the Noni

2006-06-27T08:21:00.000-07:00

on my way to work this morning i saw three cars with giant magnets advertising Noni juice on them. i see these things all the time. in fact, there are two vehicles in our parking lot at work that have such magnets on them. this Noni must be the most amazing stuff on the planet. does it increase the size of your genitalia or something? i am more than half serious with that question. what is so great about the Noni? what is the Noni? is it a fruit? veggie? some form of elixir made from the one and only known Noni plant located in a cave by a waterfall in Tahiti? this better be some good stuff for all this advertisement.

what about these people that promote the Noni? why put a magnet on your car? perhaps the Noni is a sponsor for some kind of sports team that you are cheering for, like the Tahitian Noni Juice Goblins soccer club? i am pretty sure these Noni magnet people do not get any commission for the Noni sales, or i am guessing not, because there is an 800 number on the Noni magnet to call if you want to buy the Noni. surely they cannot track down Noni sales due to people seeing your Noni car magnet, then dialing on their cell phone while driving thinking to themselves "man, i gotta get me some of that Noni!" or do they? does the Noni even exist? perhaps it is some kind of secret club and they identify themselves under the cover of Noni. then, if you call the 800 number, some deep scary monster just fears you into buying Noni. so many speculations regarding the Noni. what would be really funny is if people just buy the Noni magnets as a prank, then just put them on random cars in parking lots. i would go for that.

i may have to go buy a bottle of Noni at the store and try it, just to know what all this hype is about. thats it! thats the scam! all these advertisers just so every person ends up buying one bottle of Noni to see what the hype is about, thus increasing sales on something that probably gives you explosive rhea circa 90 seconds after drinking. no thanks. i wont have it. anti-Noni. no Noni. sans Noni.

A Dumbass and A Hundred Thousand Miles

2006-06-24T12:23:00.000-07:00

I normally would not use such language on a blog, but look at the picture. 10 more feet? You couldn't move the cart 10 more feet into the actual cart holding area? And you left it directly behind my car?! Whomever came up with the term dumbass had this in mind. Unbelievable.

This celebrates the 100,000th mile for my car as well. 2002 Mazda Protege5. Congratulations buddy. May you travel another 100,000 and never have another problem.

Dallas = Wienerville and Beck = Great

2006-06-21T22:15:00.000-07:00

Dallas is officially wienerville. There are many other ways to say it, but that one is somewhat politically correct.

I could not believe how many people did NOT lose their minds at the Beck show last night. Granted it was Wednesday, but c'mon. I was there in the pit with buddies Mike, Zack, and Thomas and the lame Dallas crowd could not get excited. What is the point of going to see someone like Beck if you're not going to dance and jump around? Have you heard a Beck song?

Anyway, the whole "I am too cool for jumping around during E-Pro because I don't want chicks to see me look crazy" is gross. Suck it up Dallas. All of you German sedan/Tahoe driving little yuppites need to get a clue. You are in a state of suck, you will have to work hard to overcome it.

On a positive note, Beck was tremendous. Marionettes, Dinner Party Percussion Half Hour, Fighting Guys in Bear Costumes, Lots of Hits, and a token Dancing Dude. He is truly unique as an artist in America. Next time, maybe I'll actually get to see him in front a crowd more focused on the music than whether the token Dallas girl next to them will think them uncool by showing any excitement or slight movement of the hips during a particularly funky Beck breakdown.

reading books and writing crap

2006-06-19T21:04:00.000-07:00

so, how are ya? nice, thats super. just a warning, but this post is pretty aimless and you may want to get a pillow and blanky for some time in the middle when you fall asleep due to boredom.

as you may or may not know, i occasionally read books. most of us do, well, most of us near genuises/scientists do anyway. you should read more. my stepbrother read a ton when he was younger, and he is a beast at the trvial pursuit. knows more history than anyone else i have ever met. so, if nothing else, read so you can dominate at trivial pursuit. solid.

anyway, i have been reading some. just finished Brave New World by Aldous Huxley, written in the early 1900's. maybe 1930's maybe the 50's. i dont really remember. good book though. it is rather futuristic, talks about the mass production of people in a controlled "happy" environment and the contrast of the "savages" that are not integrated with their society. rather interesting, and genius thoughts throughout. i would recommend to someone who likes to read books. especially literary works of high quality. which brings me to the next book i am reading.

i started the Da Vinci Code about a week ago. this book is far from a literary masterpiece. it is written somewhat poorly and reads more like a screenplay than a book. i am only 24 chapters into the Da Vinci Code, and although it holds interest and is a page turner, it reminds me of another Clive Cussler type Dirk Pitt adventure. it is interesting and i am sure when i am finished with it i will have more thoughts and be more impressed with it, but at this point it just seems like another action/adventure/mystery novel. there must be some reason it has wicked popularity acclaim though so i should probably hold my tongue until i finish reading.

on another note, i have also been aspiring to write a book just like andTim has offered his thoughts on such. mine however will most likely be about a kid trying to find his lost BigWheel and may or may not include stick figure illustrations. or maybe i will write a book about the strategery of paper/rock/scissors. it is pretty late right now and it shows doesnt it? andTim is in Chicago right now by the way, so if you happen to be in the windy city you may want to try and contact him.

so-fake-lookin-i-look-like-a-wax-figure

2006-06-16T13:28:00.000-07:00

first nomination goes to James Brown. is he not? then i request you take a look at the picture below.

case closed. there is no rebuttal.

the best burger in the universe

2006-06-15T15:25:00.000-07:00

yes. i have found it. the location is pictured at right. actually the picture is from the drive thru in the back, but you get the idea.

i was pretty sure i found it a while back, but had to confirm after multiple visitory taste testings. the location is known as "Billy Bob's Hamburgers" and is located in Hondo, TX. go ahead and comment with your "In-N-Out" Animal-Style burger, your Fuddrucker's A-1 burger, your metrosexual Kobe Beef burger, or your Cheeseburger in Paradise, but i am telling you, this is the best burger out there. i have had all of the aforementioned, and the actual Billy Bob makes a better burger.

here is me eating the burger. the burger is called "The 3-Alarm Burger." it is made with soft tasty bun, two beef patties, multiple slices of cheese, sliced fresh green chiles, tabasco, a little onion, lettuce, tomato, mayo, ketchup, mustard, and two or three pickles. it is so delectable, words do not describe. my wife and i go to Billy Bob's for burgers when we go out to the annual family trip to the river in the Texas Hill Country, and this burger is so bueno that we stop pretty much ever time we drive by the place. which is once or twice a year, but each time is just as delicious as the first.

How To Be A Man In Texas

2006-06-14T12:40:00.000-07:00

That is the title of the second "book" I have decided to write. The first one, well it is still in the works- let's just stay that it is being put on hold until I have the inspiration to finish it. Right now HTBAMIT is taking priority.

Really the book is about being a man anywhere, but given that most of my life has been spent in Texas and that Texas has its own identity and culture, I thought it might be more fun to direct the writing toward people and places I know best.

So, faithful blog readers... here is where you come in. I am looking for what defines masculinity to you. Not to others, but for you- and yes, this is for the female readers of mikeandtimblog.blogspot.com. I have several hypotheses that I am writing from, but it would be interesting to see how "on-target" I am with some of the thinking that is serving to inspire the book.

If the Walkman was the inspiration for the first book, then Homer Simpson might be considered the inspiration for the second book. And no, I am not about to deify Homer Simpson. Although the Simpson's is a great show. And funny. And has good theme music. Okay, back to real work.

My First Triathlon

2006-06-13T12:01:00.000-07:00

(Sorry to regular readers whom I've already talked to about the triathlon. I know that most of you would only care if I actually did something impressive, like scale Everest on a pogo stick while singing "The Sound of Music".)

My first triathlon (andTim) was about a week and half ago, and altogether it went well. It was a small triathlon in Grapevine, TX with only about 100 participants. Due to my estimated swim time I was given #17, which scared me due to swimming being my weakest of the 3 disciplines. With a big "yee-haw" I entered the pool and proceeded to pass 2 people. Feelin' good at this point. My transition to the bike was slow, but I think I've got it figured out for my next race. No socks, and pre-clip shoes to bike. That way you are at least moving while putting on your shoes instead of standing still.

The bike was going well, I passed two more people and was doing pretty well stamina-wise even though the course had a lot more elevation changes than I was used to. At one point I'm cruising along when I hear a race official ahead of me yell out, "Minute Twenty behind the leader, Minute Twenty!" I don't know how to react. I'm somewhat excited because I'm near the front, but maybe I had just burned up all of my energy at this point and I was going to die during the run. Anyway, I lean over the aerobars and put my head down and proceed to fly right through the turn. About .5-.6 miles later I realize.. there is no one around, and I don't think this is right. Upon turning around and trucking back to the turn I hear apologizing, "I tried to yell at you, I tried!" from said race official. At this point I am both pissed off and a bit winded.

I finish the bike and head out on my run, which suprisingly went well. 6:52 pace. Rockin. Overall I end up in 24th place, which could have easily been 10-14th places without the extra mile plus of biking. I am already pretty pumped about my next triathlon as my next phase of training started yesterday. Ironman here I come.

Time and Theology

2006-06-11T16:09:00.001-07:00

Perhaps the most interesting topic for me in theological study is the dimension of time. When covering Soteriology this past spring (the study of salvation) there was a lot of discussion in class about predestination, foreknowledge, and free will. Of course we evaluated questions about the nature of God's love and omniscience, questions like "How can God be perfectly just and loving if he creates some people knowing they are going to Hell?"

While it is very difficult to answer a question like that properly, there is one huge element to considering God that we often forget: He is not bound by time. Time is something that we are restricted by, not God. It is odd to think that at the moment we come into being, God already knows everything about us. Our birth and our death occur simultaneously in a plane where Time is not a fixed boundary. While we are confined to thinking about everything in terms of a beginning, middle, and end (or past, present, and future) God exists at all time, all the time. It's really difficult to work your mind around, and ultimately we are incapable of complete understanding simply due to our finite minds. Time is one of the only things that applies to everyone equally all at the same time and we have no control over. (Gravity is one of the only other things that comes close.) It shapes our theology and our understanding of God more than anything else. Yet the interesting thing is, that while time has such a major effect on our lives and our understanding, it is something that God is not bound by whatsoever.

This is an area and a topic without any very specific answers or conclusions that we can come to, but it is something that we should definitely meditate on and consider deeply. When we begin to see God myopically or unidimensionally, perhaps we should consider that the most restrictive dimension in our earthly lives is one that our heavenly father created, moves through, and interacts with without restriction.

miami heat nba champs?

2006-06-08T12:53:00.001-07:00

not a chance. in fact, i predict that the Mavs will sweep the Heat. yes, you heard it here first. lets go down some factoids for support.

1. miami has no one player that can guard the mop haired German destruction artist
2. shaq is old and tired (i love shaq, but lets face facts here)
3. dwyane wade is somewhat hurt and has had flu-like symptoms recently. plus, he doesnt know how to spell his first name correctly.
4. dallas shoots approx 14% better from the free throw line. this is a big deal.
5. dallas plays defense. the only player on the heat that plays D is Alonzo Mourning
6. avery johnson could take pat riley in a battle to the death
7. keith van horn has unparalleled rebounding technique

sure, i am a dallas homer. the only reason this wont be a sweep is if the officials are told to call a bunch of fouls on Mavericks players to get Dampier/Diop/Van Horn so Shaq can dominate and thus extend the series for ratings. go Mavs. win a title for all of your metrosexual fans.

McManders throws the challenge flag

2006-06-06T07:48:00.000-07:00

how are ya? been a while since the last posting. how bout this though...i tried really hard to get a covert ops picture of our boy McManders last night, but mission was aborted when he nearly caught me. he probably saw me, i actually had to play like i was doing something else to divert attention from the camera. i will get one and post it, dont worry.

long blog ahead, but hopefully a decent read...

McManders paid us a visit yesterday evening. to preface, i got home circa 6:15pm from work, went inside and said hello to wife and Macy the dog, then went outside and turned my sprinkler on. if you recall old posts, the lawn sprinkler of mine is my nemesis # 1. it is kind of a pain in the hindquarters, since i have to uncoil the hose from behind the bushes, angle the sprinkler, and turn the hose on and hope to avoid getting sprayed. i live in north texas, in the dallas area and we have restrictions on when we can water our yards since it has been dry up here. well, about 10min after i turned the sprinkler on, the doorbell rings. it is Old Man McManders. i open the door and say hello, which throws him off since he was on a mission. here is the approximate dialogue that took place...

McManders: Ya know...you're breaking the law.
Mike: What do you mean?
McManders: You are watering your yard with a sprinkler, and that is against the law. You are only allowed to water on Sundays and Thursdays.
Mike: Really? I am pretty sure I can water using my hose-end sprinkler any time after 6pm until 10am in the morning.
McManders: No, you cannot. You are breaking the law and there are big fines for that. The city is tough on watering and you could get a big fine.
Mike: Well, I certainly don't want to break the law or be fined. I may have misunderstood the city regulations but I really think that I am ok watering right now. I will have to call the city to confirm. (I know McManders already reported my yard for needing to be mowed, a ridiculous accustation, but I don't want to piss him off since he is basically the neighborhood tattler.)
McManders: I already called the lady on the corner (we refer to her as the Tamale Lady) and she said I was right, then I called the City and they said it is against the law too. (Old man grunt/heavy breathing) You are breaking the law. You can water with just a hose anytime, but not with a sprinkler on the end, that can get you a fine.
Mike: Well I appreciate you letting me know that. I really think I am ok, but I am going to go call the City right now and ask them because the last thing I want is a fine or to do something I shouldn't be doing.
McManders: Yeah, (grunt) ok. Let me know if you find out anything different. Ok now. (Slowly walks back home)

now i was fired up. i was calm about it, but i was just hacked that now this pretty much confirms that he called the city on my yard, and he is the neighborhood behavior nazi. i was pretty sure i was in the right too, as i had looked up watering restrictions somewhat recently. so i go straight to the computer and look it up to find the below...

"Hose-end Sprinkler, soaker hose, drip irrigation: Watering prohibited 10am - 6pm daily"

i was so excited. i was actually right and McManders was wrong! i can water my yard every day after 6pm if i want to!! so, of course i had to print out the schedule, highlighted the applicable portions and walked it over to his house to discuss. it was my first time inside the evil lair of McManders. it was crazy. right when you first walk in the door there is a cage-elevator that takes you down approximately one mile underground to a poorly lit cave with a torch lit path. he walked in front of me until we reached an area where it opened up a bit and you could see streams of radioactive goo that flowed into a huge steel vat labeled "Super-Secret Super-Good Grass Growth Nectar." i knew he reported my lawn because he was jealous it was actually starting to look better than this. i am not sure why we went down there, McManders never said a word. then we took a different elevator back up to ground level into his almost all white, sterile looking living room with white furniture and translucent wall hangings. i gave him the highlighted sheet i printed out, discussed with him, and he gave in, saying "well, i guess i learned something today, didn't know you could do that." i was super nice and polite to him the whole time, but don't think i wasn't watching his every move. that McManders is one sneaky fella. after our talk he thanked me and i went back home with a big grin on my face.

mike - 1
mcmanders - 0

Songs For Occasions

2006-06-02T10:35:00.000-07:00

Well- I haven't blogged in a bit, and it has been brought to might attention that we need to blog more often. I agree.

Here are my "Songs for Occasions". There is only one that cannot be stolen.

Favorite "Starting a Long Road Trip Song" - Intro and Words by Doves

Favorite "End of a Mix Album Song" - Motorcycle Drive-by by Third Eye Blind

Favorite "Week Of Work Is Done And I'm Going To Have Fun Song" - Jailhouse by Sublime

Favorite "Air Drums Song" - Breaking The Girl by The Red Hot Chili Peppers

Favorite "Melancholy Driving Alone At Night Song" - Hopefully by My Morning Jacket

Favorite "I'm Pissed-Off And Want To Inflict Damage On Someone Song" - War Within A Breath by Rage Against The Machine

Favorite "I Dance Really Well For A White Guy And I'm Going To Show Everyone Songs" - Get Ur Freak On by Missy Elliott and Like I Love You by Justin Timberlake

Favorite "I Want To Let My Mind Float Off Into Really Weird Places Song" - Where I End And You Begin by Radiohead

Favorite "Slow Dance On A Beach Song" - Frenchman For The Night by Jimmy Buffett

Favorite "If I Don't Know Someone And Want Them To Think I Am A Psycho Song" - Sarcophagi by The Mars Volta

Favorite "If I Ever Get Married And Have A First Dance With My Wife Song" - Sparks by Coldplay (no thievery por favor)

Favorite "I Want To Feel Inspired Song" - Theme From Good Will Hunting

Favorite "My Subwoofer Is Amazing When I Play This Song Song" - Setting Sun by The Chemical Brothers

Favorite "Travel Song Across Western Europe" - Undo by Bjork

Favorite "I'm Carefree And In High School Again Song" - Surfwax America by Weezer

Favorite "Gettin' Ready To Go On A Date Song" - High And Dry by Jamie Cullum (Radiohead Song)

Favorite "God Created Rock N' Roll And That's Why I Love It Song" - Voodoo Chile by Jimi Hendrix

city citations courtesy of Old Man McManders

2006-05-23T20:09:00.000-07:00

let me tell you a little story about Old Man McManders. see, McManders is rather old. he is also a man. it is not known whether this has anything to do with his name being Old Man McManders, so your guess is as good as mine. he and his alleged wife, Mrs. McManders live next door to us. they appear sweet and elderly (80+ years of age) but now that we have lived here for about a year, the McManders have retracted all mercy and kindness. by the way, their last name may or may not be McManders, i just made it up because it sounds terrific since he is an Old Man and his name is unknown. henceforth, "Old Man McManders." to give you a visual, he looks like any of the old dudes that were hiding under giant monster costumes in the old Scooby Doo cartoons when Fred and/or Velma de-masked the villain. old, wrinkly, and old. not to mention elderly.

about 3 weeks ago, my yard was getting to the point where it needed to be mowed. my wife was outside, and Mrs. McManders approached her in our front yard. i was at work or something, not really sure. she asks if we would like Old Man McManders to start mowing and edging our yard for us. my wife says "no thanks, my husband actually likes being outside and taking care of the yard, but we appreciate the offer." a very true statement. i do like being outside and taking care of the yard. it is a nice time. plus, now that i have rid the property of nemesis # 2 and its evil bunny children of mayhem, my grass looks great and we have a pretty lovely lookin yard. anyway, Mrs. McManders pushes the issue a bit and says they could really use the money and Old Man McManders would be interested in doing it. again, my wife respectfully declines. a little weird, but we kinda forget about it.

well, we forgot about it until this past weekend when i went out and got saturday's mail. i was feeling pretty relaxed, ready for a lazy sunday after church, when i come across a letter from the Homeowner's Association. FYI, the Homeowner's Association in most cases is an organization that basically does nothing except email you once a month about a bunch of worthless crap and neighborhood bally-hoo that no one attends or cares about. i wasnt really expecting any worthless Homeowner's Association mail, but i open it. it reads something to the effect that homeowners are "required to adhere to certain deed restrictions and architectural guidelines" and eventually the critical line towards the bottom reads "Your yard needs maintenance...Please mow and edge your yard on a regular basis."

oh really? i will tell you this...i mow the yard once a week. perhaps i have let it go till a tuesday causing a 9-day between mowings calendar. this has happened one time. are you thinking what i am thinking? Old Man McManders has declared war on my yardscape. yeah, he must have. a little bitter that we wouldnt pay his old timer retired self to come mow my yard. not my fault he isnt good enough at crossword puzzles and/or sudoku to have something to do during the day instead of bitterly call the homeowner's association and report my yard as being in need of maintenance. our yard has and has always been in the 90th percentile of nice lookin yards since we moved in. i am pretty hacked about this, so i will counterattack by declaring a "Yard-Off" between me and Old Man McManders. yeah, you heard me McManders. i will even unsecure my network so you can tap into my WiFi and log on to mikeandtim for this one time just so you are aware of the Yard-Off. i challenge you, McManders, to compete with me on who can have the better groomed and better lookin yard. i mowed my yard last week on tuesday, and mowed it again on sunday, edged it again, watered, and fixed some fence. bring it oldtimer, you cant hang with me you filthy tattletailin whiney hooligan! yeah! you are the hooligan! how you like that Old Man McManders?!?

chad smith = will ferrell

2006-05-19T20:15:00.000-07:00

which one is which?

so maybe it is pretty obvious considering chad smith is holding drumsticks. but still, lets face facts here. these two guys are the same dude.

name mike's dog

2006-05-18T21:21:00.000-07:00

yes friends, you now have the ability to name mike's new puppy. we picked our puppy out from a breeder tonight south of Fort Worth and as you can see, she is pretty cute. she is a golden retriever and is 6 weeks old in this picture. now you can name her...if your name is good. please see photo above and propose a name in the comments...

guest blog by reader "Ben"

2006-05-17T13:18:00.000-07:00

7:30pm May15th, 2006
Hilton Hotel New Orleans, LA.
--------------------------------

"Ben" enters hotel and walks to the desk to check in.

At the end of the check-in process an athletic looking male in "work-out" clothes interrupts the cute check-in lady and asks "do you have a hot tub".

She says yes it is outside by the pool.

He says thanks and leaves.

"Ben" finishes the check in and walks to the elevator and joins the "hot tubber" on the elevator.

Being the funny person that "Ben" is he says; "I heard you ask her where the hot tub is, but you forgot to tell her what time to meet you there."

After which "Ben" laughs while the "hot tubber" chuckles uncomfortable and says, "nah man, I'm too tired for all that, I gotta go relax"

"Ben" then says with genuine curiosity, "why are you so tired?"

The "tubber" responds, "mini-camp man"

"Ben" quips, "Oh, for what?"

The "tubber" astonished I did not know, "The Saints man"

"Ben" "oh, cool, you guys had a good draft this year" exits elevator. Wondering to himself if he will ever see this young man playing for the Saints....

Upon photo identification the hot tubber was confirmed as Reggie Bush.

--

80 MPH Speed Limit

2006-05-17T09:31:00.000-07:00

YES!!!

Texas Legislators are considering a bill to raise the state speed limit on certain highways to 80 mph. I love it. In part because, well, I am adolescent enough to really enjoy driving fast. But, let's look at this realistically. Here are a few reasons why this is a good idea, and a way to debunk the detractors.

1) Average Horsepower Increase
The average horsepower for vehicle in 1980 was around 100. By 1995 the average had increased to an average of 150 hp. By 2004 the average had increased to 227 hp! Most people realize the huge jump in power and thus the jump in fuel efficiency at high speed. Let's put it this way... engine rpm's are usually the best indicator of fuel economy. If you were constantly running your 6-cylinder engine at 4500 rpm, it probably would not get great gas mileage. That's likely what would happen with a V6 sedan at 80 mph circa 1985. However, most V6 sedans produced within the last 10 years probably see between 2000 and 3000 rpm at 80 mph. Test it out. With cruise control on 80 mph, your car probably gets 90-95% of its optimum gas mileage. The average vehicle is also much more aerodynamically sound than those of 20 years ago. Have you seen a mid-80's Buick recently? Yikes.

2) Brakes
The brakes in the average vehicle have improved by leaps and bounds over the last 20 years. Newer cars even have sensors that auto-detect rapid approach to slow your car should you have a lapse of attention or whatnot. We can brake from speed at much shorter distances than we have ever been able to before.

3) Airbags and Overall Safety Equipment
Better headlights, better seatbelts, "smart" airbags, side airbags, better bumpers. Our cars are the safest they have ever been by a huge margin. Volvo doesn't even bother to advertise it's safety standards anymore because they aren't significant anymore. Every carmaker has caught up. Even GM.

There are lots of arguments to be had here, from the increased use of cell phones and the vast array of entertainment features that distract drivers as negatives, to the above positives. Are people not already routinely averaging 75-85 mph on most highways? All I am saying is that the excuse "I had no idea I was going that fast" is more valid now than ever. With the quiet, power, and safety of our vehicles, going 80 mph is just the beginning of where our speed limits should go. Now, if we can just forego cars altogether and focus on high-speed rail travel.

bumper stickers in the wooded nowheres

2006-05-16T20:57:00.000-07:00

its late, so this will not be a long post. just figured i would drop that caveat before you got overly-excited for a late night ramble blog. we probably need more of those though.

my wife and i were out looking for a golden retriever puppy tonight near Tyler, TX. ever been to Tyler? i am pretty sure there are more signs in spanish than english, which i find strange since it is pretty far from the border, but whatever. we didnt even go to the actual Tyler tonight but we went about 30 miles north of Tyler out to the "boonies". i was actually worried that we might have gone so far into the actual boonies that there were no ways out. we made it out though, which is good.

anyway, we were trying to find this breeder and are going further and deeper and further into the woods when we pass the home of where we need to be going. so i figure i will make the U-turn at the next available driveway. and oh did i. it was a rather slow turnaround because we were incessantly giggling at a bumper sticker we saw on the vehicle in the "driveway" we turned in to turn around. right in front of us was one of those vans with a ladder on the back, and in each window there was a bumper sticker that read...

"I LOVE CORNBREAD"

actually it said I (heart) cornbread. we pretty much giggled every 5 min from then till we got home tonight. i mean...cornbread? really?

alright, time for bed. its late and we must go see another doggie breeder who is 90min outside of the DFW again tomorrow after work. oh yeah, go mavs. if i have time tomorrow i will write about a special interactive opportunity for you, the reader, and the intense intra-house rivalry between me and my wife in relation to NBA basketball.

how great (or terrible) is America?

2006-05-15T20:04:00.000-07:00

it kinda depends on who you ask is suppose. take for example...

case one:
the ultra-liberal President Bush hater. not happy about the new border containment proposal with the use of the National Guard. not happy about there only being a few states where homosexual marriages are recognized. not happy about the defense spending. really not happy about the war in Iraq. not happy about the environmental stance of the current administration. basically doesnt support anything that is currently going on in this country unless it directly opposes George Bush.

case two:
the 45 year old mexican that risks death in a refrigerated truck to cross the border to hopefully find a minimum wage job so that he/she can support a family and/or send money back home to help others get legitimate citizenship and enjoy the benefits of living in America. happy about having a job. happy about the opportunities that await. happy about the chance that they may never have wicked bad diarrhea ever again from drinking water out of the tap. happy about maybe running for office one day and being mayor of a town in which they began a new chapter of family legacy.

the funny thing is...these people are supposedly on the same team. in general, both of these people would typically prefer the platform of the democrat. baxter...you know i dont speak spanish...

The Red Hot Chili Peppers

2006-05-12T11:23:00.000-07:00

This is my no disclaimer all out expression of love for the Red Hot Chili Peppers.

Their new album is great. Stadium Arcadium- cool name, great sound. I have loved the Chili Peppers for a long time, in fact one of the revolutionary moments of my life was the first time I saw the video for "Give It Away". And I don't think "revolutionary" is too strong a term. The dancing, the hair, the tattoos, the music... it all spoke to me. Out of all the musicians and genres of music out there, I definitely feel the most attached to the Peppers.

Their early stuff was deeply influenced by the fun aspects of rock n' roll- Hendrix and punk-based, jump around the room, go crazy. Heck, one of their most popular early songs was called "Get Up And Jump". And when you hear the song, you actually want to do just that. One of the more underestimated forces in rock is the funk sound. With George Clinton producing and having a bass player who was a trumpet prodigy, their early sound lacked the dark, menacing aspects of heavy metal or grunge without losing any integrity due to lack of intensity.

They have never taken themselves seriously unless they had to. They are a party band first, playing shows only wearing sock. (Emphasize the singular "sock") It's unfortunate that they ever discovered heroin. They are the beauty and the debauchery of California at the same time. California is an idea that both drives and dictates the sound and concept of the Chili Peppers. Between the Beach Boys and The Chili Peps, California has a soundtrack that defines a very unique place.

Musically... my goodness. John Frusciante is an inferno. He joined the Chilis when he was only 18. Flea is probably one of the top 5 rock bassists of all-time and his sound helps define what makes the Peppers unique. And just ask Mike about Chad Smith's snare drum. I think he could write a blog just about the recorded sound of that drum. Anthony Kiedis' lyrics are a mix of fun-rap-seussical non-sense on the fun songs, deep and introspective on the heavier songs. They define rap-rock. They define alternative rock along with the Smashing Pumpkins, Jane's Addiction, Sonic Youth, the Pixies, and others.

Above all, the Chili Peppers are committed to their craft. It is their lives. They create iconic images and sounds which will influence generations. They are party anthems ("Aeroplane") and cold hungover mornings ("Road Trippin'"). They are sweaty, freaky, rollicking insanity ("Higher Ground") and honesty ("I Could Have Lied") at the same time. Stadium Arcadium is perhaps the ultimate statement for the Peppers, and one that should cement their place as one of the best bands of the last 20 years.

4th Place is The First Loser & Aliens, Robots, and Mutants

2006-05-08T07:48:00.000-07:00

This weekend was supposed to be the big Triathlon. (Well, big for those of us who are not professional triathletes and just want to brag to friends that WE can swim, bike, AND run.) Alas, the weather did not cooperate as the swim and bike were cancelled. So we had a 5K fun run. I was hanging in the back with some friends where I thought that we would kind of just have fun. Well, shortly after the race began we began to get separated and about a 1/2 mile into the race I started to go. My time? Right around 22 minutes for what was apparently 3.2 miles. Respectable, but not fast.

The disappointment?

The 1st-3rd place winners in each age group won prizes. I got 4th. Are you kidding me? If I had known there were prizes on the line I would have booked it! Anyway, there will be more triathlons as the summer progresses, and hopefully no more 4th place finishes.

Mission Impossible III was good. Not great. Entertaining, a few good little plot twists- basically what I was expecting. The first one is still the best- a really great script.

I think we have actually gotten to the point where the only feasible action heroes in the future will be Aliens, Robots, and/or Mutants. At some point the ridiculous stunts that are portrayed in the genre are going to exceed the audience's willingness to suspend disbelief. If we take a look at some recent and current action flicks- I, Robot (Will Smith is part bionic, a more "human" robot plays the sub-hero), the X-Men trilogy (a fun take on mutated genes- although there is NO proof of beneficial mutations ever happening in human history- bring it Darwinites), and the upcoming "new" Superman movie (Superman is an alien after all) we realize that we are getting to the end of what we actually expect humans to be able to do.

I propose someone make a movie whose main character is an alien sent to Earth for what other reason- to save Earth from evil HUMAN forces. However, the alien's parents in their far away galaxy fail to properly study "War of The Worlds" and their little infant immediately faces life threatening conditions upon encountering the utter filth of the viruses on our planet. Fortunately, he is discovered by a renegade biologist/mechanical engineer who gets a chance to test out his borderline insane theories and inventions on his newfound child- but- all as a benevolent gesture. (So as to end comparisons to Dr. Banner, Bruce Banner's pops in the Hulk). Due to changes in the earth's atmosphere brought about through gases emitted from the rotting heaps of giant batteries used by the first generations of hybrid vehicles (this movie would have to be set in the future- allows for more suspension of the aforementioned disbelief) the vehicle the child is inside of slams incredibly hard into "pick-your-farmland-of-choice", thus ripping the child's left arm off. (For those of you who think that battery acid would be in liquid form, and thus never become a gas- you forget that in the future, the earth will be a nice tepid 100-150 F everywhere which will actually aid in the evaporation process of the battery acid. Conveniently, the "farmland" will also be a ridiculously hard surface due to 50 years of drought which allows for the violent landing/arm-ripped-off part of the plot to be more feasible.)

The child will then be raised as an alien/robot/mutant- the mutant part comes from his crazy pops having to find a way to instanteously heal his rapidly deteriorating non-human body. He will get shot 18 times when his family is forced to move to the 'hood- after his father and mentor dies suddenly by giant windmill blade on their windfarm. (Re: early 21st century nostalgia for 50 Cent and the windfarm of Mi III) The child will somehow persevere through his government-sponsored mentorship program and his inherent advantage of being an alien. He will go on to fight a giant secret army of half-human, half-robot beings (deliberately stolen from... I mean in homage to... Star Wars) that are sponsored by the joint powers of B.O.B. (Big Oil Boys) In the end, he wins, but still feels incomplete- a problem that is solved when his asexuality is discarded in favor of marriage to Jake Gyllenhaal, the patriarch of a vast polygamous homosexual empire. Jake Gyllenhaal- the gay Hugh Hefner of the polygamous future. The only reason he marries? Tax benefits.

"473" and king tut's penis

2006-05-04T13:43:00.000-07:00

the importance of the number 473? well, it is the number of views we have had of our profile. what is wrong with you people? are there really 473 of you whom would like to find out more about mikeandtim? if so, perhaps we should auction/raffle some kind of event with mikeandtim. or just mike. or just andtim. maybe more people have viewed the profile hoping for a peek at the triathlon trained andtim. or perhaps to see the untraithlon trained mike. or perhaps i am just typing so i do not have to review this contract with an air force base in hawaii. perhaps, perhaps, perhaps. reminds me of a good Cake song.

check out that picture at right. you can actually see king tut's mummified genitalia. this came across as a headline on google and the headline read "King Tut's Penis Rediscovered" and was a story from the Discovery Channel News Website. so of course i had to click on the story, and it had this picture! i really dont care how immature it is to giggle at this story and picture because i couldnt help it. its funny. the article actually mentions that speculation was that king tut had a small penis, but was then reconsidered by mummified penis specialists whom claimed it was of traditional/standard size and shape. well done. our research tax dollars at work.

sprinkler system, golf, hammer strength

2006-05-03T09:54:00.000-07:00

i have been getting quotes to install a sprinkler system for my yard and the following have been provided:

$1,850
$2,100
$3,467.23

after coming up with a list of questions, i contacted each contractor and attempted to find out what the huge differences in cost were all about. the conclusion was that all three of them use the same parts made by the same manufacturer, same warranty on parts, all insured, all restore yard to previous condition, etc etc. the only difference is that the high estimate has a 3 year warranty on workmanship while the other two only have one year. so, is it worth an extra $1,600 for two more years of warranty? i guess we will find out. i am going with the low bidder, whom after i checked with the Better Business Bureau has zero reported complaints/incidents, while the others have a minimum of 3. hmmm. i will keep you posted.

i bring this up because it (in theory) will remedy the tactics of deception and evil that Nemesis # 1 once presented. somehow i think i may actually get sprayed more often with the auto sprinkler than i did with the portable $10 sprayer that attached to the hose.

i have been playing some golf lately, mostly after work. i go with a good buddy of mine who is a previously posted "Featured Reader." For sake of concealing his identity, we will call him "Ben". Ben and I have been playing assorted par 3 and par 3/4 courses in the area and he is currently up 4 strokes on the overall total. filthy goblin.

i have also been working out at lunch at the local gym. this place i go to looks like somewhere Apollo Creed would have pumped iron in Rocky II. no one dares to use the showers due to suspectivity. these things have discoloration that should not exist in them. the place is cool though, makes me feel like i am getting a good workout in. of course i am limited to lifting weights though and no cardio since i am not able to shower there. i also get daps from the dudes that work there when i leave. yep, me and a few buddies from work are pretty much the only honkies that have ever set foot in this place.

have a good wednesday. and if you are a Spurs fan i suggest you root for them in spanish by saying "va spurs va" in place of the well known "go spurs go".

The Next World Superpower

2006-04-28T09:43:00.000-07:00

As much as I would love to be optimistic about our nation and our country in general, it seems obvious to me that we are doomed to the same fate as the empires that came before us. This can be seen through our declining moral standards, our idolatry of entertainment/pop culture, and a general mindset of indifference to the sovereignty of our nation.

So, this being considered- what countries seem ripe to come up and take the title of World's Superpower?

Here are the top 5 contenders, some obvious, some perhaps not.
(By the way.... that guy's biceps are ridiculous, I hope it works for "superpower")

1) China

The obvious choice. Billions of people. Billions. World's largest standing army. Tons of cash. No minimum wage or health care benefits for workers. Average manufacturing laborer's wage: $0.50-1.00/hr. Check out import/export stats and our trade deficit with China. Yikes.

2) South Korea

The Japan of 25 years ago. Technology and automotive exports continue to grow... Samsung, Hyundai... I mean who even knew of Kia 10 years ago? From 1994-2005, Kia increased U.S. sales from 12,000/year to 275,000/year. Heard anything positive about the American auto industry lately?

3) Iraq

Some people would say this is genius, others would say I'm retarded. With their abundance of Oil, their political positioning, and the inherent power of what is really a theocracy, Iraq is potentially very powerful. If they can find a dominant leader that is a little more internationally savvy than say Saddam Hussein or Mahmoud Ahmenijad, their potential is unlimited. Especially considering the Bible tells us that Babylon (present Baghdad) will be the seat of the world government under the Anti-Christ- and I put a lot of creedence in the Bible.

4) India

They are the weaker half of the two uber-population countries. Also sporting a billion people, India has a lot of industry and is definitely a major presence in the world market. I don't know if anyone really fears India though, I mean- Gandhi, technical support lines? Somehow the Chinese are more fearsome.

5) Texas

We can still return to our Republic roots! Housing is booming, we've got lots of room for growth,and we undoubtedly have the best high school football in the nation. As long as we keep allowing Latino immigration into the state, we will even have a working class! We'll just enlist those who are already here... instant standing army of 1 million Texians.... deep in the heart of Texas.

Thank YOU, Thank You For Smoking!

2006-04-25T08:53:00.000-07:00

So, I had a good weekend.... Played dominoes, went Country dancing (yes, I still hate almost all country music.. Lyle Lovett is great though), good church service, quality Triathlon training.

Perhaps the best part of the weekendthough, was going to see the movie Thank You For Smoking on Friday night. Great flick. I wasn't aware of the rating going in, so there were some relatively crass parts- unneeded sex scenes, too much language, etc. However, the message and the humor are tremendous. I laughed out loud on several occasions, as there are some lines in the movie that are priceless.

Overall, it is a great script. Very well written and thought through. Nick Naylor will likely become some sort of icon to represent the ultra-slick lobbyist. His character is just tremendous. I especially like his revenge on William H. Macy's character during the congressional hearings. Just ridiculous. Also the way he manipulates Sam Elliott's character on a trip out to California.

It is an intelligent and interesting commentary/parody on the entire lobbying "industry". Here is the andTim... seal of approval.

blog potpourri, of sorts and whatnot

2006-04-20T20:39:00.000-07:00

a few things to cover here...

1. Stephen A. Smith (espn sports journalist) has temporarily won me over. he had deion sanders on his show last night and they started talking about the Duke lacrosse situation, etc. Smith brought up how Jesse Jackson was involving himself and making it a racial issue and some such. well, then Smith took a sidebar and ripped Jesse Jackson for about 7 min straight tellin him to stop using stories like this for his own publicity. it was greatness. kudos to Mr. Smith.

2. my wife and i went and saw the Broadway version of Phantom of the Opera last thursday night. of course i saw them in dallas, but they are touring the country. i would have to say on a scale of 1 to 10 i would rate it "ok". story was a little weaker than i had hoped, the singing was pretty good, but we were sitting kinda far away and had this huge doofus with a terrible goose honker laugh sitting right behind us. being that it was the Phantom and all, my expectations were rather high, and they were not really met. glad we saw it though.

3. i have been dodging comment on this immigration nonsense for quite some time for various reasons. one, if i expressed my true feelings i might offend some readers. two, if i expressed my double true feelings, perhaps i would offend andTim. in short, the rallies are only hurting you immigrants! now you are on the map and the government realizes the severity of the issue. prepare yourselves to be sent back to your homeland sooner than originally anticipated if you just continued to use bogus social security numbers and were smuggled across in crates. put your mexican flags away and either be an American or do not. the rest of the world has laws, why is it not ok for the U.S. to have laws that restrict nationwide anarchy? we have a country going on here, and if you want to join the club, please go thru the proper channels.

4. i ate two salads, 3 breadsticks, and the entire Tour of Italy at olive garden tonight for dinner. the server took my plate and looked at me funny as i swiped the last dreg of marinara with a breadstick to clean the plate. what do ya think about that?

5. the sopranos is a good show. you should watch it. unless of course you are offended easily by foul language, racial slurs, nudity, sexual situations, or violence. then, i suggest you stick with the Golden Girls.

6. ya know what music is good? Led Zeppelin. i declare "Dyer Maker" the song of summer.

7. i took an allergy skin test on Tuesday at 3pm. verdict? i am allergic to rabbits. yes, i was tested for rabbits. bitch ass rabbits. figures, nemesis # 2 just wont leave me alone. by the way my trap is still setup and the count is 2. both have been released more than 5 miles from my house. cant take any chances with those bitches finding my yard again. more on the allergy test soon, there is plenty to write about on that topic. if you have ever had one you probably know what i am talking about.

so, how are ya? how have you been? i feel like i havent written in forever. hi there.

Real American Idols

2006-04-19T08:21:00.000-07:00

This may be the most obvious blog topic ever, but I don't care. It likely suprises no one to say that America is in a severe state of decline, rotting from our insides out. Everything that once made America great is now rendered a punch line by the likes of Bill Maher. Amongst the myriad of problems America has one of the most prevalent is our obsession with celebrity.

While Andy Warhol stated that everyone will get their 15 minutes of fame, not everyone deserves it. America has always had a fascination with celebrities but that has turned into obsession. We idolize musicians, actors, reality TV folks, and rich people. Even the most popular TV show is ironically entitled "American Idol". (I really don't have much of a problem with American Idol, most of the people on the show are relatively talented, the show is well-produced, and at its essence it is a simple and innocent concept).

Cary Grant, Marilyn Monroe, Judy Garland, Frank Sinatra, Gene Kelly, Elvis Presley- these people are American icons, and celebrities. But they had an iota of the screen and print time given to someone as talentless as say, Paris Hilton. (See previous blog, Kelly Osborne and Vocal Overdrive as well) Now, it is very unfair to compare the exposure of those stars in their hayday to someone of modern time, simply because of the amount of exposure available. In 1950 you had radio, TV still in its infant stages, and newspapers. Now you have internet everything, cable, satellite, cell phones, terrestrial radio, satellite radio, podcasts, etc, etc, etc.

The problem with this obsession is that it is hollow. Most everyone we idolize has a craft that produces nothing but entertainment. Entertainment is almost completely hedonistic. It does very little to contribute to the advancement of society. Our real American Idols should be people of merit. People of character, with deep moral convictions, whose motive in life is not to become famous, but to benefit the world they are in as much as possible during the fleeting breath of life we are all given. Great war heroes, government servants (not politicians), great thinkers and scientists, teachers and authors. These people should be the Real American Idols.

We might want to look to the Greeks and Romans amongst others. These were great empires like our own that fell into oblivion. The most valued men in Greek society were their philosophers- that's why we know the names Aristotle, Plato, and Socrates thousands of years after their deaths. The most valued men in Roman society were great war heroes, that's what Roman boys aspired to be and that's probably why Rome so completely dominated the world at the peak of their civilization.

How many people in our society can name a great American philosopher of modern times? How about a great war hero of the last 20-30 years? If you can come up with more than one of either, then you are the exception. Yet how many people can tell you the name of Gwyneth Paltrow and Chris Martin's daughter? We are sick. If it's really true that Nero fiddled while Rome burned, it was probably because he was obsessed with becoming the next "Roman Idol" instead of defending his city. Nero- the Clay Aiken of yesteryear.

Bullet Trains in America

2006-04-18T07:32:00.000-07:00

For those of you who didn't already know, I may be the world's biggest advocate for train travel. I don't know if you could go so far as to call me anti-car, but I love the train. Traveling in Europe and living in Japan quickly taught me the value of train travel.

1- They are fast

The Shinkansen in Japan has hit speeds up to 275 mph. The French TGV has hit 320. Both Trains regularly top out around the 170-180 mph mark in regular travel, but that is still really freaking fast.

2- They are smooth

You can easily eat a meal, write a letter, read a book or do just about anything on a train. 50% of the people riding these trains are sleeping due to living in our sleep deprived world. The trains in Japan were so smooth, I was sometimes afraid to fall asleep for fear that I wouldn't feel it stop.

3- They are easy to use

Go to the station, find out what time the train is going to the city you want to go to. Get on the train at that time. Go. Not hard. You don't have to go through massive terminals (a la Intercontinental Houston or any other International Airport). You don't have to get there 6 hours before just to make sure they can check every orifice* of your body for sharp devices. You don't need a travel agent. You don't have to fill up with gas, check tire pressure, get an oil change, etc. Granted, in our post 9/11 continued security freak-out we would still find ways to check everyone before getting on a train. In Ueda where I lived, you had 30 seconds to get on the train, find your seat, and sit down. 30 seconds. It was awesome.

So my dream is to have a Houston-Dallas-Austin train. Most of our cities aren't set-up for travel without a car, but think about all the extra jobs that could be provided for cab drivers, construction workers (building public transportation), ticket-takers, etc. If you have ever driven I-45 from Houston to Dallas, I-35 from Dallas to Austin, or 290 from Austin to Houston, you know that these are three of the most boring drives ever. Totally flat in a straight line. On the weekends, the traffic getting out of any of these towns is brutal. Each trip takes at least 2 hours 30 minutes, if not up to 5 hours. (Just try to go to Dallas in under 5 hours from Houston on a Friday afternoon.) These drives are so boring that people routinely fall asleep and are seriously injured or killed in resulting accidents.

It is roughly 250 miles from Houston to Dallas. At an average of 150 mph, it would take 1 hour 40 mins to get to Dallas. Plus, you could sleep. Or read. Or have a cup of coffee or a beer and some nice conversation. You could leave Houston at 6 and be at dinner with a friend in Dallas at 8. Even if it cost you $60, I can't help but think that people would line up for it. The lack of stress, the lack of wear-and-tear on the car.... I mean c'mon!

We are ready for the renaissance of train travel in America. Struggling airlines could become Air-Train conglomerates. "I'm taking the 7:00 am Southwest Trainlines Bullet to Dallas for my 9:30 meeting." Imagine that. Granted, planes are always going to be the faster way to travel long distances. But for the 100-300 mile distance, the plane and the train are basically the same!

College students would buy rail passes to travel America during Spring Break, Christmas Break, or the Summer. Hostels and Hotels would spring up in small towns everywhere near the station. Tourism would increase in beautiful but unknown places like Arkansas, that people routinely fly over on their way to other destinations. The romanticism of train travel need not be underestimated.

Here is what we did in the 50's. Eisenhower was definitely a visionary in this respect. Here we are 50 years later, and we are in need of a new system. A high-speed rail system.

*First time orifice has been used on mikeandtimblog.blogspot.com

mike, you overhype lebron

2006-04-13T15:42:00.000-07:00

do i?

yes yes, i know he just sprained his ankle. so what. i am going to make a bold prediction, of which you heard it here on mikeandtim first.

lebron will either...

1. average a triple double for a season
2. average 40+ points per game for a season
or
3. win 8 (or more) league MVP awards

rather bold predictions here. however, this guy is really good. if he stays healthy i really think he could put up some of the best numbers the NBA has ever seen. he can shoot the 3ball now too, which makes him super filthy. plus he can get to the basket as good as anyone, even Jordan. i really think he is good enough to average a triple double, that is my #1 outlandish claim. if anyone can do it, it will be lebron.